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In an age when there are endless profiles that match our on-paper list of requirements, how can we really know when someone is really right for us? I have ran into several guys on 100hookup that are just looking to have a good time and are using 100hookup as a vehicle to get some action. Let’s face it, hookup people have some of the lowest STD percentages out there, so if you are just looking for action, it is not a bad group to target. However, I am seeking a husband or long-term partner and do not care to engage in any hook-up scandals. Are there signs to look for in peoples’ profiles to avoid the male 100hookup player?

Dear What Are The Signs,

I can’t count the number of times I have been taken in by someone only to find out down the road that looking good on paper doesn’t always translate into the same thing in the “real” world. These realizations made me feel like I had been smitten by one of the Ten Plagues. A bit dramatic, I know, however I’m sure you catch my drift.

Profiles can be tricky, and to weed these “players” out there are a few things to look for. Firstly, does the profile seem too generic? For example, short answers, non-specific qualities that the person is searching for, and a concern more with looks in a potential date, rather than traits that complement theirs. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that physical attraction is what hooks us initially, but looks are fleeting and someone who is serious about a real relationship will certainly be more concerned with qualities that go much further than skin deep.

Another sign to keep in mind is, how do they present themselves in their profile? Is it well thought out?  Did they take the time to explain what it is they are searching for? Did they mention long-term relationships and/or marriage in their profile? If these components are missing you might be dealing with a so-called “player.”

Lastly, trust your instincts. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all have the power to say, “no thank you” and move on. You never know – you might be moving on to the real thing!

Signed,

Gems From Jen

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Last week I met an old friend for bagels and coffee. She was divorced a few years ago and it was a very difficult time for not just her, but her family as well. Nonchalantly, between bites of my onion bagel with schmear, I asked her when she planned on dating again. Her expression told me the entire story. I was almost certain she was about to strangle me right there on the spot! She told me she was in no way ready to jump back into the dating pool. I then asked the question that almost assured my immediate demise. “When will you be ready?”

This conversation got me thinking about the term “ready.” What does being ready really mean? If we all waited until we were “ready” would we be on 100hookup? Are any of us really ready? What exactly are we getting ready for? Then the answer came to me. No one is ever ready, that’s life. So simple, yet it appears to be such a difficult concept. I called my girlfriend a few hours later and explained my epiphany to her. Needless to say she is now a 100hookup member. Is she ready? Am I ready? Are you ready? Life is about risks and all of us need to be proud of the fact that we have taken our dating into our own hands. It may not always end up the way we want, but you never know until you try.

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How does the past mark the future of how we behave now while dating? For me I know it has had an important impact.  I’ve compared and contrasted while in the process of getting to know someone. How can you or I change this?  We all do it, and unless we can begin something new with a clean slate we will never attain what we are searching for.

Firstly, it is time to let go. Learn from the past relationships. Decide what was good and what was not so good.  Take those lessons with you, but put those people away and close the door.

Secondly, be prepared for the new people to remind you of that last person and/or relationship. Don’t be surprised. We tend to repeat patterns and if they are positive healthy patterns let the process work. If the new person is pushing the same buttons and triggering negative emotions move on and move forward.

Thirdly, remember dating is practice. It teaches us what we want and don’t want. Nothing is ever perfect and if we hold onto the past the future will never come. Remember, stop and pay attention. Let go and enjoy yourself.

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Does dating have to be difficult? That depends on who you ask. How many times have you made a list, marked the important qualities, and rejected those who did not live up to your expectations? I know for me it has happened more times then I can actually count. How does one get out of this space? It’s time to make a new list. For me it will begin with keeping my mind and heart open to whatever comes my way. Of course, I have specific qualities I believe I can’t live without. I dare you to find someone who doesn’t. However, times are a changing and life can be exciting if I allow it to be.

I think I will start this journey looking at people who are completely different then what I am accustomed to. I am going to give myself to this process and enjoy every second of it. My best guess is I will date many people who I don’t click with, but the reason I am here is to find the one I do click with. Who knows, going about this differently could actually work. I’m willing to give it a shot, are you?

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