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Archive for January, 2010
Dear Gems from Jen,
I’m new to 100hookup and feeling overwhelmed by the world of online dating. I’ve found that men are much more likely to contact me through IM than through email, but I don’t really feel comfortable giving out my phone number (or agreeing to meet someone) after one conversation, even if I think I may like them. How do I respond to those requests without making it sound like I’m just not interested in getting to know them?
Dear Too Fast,
I can understand why you are feeling overwhelmed. I agree with you, dating should be a natural progression, even in the online world. If someone IMs you and wants to meet after one conversation, you need to decide if this is someone you really do want to get to know. I know for me when things move too quickly I become uncomfortable and begin to question the motives behind the person who is rushing the process. I tend to wonder if the person is just merely excited, or if they are going to lose patience and/or attention too quickly. If you do decide to continue corresponding with these people be straightforward and speak the truth. Let each one know you are not yet comfortable giving out your number and would prefer to continue getting to know them through email. Do not do anything until you feel ready and comfortable. If the people on the other end do not understand or are no longer interested because you are not willing to rush things, move forward without looking backward.
Gems from Jen
You know New Year’s resolutions are officially in pre-bikini season full swing when you can’t find a parking space easily at your gym. Now, let’s be clear that there are two kinds of gyms: there’s the gym you frequent to get into shape, and there’s the gym you attend when you’re ready to parade around town with the body you’ve sweated countless hours to achieve. The latter isn’t filled with elliptical seeking sweeties, but rather beachy-keen bimbettes that wouldn’t need plane-supplied flotation devices in the event of a mid-Atlantic crash. These cardio-kittens aren’t there to workout, that’s what their other gym is for! Rather they (like the men) are there to show off what their mama’s gave them in all-American Apparel that leaves nothing to the imagination. Welcome to Los Scandalous two months before swimsuit season. A land where protein shakes serve as sweet treats and calorie counting is a league of its own. When visiting this wild exhibit in the urban jungle, remember to keep your hands and feet on your own elliptical at all times, unless specifically invited by a trained aerobic handler. And please, don’t feed the models.
Last night, over a glass of Pinot, I was catching up with a friend who couldn’t believe the questions that she was asked on her latest date. Hint guys: How old are you? What are you measurements? Why are you not married? If you didn’t know, these are inappropriate questions.
If information is what you are seeking (which is completely understandable), there is a smooth creative way to get all the information you could possibly ever want. Instead of asking her age, you can easily ask whether your date knows your friend from their college and determine the class year and do the math in your head.
As for weight and measurements, I’m not sure why that is important, there is either an attraction or there is not. If being a size two is a mandatory requirement, I would revisit your non-negotiables list.
And finally, my favorite, “Why are you not married?” First off, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. The same question taunts any singleton. And really, isn’t the answer obvious? The person wasn’t ready or just hasn’t met “The One.” I told my friend that I was positive this was meant as a compliment, but nonetheless the question is nonsensical to most women.
Making conversation in the beginning of a date can be tough. Sometimes nervousness brings out statements or questions you wish you’d never said or asked, and in a Seinfeldesque manner, you chase to get them back. (That is why I always advise to go on a second date.) Try to pry the answers you’re looking for out via dialogue instead of pointed questions; you’ll get the same information and avoid walking the tight rope of, “to ask or not to ask?”
Dear Gems from Jen,
I’ve been dating a nice guy since October. One might think that by now I would know how to handle the upcoming Valentine’s Day in terms of the form a gift might take. However, he’s got a hard time accepting any compliments or any expression that translates to “you’re special.” Also, neither of us is into expensive gift giving. Typically, what’s the role of the woman for Valentine’s Day? I love giving to people, but in this case, I don’t know what to do.
Dear Valentine’s Day Gift-Giving,
I would be interested to know more about the difficult time this guy has accepting compliments. It sounds to me as if he has a difficult time validating how you truly feel about him. With this said, I can definitely empathize with your plight. I might be wrong, but it appears that you are walking on eggshells where this guy is concerned. If giving to people is your thing, why stop now? Part of being in a relationship is staying true to you. With that said, I don’t know if there really is a typical role for the woman when it comes to gift giving on Valentine’s Day. What do you want to give him? What makes the most sense to you? If he were able to accept your compliments what would you consider giving him? Ask yourself these questions and then make the decision. Gifts do not have to be expensive, but they should translate into how you are feeling towards the recipient. For instance, if he is into wine buy him his favorite bottle. If he enjoys basketball get him a couple of tickets. If he likes your cooking make him a homemade meal. Just remember, gift giving should be an enjoyable experience not one that causes anxiety.
Gems from Jen
If there was a challenge over who was the sappiest romantic, I might be up there with the best of them. I’m definitely a girlie girl. I cried without restraint as I watched The Notebook for the third time and I truly believe in happily ever after. Yet, regardless of whether I’m single or attached, having Hallmark dictate when I should be extra “romantic” does not sit well with me. I find it cliché and forced. Shouldn’t everyday be Valentine’s Day? Shouldn’t you aspire every day to make your significant other feel special? There is no real reason why flowers, chocolate and specials surprises should mean so much more on February 14th. I hate to be the Grinch who stole Valentine’s…but I think Hallmark and Godiva will survive regardless.
Dear Gems from Jen,
I am very confused. I went out on three dates with this guy and it seemed like he really liked me and we hit it off. After the third date, suddenly, he stopped contacting me. What’s going on? I’m so confused!
Dear Three Dates,
I can certainly understand your confusion. I really do wish I had a direct answer for you, I’m afraid I don’t however. It sounds to me as if it is his loss not yours. I really do not believe there is any type of valid excuse for this type of behavior. I do understand things come up, emergencies may have arisen, however a quick phone call is not too much to ask in my opinion. My suggestion would be to let this guy go and focus on what it is you really want from the people you meet on 100hookup. There are plenty of guys out there who are ready and willing to not send confusing messages. Waiting around for someone to call is no fun. Make the decision to enjoy yourself during this process and don’t wait around for anyone.
Gems from Jen
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Dear Gems from Jen,
I was talking to this guy who said that he would be in contact with me about meeting for our first date. I called him a few days ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Should I wait to hear from him? Or should I remind him about our date?
He gave me his number first to call him and I did, but it seems if I don’t call/text him I don’t hear from him. I did mention to him that if he doesn’t show himself to me, I am not sure about him. He told me he was interested to meet, but I feel he is not interested. Not sure what to think?
Dear Not Moving In His Tracks,
I understand how difficult waiting can be; especially when we believe what we are told is the truth. It can be a very frustrating experience. He told you he would be in contact and he has yet to get in contact with you. You left him a message and he has yet to return the call. You explained that he needed to show himself to you. How long are you willing to wait for a phone call that may never come? I do believe it really isn’t about whether he is interested or not, it is about follow through and trust. Look at it this way; if he said he would be in touch and he wasn’t, what is it you are waiting for? Do you want to get involved with someone who cannot stand by his word, appears a bit wishy-washy, and does not return phone calls? Do you want to be in a potential relationship where you would have to remind your partner to call you? I know I sure wouldn’t! There are tons of men out there who will follow through and stand by their word. Keep up your search on 100hookup and focus on the guys who do what they say. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Gems from Jen
Sometimes you take a little break from the dating life because it’s just too damn hard to find someone that crosses the ex off the list. This little sitch is amplified in L.A. where ex’s are often not just around the corner, but in the background, on various stations, movie channels, and upcoming movie trailers. So as hard as you try to kick the bad habit, you’re lured back into the web by the offered comfort of consistency. If iPhone could find an app to block said images from sight, I’d be more than willing to jump the Crackberry ship and become a full-fledged Mac. Since that hasn’t happened, I’ve decided to live all things Amish. There are no movie trailers in Amish country. Of course, there are no cars to make a quick getaway either, but I hear the horses are being supercharged, so that’s a plus