Archive for December, 2009

Dear Gems from Jen,

I got an e-mail on 100hookup from another member who gave me his phone number. My question is should I have called him right away after receiving that e-mail or should I wait for him to make the next move by calling me first? I asked my mom and she told me to wait a day and see what happens and that if he is really interested in me that he would call me first or should I call him first?

Dear Phone Calling,

My question to you is; why would you wait to call this guy? He gave you his number and in my opinion that is your cue to pick up the phone and call him. I realize it can be uncomfortable for a woman to call a man, but he gave you the number which is a sure fire sign that he would like to speak.  Perhaps he felt uncomfortable asking for your number since the two of you have never met.  I know I would prefer to get the number rather than give out my number when only corresponding through email. Do yourself a favor and don’t begin a potential relationship by playing games. If you are interested in getting to know him better pick up the phone and give him a call.  Keep in mind that what worked for mom may not work for you.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

So the Schmooz-A-Palooza® came and went and all those who think it’s nice to be naughty ventured out to the Sunset strip for an evening that was absolutely unbelievable.  Mix a little couture, cocktails, and a cute crowd and nothing could go wrong.  I was lucky enough to have my fave wing girls on hand for various cute boyfriend sightings.  Boyfriend: Noun, slang for possible future dating contestant.  There were too many boyfriend sightings to count, and with the various raised hemlines, I’m sure these boys weren’t disappointed.  With everyone dressed to impress, liquid courage in hand, and a million different options, it made me wish St. Nick would haunt Hollywood at least twice a year.  You may think making out is not entirely a spectator sport but locking lips was not exactly a behind the scenes event that night.  In fact, the backstage pass was handed out by several people, and though it wasn’t all access, the stalkerazzi still had something to talk about the next day.  We left oh-nine looking fine.  Here’s hoping twenty-ten is a total dime…

Dear Gems from Jen-

I occasionally email someone who seems to have a lot in common with me, but never get a response. Can you tell me what’s necessary to say in a first email message to optimize a response?
I’m an attractive, intelligent woman and I just don’t get it.

Thanks,

Email Messages

Dear Email Messages,
I’m not sure if there are hard and fast rules as to what to say in a first message, but there are some guidelines that may increase your chances of getting a response. State what it is you have in common with the person by reading their profile. Don’t respond based solely on the picture.  Looks can be deceiving. Make certain your subject line is catchy and tells the person that you did take the time to read what it is they are all about. For instance, if the person you are wanting a response from likes baseball have your email subject relate to baseball. Let them know what caught your eye and ask for some elaboration. Be sure to ask questions about the person you are interested in getting to know better. It is very difficult to respond to an email that does not leave room for a response or responses. Lastly, check your spelling and grammar.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,

All the guys seem to want younger women. I am bright, attractive and cannot understand what their problem is? Are men afraid of bright and well-educated women?  I am starting to think so! Thanks for your input.

Dear Losing Faith,

I just had this conversation last weekend. I went to an event where many of the professors who taught in my graduate program were attending. One professor in particular told me a few years ago she met her husband using 100hookup. I couldn’t wait to tell her that I was blogging for 100hookup.  Her husband was also at this particular event and he told us that his wife (my old professor) was one of three women he met on 100hookup and just how easy the process was. This conversation got all of the professors discussing the difficulties each has faced while being single and highly educated. We are all therapists by trade, so naturally the conversation lead to the inevitable analysis of why this process can be difficult for successful women.

Our conclusion was fairly simple, yet rather eye-opening. One of the theories that were passed around was the self-worth the men feel. Being educated can be intimidating to some men if their self esteem is not at a “healthy” level. This is not to say that a successful relationship cannot be had, it is just that education can sometimes lead to feelings of inferiority on the part of the other person. I know in my own dating life I tend to leave out my education level in order to keep my options open.  It is not necessarily the right thing to do, just something I usually do.  Your question and my professor discussion have made me realize we are who we are. There are men on 100hookup who are not intimated, and would be ecstatic to meet a bright, educated woman. Keep the faith, they are out there! Usually something that is worthwhile is worth waiting for.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

So most people know that when the Santa Ana’s blow, insanity often ensues. Pair that with the event of the year on December 24th, and I’m pretty sure we’ve got all the ingredients to make a recipe for an anything-can-happen type of evening (and we all know that anything involving cooking and me in the same sentence is like a kamikaze kitchen mission). Aside from the party of the year I’ll be fleeing the country and heading south of the border shortly after to join Jimmy Buffet in his search for that lost shaker of salt. Winter break is officially in full swing and while most people are engaging in some MMA-style moves at the mall to fight for the perfect present, we’re all done and kicking back with cocktails! Jealous much? The New Year is fast approaching and all I can say is that after oh-nine being merely fine, I hope that twenty-ten is nothing short of a dime- that’s top of the line. Since I have twenty-thousand things going on, and am multi-tasking like it’s going out of style, it’s no wonder that two people have asked me out in the past week. Figures, eh? No stressing though it just means I have something to do when I get back to the real world next year. Here’s to twenty-ten and a whole new year of insanity in Los Scandalous. See you December 24th for the biggest party of this year before we ring in the new one!

Dear Gems from Jen,

How long after the initial “hi” email should one wait to divulge their real name and actual phone number?

Dear Giving Information,

I believe this question is different for every person using 100hookup. The first step is to feel comfortable with the person you are communicating with.  Ask yourself these questions; do I want to meet the person? What is my motivation in communicating with this person? Can I be my authentic self while communicating with this person? Once you have answered these questions, ask yourself if you believe the person on the other side of the email is being truthful?  Do you feel safe thus far in the process? If you are sincerely interested in getting to know the person better and meeting in the real world then give your name and phone number. I hope this helps!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

After a recent West Hollywood trip that went awry, and looked more like a scene from MTV’s Jersey Shore, I’ve been trying to keep it less club happy and more late-night low-key. Why anyone would want to fake tan enough to resemble an oompa loompa is beyond me, but then again, I’m so pale I could be a member of the famed fangtastic Cullen clan. It’s one thing to go and have a good time, but it’s quite another to go out and not remember if you had a good time, what you may or may not have said to cause your friend to stop talking to you, and if you do or do not need to get a prescription for Plan B today. If that’s what you’re looking for, just set your DVR to watch the next episode of “what not to do when out,” care of the east coast kids who should be auditioning for the next Axe Hair Crisis Relief commercial. Hollyweird is simply a cesspool for drunken debauchery, and tres fun in moderation, but only to find Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. So pack up that wristlet for a night on the town with caution, because True Life: I need a nice dude is not in the works just yet (but should be). So maintain your manners while walking the boulevard and kick the California calorie count to the curb prior to pre-gaming those cocktails, before you end up on the next episode of Intervention. See you over the hill again soon. The aforementioned rules and restrictions applicable to all 364 nights a year except the Schmooz-A-Palooza, because whatever happens on Sunset stays there…Santa’s too busy to tell on us.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Are there any dating faux-pas when it comes to contacting a guy on a dating website? I’ve contacted several (either via ‘Flirts’ or a simple ‘hi’ via email) and once they reply and then I reply, it all seems to come to an abrupt end. Should I email again or just let it go by the wayside?

Dear Dating Faux-Pas,

My suggestion is to start the first communication with more than just a “hi.” Make sure you include something in the body of the email that shows you have something in common with the person you are writing for the first time. I know in my own experience if the communication is too brief the emails tend to die down rather quickly. Make certain you always leave an opening for the person to respond. Ask a few questions throughout the email so the person you are communicating with will feel more at ease responding. If you are still interested in the guys who do not respond try again.  Be sure to leave an opening for a response in order to maximize the possibility that you will get a return email.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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