Archive for the ‘100hookup’ Category

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been attempting to get in contact with this girl whom I’d like to get to know. But I’m not getting anywhere.

She originally viewed my profile and after looking at hers I decided to send her a message. I didn’t get a response but she did look at my profile again, good news I guess. I then waited a few days to see if she would reply to my message and still nothing.

I then sent a follow up message and again no response but she viewed my profile again. I’m not 100% sure what this means but I think that she’s interested but somewhat unsure about responding.

Do you have any advice? She seems like someone who I can develop a relationship with.

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Dear Viewing Game,

First, look to see if your email to her was “read” or not. If it was read by her and she hasn’t yet responded but she’s still viewing your profile then perhaps write her again and jokingly let her know that you know she’s unsure about whether to respond and that you’ll make it worth her effort, or that she won’t be disappointed, or something else fun and light-hearted.

If your message isn’t showing as “read” then unfortunately it sounds like she may not have a paid 100hookup account. Obviously being able to contact prospective 100hookuprs is the biggest reason to get a paid account and sometimes people wait until they have someone who’ve they’ve played this viewing game with before finally joining. Try sending her a flirt since she can see that without being a subscriber. She won’t be able to respond but it might be the catalyst to finally getting her to subscribe.

The final option is to try and catch her online so that you can instant message her. Again, you have to be a subscriber to begin the IM session but she doesn’t have to be a subscriber to answer. Now, go get her!

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Dear Tamar,

So I follow your advice and I am poly-dating! Last week I went on a second date with a guy I met on 100hookup and it went great! Then over the weekend I went on a second date with another guy from 100hookup and WHOOPS… we ran smack into my other date (who was not a date).

I tried really hard not to make it awkward, and even introduced the two before excusing myself and that night’s date politely. It was easy enough to tell the guy who I was on a date with that it was just a friend we ran into, but the other guy knew better and I haven’t spoken to him yet. Obviously after just two dates I’m not in an exclusive relationship with either guy, but I also don’t have stronger feelings for one over the other because I barely know either. Now what do I do?

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Dear 100hookup Poly-dater,

You said it yourself — it’s just the second date with each guy and you don’t owe either of them anything. That said, it would be best to address what happened and be straight forward with the first guy. Call him and just say, “Hey, that was kinda awkward!” Then ask him if it bothers him and see what he says.

He may understand that it’s early on, and not a big deal, and he may also be poly-dating himself. Or he may want to know if there are feelings on either side and how long you plan on seeing other people. Obviously you don’t need to divulge too much, but you can simply explain that you are looking for things to get serious with one person and that you don’t want to rush it.

He may not want to date you anymore. If so, it’s not personal. Even people who are okay with the idea of poly-dating can’t handle when it’s staring them in the face.

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Dear Tamar,

I am back on 100hookup after about a year off and already met a great guy! He and I exchanged a few emails, and now a few texts. He sent the last one last night. So what next? What do I do?

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Dear What Next?

Do nothing. If he wants to go on a date with you, he will call you and ask you out. I am not a fan of texting, aside from exchanging pleasantries, before you’re in a bonafide relationship. We’ve all heard the phrase “he’s just not that into you,” and here’s where it rings true: If a guy is into you, he will call and ask you out, otherwise he’s just not that into you.

UPDATE
Since initially writing this, the guy did, in fact, call and ask our lovely emailer out!  They went on an awesome first date and they already have their second date planned!

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Somehow in my mind, shopping for a new watch is equated with shopping for a husband.  Allow me to explain this thought process through a journey to the center of my mind: I’ve always been a watch person – I feel naked without one, and I’ve worn several different timepieces throughout my adult years.  And I tend to be more of a “quantity over quality” watch owner, preferring lower quality, trendier  pieces to classic expensive timepieces that will last forever.  A consequence of this habit is frequent replacing – straps break, batteries fail, faces tarnish, and in one case, this chain attached to the strap that I thought was really cool just plain fell off. My penchant for replaceable (read: cheap) watches means I’m always on the lookout for the next style I might want to wear. So whenever I’m shopping at a department store (or let’s be honest – Marshalls and/or TJ Maxx), I usually peruse the watch section so that when my current watch inevitably breaks, I’ll have a replacement in mind. One store in particular usually has a ton of good options for sale, and I never have trouble finding several that I like when I shop.

So anyway, a couple weeks ago, my watch battery died, and soon after, I realized that water droplets had somehow snuck under the glass that protected the face of my watch, rendering it unreadable.  The situation wasn’t worth fixing, so I headed to my favorite store to find a replacement.  But something different happened. Now that I actually had to pick one to buy and wear everyday on my wrist, I suddenly couldn’t find one that I liked! Just a few weeks prior, when I wasn’t seriously in the market for a watch, I saw a display of nice watches, any one of which would look nice and have the features I wanted.  But now that I actually had to choose one to wear, all I saw were flaws.  This one was fine, but I really wanted a leather wrap-around band and this wasn’t exactly what I pictured.  And that one had a nice face, but the band was a rose-gold color that clashed with my other jewelry.  This inner dialogue went on and on until I couldn’t find a single watch that met my expectations. So I left the store, defeated.

And then, standing there empty-handed in the mall parking lot, I had a mini-epiphany: This is exactly why I leave so many dates “empty handed.” The same psychological principle is at play here.  When I look at a group of something (watches, people, whatever), I see a general sense of possibility – a pool of potential. But selecting one out of the group means leaving other (possibly better) options behind, or picking the one that will turn out to be a lemon, or deciding that one is best, only to have your tastes change shortly after selection.  A watch is just an object, and especially for me, it’s not a permanent life fixture. So if I felt that way about my watch selection, it’s no wonder these thoughts and the related fear cause me to “leave the store” of dating without selecting an option.

So back to the story – there I was, watchless. I decided to go to a different store and check out the selection, and I found the same issue – lots of choice, none perfect. It was getting late (I think – I didn’t know what time it was) and I didn’t want to go home empty handed. So I picked the least objectionable option and called it a day. And you know what? I’m really happy with my reliable new watch. I now like the way it looks, and it runs great.  A stylish coworker even complimented it.

So the next time I find myself surrounded by options of people, yet feeling disappointed and ready to leave, I hope I remember to glance at my watch – it will tell me that it’s time to change my thinking.

If you have a 100hookup account then I can pretty much assume that you have a Facebook page — and quite possibly some other combination of Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Google+, and/or LinkedIn (and I’m sure there are other sites and apps I’m missing). Using the internet while dating is tricky because once you exchange names, then all it takes is a couple of clicks of the mousepad to learn more about a prospect.

This is a good and bad thing, which I’ve discussed before, but that doesn’t mean you need to shut down social media. A guy I once dated was unsearchable, and it actually made me think there was something he was hiding. Even once we started dating and added each other on different sites — eliminating the “privacy” modes — he still didn’t have anything posted, nor did he often “like” items. He did, however, scroll through Facebook and Instagram regularly and the combination of the two made me very skeptical.

On the other hand, you can meet people who over-share and put every detail about their life online — pictures of their meals, status updates about their frustrating morning, opinions about everything, photos of every thing they do, and so on. That doesn’t include clicking “like” for ALL of their friends posts and commenting as well. It’s exhausting and it’s overkill for someone who barely knows you, but is interested in dating you.

As with most things, there’s a happy medium with social media where you let people see things about your life without being too much of an open book or too much of a recluse. You can also use privacy settings for people you don’t really know so they can’t see everything you post, and they can get to know you at a more natural pace.

That said, try not to cyber stalk and don’t add your date on social media until you’re on your way to dating seriously. Not every first date should become a Facebook friend.

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I’m not sure hookup scholars such as Maimonides, Hillel, Akiva, or Rashi would be able to agree on whether it is better to have a vague ‘In My Own Words’ answer… or a more detailed one (they didn’t agree on much, so it’s not surprising that our people are known for our argumentative nature).

On one hand, a vague About Me (or any other category) is enticing as it leaves more for your date to discover on their own and allows you to let them discover more about you at your own pace. You get to reveal more about yourself in your (few) emails, a bit more in your (10 minute) phone calls, and even more in person. You’re not putting everything on the table, and that means you don’t have to live up to any hype you create if, for instance, you are really funny with your writing, but not so much in person.

On the other hand, being more detailed in your biography means that the prospects you attract know exactly who you are and what you are attracted to — more than just your photo and a few general tidbits. It means you have likely weeded out potentials who you may not mesh with, but it also means that you could have eliminated quality prospects who think you are too set in your ways… even though it’s not only acceptable, but more enjoyable to not agree with each other about every topic.

So here’s where your How to Woo a Jew scholar gets to butt in and give her two cents… I suggest a happy medium. Some areas you can stay vague while others that you feel more strongly about should be more detailed. If you are sarcastic and witty in-person, then try to convey that in your biography. If you love debating politics, then say that as well but also mention some particulars — if you are a staunch Democrat and couldn’t bear to be with a hardcore Republican, then let that be known! Areas where you are open to exploring should be left vague or simply state that you want to learn more from someone who is an expert or enjoys those things.

Basically there’s no “right” or “wrong” way because everyone has a type, and the person for you won’t be turned off by your vague or detailed profile… the caveat here is that if you’re having trouble meeting quality prospects, then it would behoove you to adjust your answers towards the other side of the spectrum.

Learn more at www.HowtoWooaJew.com.

Growing up we all had dreams of how we saw our lives unfolding. We pursued the things we had control over, and worked hard to try and put certain things in place. But finding and falling in love is not necessarily something you can check off of your list so easily. That’s not how life works. Love is messy.

But, giving up that vision is difficult and can prevent us from seeing other — likely better — options standing right in front of us because we are so stuck trying to achieve the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. That means being open to new things, things that may make us slightly uncomfortable at first, and playing around with that “preferences” section rather than simply inputting exactly what we think we want. You might find yourself happily surprised!

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Hello,

I am getting views on my profile, but no responses to my emails. I know it’s a numbers game and what not. I just wanted an expert to review my profile and see if any changes need to be changed.

Thank you,

David

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Dear “David,”

You’re right; it is a numbers game, but I appreciate you seeking help where others’ egos may prevent them from doing so.

Let’s start from the beginning: with your 100hookup username. I like that you incorporated one of your hobbies into the name and think it’s a keeper!

Your photos need some tweaking. The first photo is great! It shows your face and that you put some effort into taking a photo for your 100hookup profile. The next two can be deleted. The one with your cat doesn’t show your face and it’s confusing as to what’s going on. The third one is a beautiful photo of your family, but my eyes aren’t immediately drawn to you. I suggest you find 2-3 more photos that show you, facing the camera, without any distractions. You can always tack the family photo back on as option #5.

Of all the biographical paragraphs under “In My Own Words” the only one I don’t like is “My Life and Ambitions.” You already discussed being a successful entrepreneur, but then say you work for your family business… which is it? You don’t need to list your skill sets either. I do like your final line about law enforcement though, and think you could leave that as is, but this is also the place where you want to talk about if you want to get married and have a family. And since you included a picture of your family, you should include one line about them somewhere.

Aside from those few things I think your profile looks pretty good. You have a sense of humor and prove it. You seem like you would be an easy conversationalist. You’re in your mid-20’s and have set a good age range of 23-30. The only thing that might make a woman waver is… your height. You know how tall you are, so you know that 5’7 is considered “short” for a guy. Luckily for you, hookup ladies are not known for their height either. Make sure your preferences aren’t limited to height, and possibly even address it somewhere in your profile. For example: “I may not be very tall, but my personality more than makes up for it!”

I really think new photos will help turn views into dates. Remember, women will view you repeatedly to let you know they’re interested, so play the “viewing game” to make sure they’re into you before sending an email. Also, keep in mind that non-members can’t read their emails. If you would like me to review a sample email to see if you could be coming on too strong or writing something that’s a turn-off, please don’t hesitate to write again! Good luck!
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When you’re on a second date and it’s going well, then you become more and more apt to share personal stories. If you feel comfortable letting your guard down and opening up, that’s great! Here are a few tips to help you get there:

• Make sure the other person is also sharing, and therefore is on the same page in regards to the date going well and wanting to get to know you better and allowing you to get to know them — sharing should not be one-sided
• Keep the topics positive, talk about things that make you happy
• Don’t start the “ex” or divorce/widow conversation just yet
• Stay away from relaying stories of your dating past — as funny as some of our 100hookup stories are, this is not the time to exchange them

Be a good listener; don’t interrupt and make sure to ask a few questions to show you’re giving your date your undivided attention. Bonus points for being an observant storyteller — don’t drone on and on without noticing if your audience has lost interest. You’re look for a connection; the more you share and find commonalities, the closer you will feel.

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When the time comes to order drinks and food on a second date, there are a few ways to proceed: You can either do it the generic way with each person ordering for themselves, OR you can use it as an opportunity to bond by ordering together.

If you both want wine, perhaps agree on one type and order the bottle. Or, if you prefer hard liquor, then consider doing a shot together (not too much to drink, you don’t want to lower your inhibitions or make yourself vulnerable when you’re not in a position to get your home safely).

When it comes to the food, discuss what you can order and share rather than having separate dishes. Try to be open to trying to new delicacies, and don’t be disappointed to skip your favorite dish in lieu of something you can enjoy together instead. You can have lasagna anytime, but you won’t have the chance to bond over digging into a unique dish and creating a new experience together.

If you are more like a Joey from Friends and can’t share your fries then please try to at least share dessert. Liking – or hating – food together is a bonding experience and will create memories for you as a possible couple.

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