Archive for November, 2009

I rarely get excited for events of any sort of religious nature, but the Schmooz-A-Palooza is coming up around the corner and is always an exception. Rather than a mixer where one goes to meet Mr. Right, she goes to meet and greet Mr. (or Misses!) Right Now, in a low-key, no pressure type of setting. The three floors filled with scandalously-clad kids allow for absolutely no boredom, and an endless array of active options. More or less, this night (unlike all other nights) serves as one giant reunion, and in addition to meeting people of a newer nature, ghosts from friends past, present, and future come from The Valley and the Westside to join in the festivities of a party so grand it takes an entire year to put together. So rather than stuff stockings and wait for the obese jolly man who could certainly use a fat flush stat, get to the party that everyone else and their mother will be at. More than likely you have work off the next day anyway and you never need an excuse to let loose on the famed sunset strip.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Riding a bike. It’s been nine years and I thought I was finally going to be off this site forever.  He was a real charmer, gave great lip service and I was a fool to let him slide when his words didn’t match his actions..  I guess it’s easy when you’re told what you want to hear, “You’re 99% perfect for me” and “The right one.” I wanted a stable situation and long-term happiness, one where I wasn’t one isn’t “all that” in the morning and “too needy” by nightfall.
I fell into another abusive relationship, I started having  doubts in February…He broke my heart.
I tell myself this time it’s over for good.  I’m even back on 100hookup, yet my heart still wants to be with him because I know all the good there is in him (his past wounds are still too much for him to conquer).
What’s wrong with me?  Why would I hang onto a man who is probably nothing more than a bad drug addiction.
I know each day it’ll get better.  Just how is it that an intelligent girl (as I am) can be such a fool when it comes to men?

Really down right now.

Dear Bike Rider,

Sometimes our fantasies outweigh our realities. I know how difficult this can be.  Our minds keep playing over and over the good qualities and we tend to block out the negative qualities. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a fool; you are human and just let the wrong guy in.  I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had this experience.  You fell into a trap that many of us have fallen into. When someone seems too good to be true, they usually are. Charm and seduction are hard qualities to let go of. Sometimes it is better to be ruled by our heads rather than our hearts. It sounds as if you know what is best for you and it is not this guy.  Give yourself time to learn the lessons you need to learn from this relationship. It’s alright to feel the way you are feeling.  Take comfort in knowing it will not be like this forever. Sometimes we have to experience the bad to recognize the good, so when the right person does come along we are ready and grateful.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Nothing is more awkward than the dreaded friend of the family set-up. As if dating wasn’t irritating enough, now you have various members of the peanut gallery suggesting future flings for you! So what do you do? Appease them, and spend at least an hour of your life wishing you were anywhere but here? I guess that hour beats an entire week of guilt tripping cate of every member of your family. But, to the rebellious hookup princess that more often than not dates everyone she shouldn’t, what exactly do you have to lose? In fact, one of these set ups may surprise you, and you could wind up with, dare I even suggest it, someone your mother would approve of! I know, that in and of itself is not exactly a turn-on, but not having to listen to fifty-five members of your family bitch at you about the sitch is reason enough. So give up an hour and you may be pleasantly surprised. You can always come up with some form of domestic emergency later if things don’t work out- like your cat decided to play in traffic, or the cupcakes you don’t even know how to cook up are burning and now your house is on fire. Just be creative, you don’t want him to know you’re ditching him to head home for a better date with your DVR.

We’ve all had our cases/moments where we thought “this is the One” and heartbreak was soon to follow…and in times of heartbreak, my mom would always say, (you can’t hurry love – actually that was Phil) “It may not seem like it now, but the next bus is around the corner.” And for singletons in NYC, the theory can’t be more true. In the city that never sleeps, there are always new friends to be made. So if you happen to think Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, trust me and mom, when I say the next bus is just around the corner.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Why do men lie about their age?  I personally would like to date an older man.  In my opinion an older, sophisticated man brings much more to the table offering stability and security, as well as goals met. This leaves much room for the successful development of a relationship. Of course, we all come with different baggage, but for me I would welcome a man ten to fifteen years older than myself. But, why would any woman be interested in starting a relationship being mislead. Why do men lie about their age?

Dear Pam,

I wish I had an answer that explained this mystery to you.  People don’t tell the truth for numerous reasons. I do believe our society tends to put the younger crowd on a pedestal. Getting older is looked upon by many as not attractive. I believe with age comes wisdom and a maturity that is very attractive. Not everyone feels this way though.  I agree, older men tend to bring stability to a relationship, but that does not mean younger men do not bring those same qualities to a relationship. I know, for me personally, I would not want to be misled; a lie is just that, a lie. An honest relationship requires being authentic from the very beginning, some people have a harder time at this than others. Do yourself a favor and make certain you put your age requirements in your profile. This way the men who are interested in getting to know you will not feel as they have to embellish the truth about themselves.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Is chivalry dead? Do independent women like chivalry? I am probably one of the most independent girls one could ever meet.  I go to work every day, pay my own bills, live alone, and rarely ask for help. I think nowadays some men believe independent women like to do everything for themselves.  I actually do enjoy taking care of myself 100%, but does that mean I don’t want to be treated like a girl? No, not really.  I have to admit I do like the car door opened for me. I like a door to a restaurant held open for me. I like to feel protected and cared for.  I like when a guy treats me like I am a girl. Not that I can’t do everything for myself, but chivalry, especially when I’m interested in the other person, makes me feel special.  In my opinion, chivalry is alive and well.

One of the various perks of MMA training is that when you fall in lust with a fellow fighter and they happen to aggravate you, you can actually beat the living daylights out of them. You can channel said anger into a right cross that happens to end up in a fist-meet-face scenario. This type of very physical therapy is probably my favorite. Not only does it serve you in the future by making you even hotter than ever – it’s as if your motivation is right in front of your face! Could the urge to workout be any more convenient? I doubt it. In Los Scandalous, a land of too many size twos, where eating is a less-than- fabulous faux pas, a girl can use all the motivation to lose the lbs. that she can get. So even though he may have kicked you where it hurts (your heart), you can seek superficial vengeance when you accidentally feng shui his face. Welcome to the new form of psychiatric help. The less expensive one-on-one therapy that happens to keep you sane. So when your current crush turned crash wants more, show him what he’s in for. You can’t keep a good girl down, for too long…

An old friend reached out to me this week expressing he had always had a crush on me but felt the timing wasn’t right for one reason or another. But now, though normally he would be shy and not express himself, he is trying the “George” (Costanza fictional character from the sitcom Seinfeld) and doing the opposite. For me, I truly applaud this thinking/behavior. Why wouldn’t you say how you feel and what is on your mind?  I get the whole “risk and rejection is not fun” theory.  But, on one hand, you have the status quo which is apparently not where you want to be. Shaking that up by articulating your desires, can only change the scenario for the better (potentially a happily ever after) or, at a minimum, give you the information you need to not waste your time and move forward. That being said, and admittedly this is sexist comment, I’m not sure I would encourage the same forthrightness by my women friends.  Despite the huge strides in the women’s movement, I believe there is a romantic ideal – call me traditional and old fashioned – that men do the pursuing and courting when it comes to romantic relationships. Women should flirt no doubt, but it is my experience that men (and their egos) generally give them enough of a “George” to go after so they aren’t at risk of letting him slip by.

I have gotten several letters from 100hookuprs inquiring about dating people who are divorced. What about the divorced daters out there? What are the guidelines, rules, and tips?

• Make sure you are over your ex before committing to a new relationship.  If you think about your ex and still feel emotion, whether it is anger or sadness, chances are you haven’t moved on completely.
• Remember, the person/people you are dating might have questions/concerns about the divorce.  Be honest, but only share when you feel ready.
• The person/people you are dating are not your ex.  Comparisons are unfair.
• If you have children, only introduce them to the new person when the two of you have entered into a committed relationship. Anything else can cause your children confusion, anger and hurt. Remember, you are entitled to have a life, but children should come first.
• Lastly, enjoy yourself. Divorce is serious business and can be very draining.  Give yourself permission to live life again.  Staring over can be an exciting journey. Time does heal the wounds and second chances in love are more common than most people really think!