Archive for March, 2010

How does a relationship get off the ground? Obviously meeting and feeling an attraction is the first step in this process. I believe in our society relationships are projected as fairy tales. For those of us who have been in a relationship, we know this is usually way off of the mark. Everyone loves that feeling of euphoria, but rarely does it last. If it did, our society would be walking on cloud nine and in my opinion the world would have a lot less problems.

However, I digress. Once the feeling of euphoria dissipates the true relationship comes into focus. This is where those littlie idiosyncrasies come into play. He leaves toothpaste on the counter and she jabbers on and on about nothing. Sometimes, even in my line of work, I’m amazed when a relationship endures.  The good news is they can endure and a lot of them actually do! The key is to create moments of euphoria and learning the art of compromise. Chose your battles and communicate honestly and frequently! Once couples get this down then the true relationship begins.

Would you date your friend’s spouse/girlfriend (assuming they were single and didn’t date your friend previously)? In this fast-paced world that runs at Internet speed high-speed, it can seem that you didn’t get the “memo” or overshot the empty musical chair when it comes to love.  The older you get, more of your high school friends now have their own families and you wonderingly remain the Lone Ranger of the group. But you also probably recognize that of your friends’ spouses/significant others, it is unlikely that any were a candidate to be your Bashert nor do you wish you met them first in the airport before your friend dropped that one-liner that lead them to the altar.  After this observation, I let out a sigh and felt a rejuvenated optimism that there is a lid for every pot, it’s just that yours jus may be temporarily detained in customs.

Despite the torrential downpour Saturday, it was by all accounts a great day. I ducked into a French bistro with one of my closest girlfriends for a late NYC brunch. Since it had easily been a month since we had last seen each other, we talked at a rocket pace discussing work, upcoming trials, future travel plans and of course, our current crushes. After brunch, we ran in the hurricane-like weather to our next destination…Mani-Pedi. Catching up with a girlfriend while accomplishing our errands was no doubt a great time. Yet, I couldn’t help to think on this dreary day that staying in bed, watching movies, eating Ben and Jerry’s and being goofy with that special crush would make for a priceless day.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I know there is supposed to be an amount of time before a guy calls a girl after a date.  However, I’m 24 and I’m not looking for high school drama anymore.

I really enjoyed this girl’s company on our first date.  We had an absolute blast and both agreed that we wanted to see each other again.  On the date, she mentioned she enjoyed “the chase.”  As you can tell, I’m not really that kind of guy.

How long should I wait and how can I make this feel like she has her chase as well? Thanks in advance.

L.I.T.

Dear Lost in Translation,

I’m not so sure there is an appropriate amount of time before a guy calls a girl.  If you were to ask 100 women how long should a guy wait to call my bet is you will have 100 different answers. Many women do enjoy the chase; on the other hand, a good number of us do not like to feel as if we are being smothered. Give her a call when you feel you want to speak with her. You don’t have to call her every day, but you do need to make it clear to her you are interested. Dating is not about game playing, but it is about timing. Avoid the drama all together and call her. If she is just about the chase you will find that out very quickly. She did agree she wanted to see you again, so put aside any fear and/or anxiety you may be feeling and pick up the phone.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing a man for the past six weekends. He prefers to text conversations and rarely calls. If I call him, it is not often that he will pick up the phone. I told him that I was a bit frustrated with texting and the way we were communicating.

His reply “If I am causing you pain then I’ll back off.” I just simply said, “Do you want to call this time?” He replied, “Yes.” However, it’s still text, text and text.

Ouch!

Dear Texting Not Talking,

I completely understand your frustration! In my opinion, there is something missing when texting is the main form of communication. Texting allows our own interpretations to take charge of what is really being said. There really is no substitute for a phone call. If this guy is not willing to communicate in a manner that you feel comfortable with then I agree; you have made the right decision regarding giving this relationship some time. Texting once in awhile is fine, but to have that as the main form of communication equals very little communication. It sounds to me as if he might not be the best match for you. Keep up the search on 100hookup and make it clear in your profile that communication is of the utmost importance to you. Hope this helps!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

I’ve been communicating with this guy for a little while now through email, text, and Skype and we both really like each other, but neither one of us have done the long-distance thing. Does it really work?

Dear Long Distance,

I do believe a long distance relationship can work if the two people involved make it work. Keep in mind open and honest communication is imperative when dealing with a long-distance relationship. You need to communicate daily.  Each person must set aside time each day to speak with the other person. Texts and emails are usually not enough. I always suggest a phone call at the end of the day. Also, time must be made to see each other on a regular basis. If each person puts in the effort long-distance relationships can be successful. Good luck to you!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

It is comical how differently men and women think.  Posing in your profile without a shirt (despite your eight pack) or with your sleek, new (leased) Porsche is NOT a turn on.  That said, admittedly, I have dated those persons – fortunately for us we met offline or the relationship would likely not have gotten off the ground.

Ladies, I know from our conversations that it may give you the heebie jeebies, but I have learned to try to be open and see beyond the photo…you may just find your perfect partner worth photographing.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Background:  Briefly, met a nice girl online and we began dating during the first part of the year. I live in Connecticut, she lives in NYC. We had much to talk about and enjoyed each other’s company on our meetings.  Soon, I was staying over on weekends.  She took me out on my birthday; I took her out of NYC for Valentine’s Day.  We went to shows, comedy events, concerts, etc.  We never had a cross word, disagreement or argument. Suddenly, just a few days ago, she refuses to talk to me anymore – stone cold. We were on our second month. Nothing was ever spoken directly of being exclusive or anything like that. I think it was still a little early.

So what happened?  Why did she cast me off? Is there anything I can do?  I really liked this woman and did whatever I could to make our time together great.

Signed,

Lost and Broken

Dear Lost and Broken,

I am so sorry to hear about this. I do know from my own experience how difficult this can be to make sense of. I wish I knew what happened and her reasons behind not speaking to you any longer. I am not going to try and guess what her motivations are, but rather I am going to do my best to look at this from another perspective.

Even though this is probably going to be difficult to read and put into practice, please try. Look at it this way; she is a coward. Obviously something happened and she does not have the courage to explain it to you. Consider yourself lucky. Do you want to be with someone who runs and hides? Do you want to be with someone who does not have a clue about communication?  Do you want to be with someone who has the capacity to throw people away? I know I sure wouldn’t. I do understand that you need closure, but give yourself the closure. Make the decision to move forward without her. If she does get in touch, keep in mind these questions I have asked you. If she can do it once, she can do it twice. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss, but don’t dwell on it. It sounds like you are a great catch and there are many women on 100hookup who would be very grateful to meet someone like you.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

On a gorgeous spring-to-be day, I was out running along the museums and boat houses in Philadelphia.  I continued my workout going up the infamous “Rocky steps” with my iPod fortuitously playing “Eye of the Tiger.”  Cheesy? Absolutely, but pretty funny as this was my first occasion on the steps and they were flooded by tourists taking the obligatory photo re-enacting Rocky. After finishing my tenth rotation of the steps, I finally looked out at the snapshot that I’m sure is captured in any Philadelphia-based movie and sighed. Maybe it was the long-overdue sunshine…Maybe the scenery…but in the moment it was a reminder that life is pretty good and, as far as I am able to control, I have no regrets in life and love.  Maybe it was the endorphins or maybe the “wicked” weather, none the less, it’s just a reminder that life moves quicker than ever and to enjoy the moment.