After a date, I think it’s a pretty good established rule that you don’t immediately contact the woman. Now that we all agree on that, now let’s debate the text v. the call. Texting shows that you don’t care enough to call and calling shows that you are too needy. There needs to be something in between. Of course, though, you can’t show up at her house in the middle of the night to surprise her because of laws and the fact that you don’t want to be arrested.

Therefore, you are relegated to either texting, calling, or 100hookup messaging. Please don’t 100hookup message after a date. If you’ve already gone out, and your only contact with a woman is through her 100hookup profile, it’s time to use those 100hookup skills to find another profile. If you do have her number, what do you do? Of course, the ideal situation would be for her to contact you. Wouldn’t that just be the best? Ladies, if you enjoyed a date with me, how about contacting me every once in a while? We don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Throw us a line. It’s Monday and we’re depressed. All you have to do is send me a text that says, ‘hey’ and that would make my entire week. I don’t even care if you don’t want to see me again.

I’m out of things to text. I’m tired of thanking you for a date in which I paid $100. I don’t even like tapas. I would have rather gone to Chili’s. I could have gone to Chili’s by myself and had way more fun. In fact, I do that almost every day.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I know there is supposed to be an amount of time before a guy calls a girl after a date.  However, I’m 24 and I’m not looking for high school drama anymore.

I really enjoyed this girl’s company on our first date.  We had an absolute blast and both agreed that we wanted to see each other again.  On the date, she mentioned she enjoyed “the chase.”  As you can tell, I’m not really that kind of guy.

How long should I wait and how can I make this feel like she has her chase as well? Thanks in advance.

L.I.T.

Dear Lost in Translation,

I’m not so sure there is an appropriate amount of time before a guy calls a girl.  If you were to ask 100 women how long should a guy wait to call my bet is you will have 100 different answers. Many women do enjoy the chase; on the other hand, a good number of us do not like to feel as if we are being smothered. Give her a call when you feel you want to speak with her. You don’t have to call her every day, but you do need to make it clear to her you are interested. Dating is not about game playing, but it is about timing. Avoid the drama all together and call her. If she is just about the chase you will find that out very quickly. She did agree she wanted to see you again, so put aside any fear and/or anxiety you may be feeling and pick up the phone.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing a man for the past six weekends. He prefers to text conversations and rarely calls. If I call him, it is not often that he will pick up the phone. I told him that I was a bit frustrated with texting and the way we were communicating.

His reply “If I am causing you pain then I’ll back off.” I just simply said, “Do you want to call this time?” He replied, “Yes.” However, it’s still text, text and text.

Ouch!

Dear Texting Not Talking,

I completely understand your frustration! In my opinion, there is something missing when texting is the main form of communication. Texting allows our own interpretations to take charge of what is really being said. There really is no substitute for a phone call. If this guy is not willing to communicate in a manner that you feel comfortable with then I agree; you have made the right decision regarding giving this relationship some time. Texting once in awhile is fine, but to have that as the main form of communication equals very little communication. It sounds to me as if he might not be the best match for you. Keep up the search on 100hookup and make it clear in your profile that communication is of the utmost importance to you. Hope this helps!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Jen,

I feel obligated to call after a first date even if I do not want to continue dating the person. What do you recommend I say in such a situation? Do I say “I enjoyed meeting you but I think we should be friends”? Sometimes, I don’t even want to call, but I hear that women don’t like that. Maybe they really don’t want to hear from me again. What do the experts recommend in this situation?

Dear Obligation,

I completely understand your confusion regarding this dilemma. Calling is the polite thing to do. However, I believe you should be honest before the first date even ends.  If you are truly not interested, then do not let your date believe there might be more dates to follow. I do recognize that it is an uncomfortable thing to do, but honesty is the best policy here. Put yourself in your date’s shoes.  Would you want to sit around waiting for a call looking forward to a second date and that time never comes? I know I sure wouldn’t.

Now, with that said, if you did say you were going to call, then call. However, when you make that call be sure to let the woman know you enjoyed meeting her, but you are not interested in pursuing anything more. It takes real courage to let someone down gently and honestly. But, it is the right thing to do. I cannot tell you how many letters I have received on this topic.  The difference was most of these people have been ignored rather than treated with honesty. I’m glad to see there are people like you!

Signed,

Gems from Jen