Archive for October, 2009

So when does that initial, likely random, first date turn into something less random and more familiar?  When does the relationship start feeling as if you’re with someone who should have always been there…?

ON the first date you had a good time, a great time, a pleasant time. You go on a second and third date, but yet you’re not yet convinced as you begin to dip your feet into the potentially rough riptides.  You are in the ocean taking a step further in as each date passes, but the question is, are you being brought back to the sandy shore because of other options in the dating pool, or maybe because it just doesn’t feel quite right and the waves are pushing you back?

Or

Is it something that sticks with you even if you are not quite sure if you can explain it?  Even if it’s based on nothing more than a feeling, it’s still something you feel you should “tread” out.  So you hang out where you toes barely touch and you tread water content with seeing where this swim can take you. Will you encounter a tsunami with waves that will crash and burn or will it be a calm excursion that brings you deeply intertwined in a calm that you never experienced.

Many of us have our one-hit wonders that bring us back to shore, BUT in the event there is that connection that is worth treading for,  hold on to it for dear life because waves like that don’t come around too often. Some might even say it is an illusion, so enjoy the ride.

Dear Gems from Jen,

A while ago, I received the most wonderful Flirt from an American guy. Unfortunately, I pointed out that I’m in Australia (Sydney) and I never got a reply to my message.  How and what do I say in a message to get him to reply to me? He’s probably married by now, but I would like to connect with him.

Dear Distance,

Responding to Flirts is part of the fun when using 100hookup; however, connecting with someone who lives across the globe can be incredibly difficult. Once this guy realized you lived across an ocean my best guess is he went back to his search.

With that said, go ahead and message him again.  You have nothing to lose. At the very least the two of you could become email friends. Let him know you found him interesting and you realize there is a great distance between the two of you, but you would be curious to find out more. If he does not respond then keep on searching. Your best bet is to look at profiles in your geographical area if you are serious about entering into a long-term relationship.  Good luck and keep me posted.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Over the weekend as I was doing mundane bills and paperwork, I turned on the TV to the movie Hitch with Will Smith. The scene is where Kevin James is showing off his proud dance moves or as Kevin’s character calls them “making the pizza,” “the q-tip,” etc.  Will Smith denounces Kevin to never perform such moves in public especially in front of his love, the elegantly photographed Allegra Cole.  During the scene I was laughing out loud, because those are the quirky, endearing idiosyncrasies that I would fall for in a heartbeat.  What can I say, I am charmed by quirky, geeky, good guys.

My favorite holiday is right around the corner, the one where you get to dress up and masquerade around Hollyweird dressed as a completely different person. A free pass given to every girl dressed with skirts so short there’s no point to wearing them at all, and guys can gawk without being even remotely discreet about it. But aside from all the carnal couture and faux freaks that scatter throughout the city, the holiday entitles you to be whoever you want for one night of debauchery in lieu of another night of the normalcy we all know and abhor. So don your most shocking American Apparel and stalk the streets in something sinfully sweet, because the expiration date on this fantastic free-for-all ends promptly twenty-four hours after the start of All Hallow’s Eve. So find a trick, or a treat, or if you’re lucky – you’ll get to enjoy both.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Honestly, I find the blind online dating thing to be a little bit overwhelming. Normally, when you meet someone with whom you want to go out with, you come to that decision after a series of meetings, but on 100hookup the process is much more accelerated.

Each time that I’ve gone out on a date it’s been with a woman who I corresponded with over a few e-mails and who I find attractive from our e-mails and her photos. Each time, the conversation is good – smiling, laughing, no awkward silences – but the end is a bit of mystery. I hardly know the woman, but I want to see her again. If this were someone who I finally asked out after a period of getting to know her, I would definitely kiss her. But in this situation – where we’ve logged only two hours of face time together – I’m a bit perplexed. Do I kiss her? Do we hug? Do I make plans to get together again?

Is this a common reaction to first dates from other 100hookuprs? What do I do? Thanks.

Dear First Date Confusion,

I definitely understand your confusion! Online dating is not the same as meeting in the outside world.  However, things can and do progress naturally if the two people involved allow it to. It sounds as if your dates aren’t lasting long enough. Try having dates that last an entire evening. This way you can be sure if you are truly interested.
If you want to see someone again why not just ask her? Kissing and/or hugging at the end of a first date, whether it happens from a 100hookup meeting or an outside meeting is up to each person and how he/she is feeling. How would you handle it if you met without 100hookup? Go with your gut and make the decision based on how you are feeling. Don’t rush things, and let what happens come naturally. Think of it this way; meeting online can be a rushed process, but use the first date as just that, a first date.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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I received an email from a guy who was really good-looking. I was so flattered and couldn’t wait to read what he had written. Oh the horror! This man’s grammar left me feeling as if I was reading a foreign language. I responded with ‘Thanks for the email, but I’m not interested.’ This got me thinking.  How important is grammar when utilizing 100hookup? In my opinion, it is very important.  Don’t get me wrong, the occasional LOL, haha and ellipses are cute, but bad grammar is just a complete turn off.  I want to know I’m dealing with someone who has a brain. Is that too much to ask? My advice, spell check, use the proper to, too, or two.  Nothing is worse than using your instead of you’re, or their instead of there. Please 100hookuprs, do some quick editing before making connections.  You never know, it might be just the thing that will land you the date!

Watching a friend go through a bad break up is like a train wreck – it’s terrible but you can’t seem to look away. So what do you do when your crush turns into a crash? Good question. The simple solution is to pimp the victim out in the hopes that a distraction will help them move on quickly from the scene of the accident. Of course, residual effects will inevitably surface and suddenly they are screaming in pain from a delayed reaction to the pain of the accident. So perhaps the hit-it-and-quit-it method is not the best way to go. There’s of course the eat-yourself-to-sanity method, but given the uncertainty of the timeline you may jeopardize your chances of any future flame by packing on the pounds. My favorite method is the “work furiously at the gym” scenario; however the elliptical can have you feeling like a hamster on a wheel in no time. So have a drink and dive right back into the deep end, there’s no time like the present. Most importantly, breathe and be there for your friends and help them through the post-traumatic-stress ordeal. You could be the next one to crash and burn.

Tonight is my first game on a tennis league which I am very excited about. I have come to love tennis more and more as the years pass. I like the consistency and the strategy once you graduate to an intermediate player. Unfortunately though, the league is made up of mostly women and two guys (both of whom I adore as friends)…Go figure.  Therefore, this probably will not benefit my dating life…BUT, then again, who knows who will be on the court next to me. If lady serendipity is on my side, I may have to “accidently” aim some balls at the other court. Whoops. Please don’t tell. It will be our secret.

It is such an interesting phenomena.  Exs like to make their way back once you are over them.  Why is that?  How do they know?  Even if you haven’t spoken for months as soon as one moves on without fail the ex re-appears. I cannot think of one girlfriend who has not experienced this.

I am always confronted with the question, “what do I do now that he wants to give it another shot?”  The way I tend to look at the return of an ex is that there was a reason it ended, so do you want to go through that again? This is not to say some exs who reunite don’t work out, but the general rule is most don’t. I guess the lesson here is, if you are over it move on.  Find what it is you are really looking for.  An ex is like an old pair of shoes, sure they might be comfortable, but the soles are worn out. I always tell my friends who are considering going back to think very carefully before making the decision to return. Most people don’t change and patterns will usually repeat.