Archive for November, 2009

Dear Diary,

Going on day thirty-something of current crush and my prey seems to be moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler. You’d think the slow pace would make it easier to pin my target, but no, instead it only serves as a form of torture that I thought they ruled as inhumane back in the Middle Ages. So in a land where I needed an actual translation for “taking things slow,” I found myself in a foreign territory where no amount of transliteration could explain the phrase. You may be thinking, ‘perhaps he’s just not that into you?’ I thought the same until evidence to the contrary had me enrolling in dating 101 faster than the new McLaren goes from 0-60. I feel like a rogue pinball bumping into obstacle after obstacle just trying not to lose. I’m holding steady (as she goes), tiptoeing around the flirtatious comments and wishful sexting, using all the strategy and concentration required for a drunken game of Jenga. The thrill of the chase is exciting, but the actual ability to entangle your prey in a web of ‘happily ever after’ is even more alluring. I guess the ‘happily ever after’ only works if the ‘once upon a time’ has an actual story to go with it though. Snow White bit the apple, and the bite was worth the price, so here’s to wishing, waiting, and hoping that the poison is worth it…

Always,

SweetLo

I’m at a Springsteen concert (gotta love the classics) with a dear friend of mine. And the House in Madison Square Garden is getting down. I turn and smile at my friend whosedanceresemblesthe Seinfield Elaine dance. However, he calls it the “Tarantula Dance.”  Now if he reads this, my ass is in trouble. Though he shouldn’t be because he is not single. That aside, the dance was so endearing/adorable, yet funny (when your stomach hurts from laughing, funny). But the best of it, knowing you can be your absolute self in front of someone and not worrying.  A friendship or romantic relationship is at its best when you can be that person and they still think you’re amazing. Not that doing the Elaine or Tarantula Dance can be seen as a fault, but I guess you know when you can be absolutely yourself in a relationship and when someone knows your faults/quirkiness/idiosyncrasies and even finds them endearing, then you’ve got something good.

I met a great guy.  We seemed to click on all levels.  Our date was planned for 7:00.  I had my getting ready routine planned down to the minute.  Get home from work, shower, hair, make-up, cute new outfit, the works.  At exactly 6:22, I was ready to go.  I knew it would take me approximately 15 minutes to drive to the meeting place.  I didn’t want to be early, but I had to account for LA traffic, ugh! I left, anticipation and excitement was in the air.  This was going to be great, I just knew it, or so I thought. After waiting for my date and sitting alone at a restaurant for 45 minutes on a Saturday night I was furious! No phone call or text.  He finally arrived and he was gorgeous to look at. He apologized and explained the traffic was horrific.  I forgave him, had a great night and we planned to meet during the week.

Again, I planned my time to the minute.  I arrived at the pre-arranged meeting place a few minutes early and you guessed it, I waited almost an hour this time.  When he finally appeared he had one excuse after the other.  I finally told him to stop with the explanations and just be honest. He finally admitted this was his downfall in life, he is always late! That was the last I saw of him.  If there is one pet peeve of mine it is tardiness. There is a lot I can forgive, but not this. I understand things happen, but being chronically late raises a red flag. For those of us still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, it is important to know what it is we are willing to look the other way on and what it is we are not willing to let go of. I know for me all it would do is cause frustration and, eventually, resentment. I’m hoping my next date is chronically on time – that would be great!

• RT @ShaunAppleby Best quote from 30 rock "somewhere right now a guy is on a 100hookup with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect." #
• RT @MatzoBall23 Need a reason to go to Schmooz-A-Palooza? The movie theater and Chinese take-out are closed. https://100hookup.com/schmooza #
• Attn NY'ers! Come to the DavidShapiro/100hookup Dueling Pianos Party on Nov. 12 @ Sweet Caroline's! Buy TIX Now! https://tinyurl.com/ygljhfb #
• Meet someone "Grape!" Come to the LA Taste of the Westside Wine Party on Nov. 15! Buy tix NOW! https://tinyurl.com/yhtbf6l #
• RT @interactiveAmy It was 4 yrs ago tonight that I reconnected with @Joshkorin on @100hookup. Life hasn't been the same since! Smooch! #
• Mazel tov and Happy 100hookup-Anniversary @InteractiveAmy and @JoshKorin! When will you send in your success story for us to share? #
• RT @hookupbloggers @100hookup The Art of Personal Pics https://j.mp/2mAhln https://j.mp/zoOn2 – Check out the newest post from @singleedition! #

Over the last several months, I have received quite a few questions concerning long-distance relationships. It can be a great deal of work to maintain a relationship, especially one that has many miles between the two parties, but they can work.  Trust is definitely the major component here and, in my opinion, the most important component.

Trust can be established through communication.  It is vital that the lines of communication remain open and time is spent communicating.  Make sure your partner is your last call of the evening.  Take some time each and every day to send a quick email/text message to let the person know you are thinking of him/her. Don’t keep secrets and don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if your partner was standing directly in front of you. I also believe handwritten letters are a lost art. There is nothing like receiving a letter in your “real” mailbox. Put some time aside a few times a month to write letters to your partner. 

Make time to see the other person.  I realize money might be an issue, but maintaining a relationship does take face-to-face contact. Even if it is only once a month, find the time and money, it is well worth it! 

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Sometimes you think you’re over someone.  You take comfort in your current crush and roll with the punches.  Then, you see pictures of your former fling formidably happy with someone else, and, suddenly, sipping endless amounts of Vicodin seems the best way to distract yourself from any other drug of choice.  The question is, why are they happy when you’re ready to slit your wrists?  And even the thought of stitching yourself up isn’t enough to hold you together when, clearly, you could have made him happier.  So, if the only obstacle was a geographic formality, is there still hope?  Is the one thing missing that grand (albeit expensive) aerial gesture?  No, the fact of the matter is, if he wasn’t willing to fight for you – why fight for him?  Instead, roll with the punches and submit whoever can’t keep up for three rounds.  More than likely, they wanted to give in for a reason.  Attribute that to your chick charm – or ability to intimidate.  Either way, you won the match….

I looove Halloween, what a great holiday! It’s a fun opportunity for us to act like kids without apologizing for it. Being a brunette who’s petite, yet curvy, a sexy Wonder Woman costume seemed to fit the bill. As I searched for Superman/Clark Kent (no doubt a great how-we-met story don’t ya think?) some other treats passed me in the early evening. What a fun time Halloween is.

 Dear Gems from Jen,

So, I had asked you, earlier on the month, about a situation I had with a guy who had blown me off with no explanation after a great first date and constant texting and calls after. Well, his excuse was he lost his phone and came down with the flu. He apologized and we called a truce and I gave him a second chance which he seemed to be thankful for. Well, we met again for the second time the other night. The whole week prior to the date we texted each other constantly throughout the day and night (which bothered me a bit). I am used to talking on the phone a lot to get to know someone, but I have not dated in eight years so I just figured that texting is what singles are doing nowadays. Anyway, the date went well, we had a great conversation, he showed me pictures of his daughter, we talked about our kids and I was happy that we had met up again. He even commented on how happy he was that I gave him another chance. The date lasted four hours. Before we left the restaurant he told me to text him when I got home to let him know I was ok. I got home, texted him and went to bed.

 The next day I thought it a bit odd that I did not hear from him in the morning so I went about my day. Late in the afternoon, I texted him to say hi and asked how his day was going and I never heard from him again! Wow, do I feel like an idiot for giving this jerk a second chance. I am starting to think he has a girlfriend. Why would someone screw with someone’s head like this? If dating is like this nowadays let me stop right here. Who needs this aggravation and disappointment? That is why I left my husband. Since I am new to dating again please let me know if I did something wrong here…was it giving him a second chance?

Dear What Happened Part II,

Again, I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes, it takes us longer to learn the lessons we need to learn. This guy, as you can obviously tell at this point, is not being honest with you. He has a pattern here and if you ever hear from him again my suggestion would be to run the other way! I have no idea what his motives truly are, but he is not the straight-forward person he claims to be.

As for the texting, if this is not a comfortable way of communicating for you let the other person know. No one is a mind reader and you must feel comfortable in order to be fully vested in a relationship.

The only mistake you made was giving this guy a second chance.  We have all done it, so don’t beat yourself up. Just realize he is not the one for you and continue your search.  There really are nice guys out there!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Would you (and be honest) set up a friend of the opposite sex that you were attracted to — but weren’t dating? This was a conversation and predicament that I had with a guy friend recently. This resulted in the theory of the “lay away plan.”  Why would you set up someone if you might want to date them in the future or you knew that doing so would make you jealous? The answer: because the person is a friend, a true friend, and you would like them to be happy and you are willing to be selfless to see that happen. And if you can’t, maybe your friendship isn’t as true as you thought…Or, maybe you should ask them out. Things that make you go hmmm.

Hollyweird really knows how to breathe new life into the night of the living dead.  With girls traipsing around in next to nothing and dudes pretending to be someone they aren’t, the night was everything you could hope for in a masquerade.  That being said, my date with Rob Zombie was a hectic and hazy experience – but well worth the chaos.  Aside from the pretty little things that peppered the Palladium, the mosh pit was a mangled mess of a situation (much like my love life) and those brave enough to participate enrolled themselves in a drunken dance of punching and pushing that looked more or less like a ballistic ballet gone awry.  It’s nice to pretend to be someone else for a whole twenty-four though, what’s life without a little role-play?  So when you get bored with your current crush sitch, just don a disguise and go out looking for new guys.  It’s nice to get a little devilish in the City of Angels, and even better when all hell breaks loose.