Archive for June, 2009

• Meet Arlene & Robert: https://tinyurl.com/lfhz3o All because Robert’s daughter gave him a 3-month subscription to 100hookup as a bday gift! #
• 100hookup Blog – Star Trek: The Search for Judaism Part 1 https://u.mavrev.com/9eir (RT via @_spock_) #
• New Jblog post: A fallen hero on a day of tragedy https://bit.ly/JKpbm #

Well, I’m a few weeks into the quarter-life crisis and happy to say I’m still mentally sane amidst the chaotic mess that is Cali. I guess I’m a little OG when it comes to mental breakdowns. I have yet to shop around for a therapist because hey, if I need someone to tell me what I’m doing wrong, I just ask my friends. Of course, the Percocet perks are little to none, but there’s always a two-for-one special on criticism. Now, however old-school I am in the mental madness area (etiquette indicates breakdowns happen behind closed doors, not in line at Starbucks); I am the complete opposite when it comes to the idea of marriage. While some of my friends are ready for the ring, I am more inclined to bide my time. I mean, I can’t even take care of a plant, let alone a future fiancé. So what’s a girl to do when the whole of young America seems to be pairing off like a nuptial Noah’s Ark? Suddenly Hallmark, Lifetime, and the like have conspired together to have you really feeling the “Unbearable Lightness of Being.”

I truly feel that when it comes to California, our beloved residence is light years behind the beau-crazed belles of the South, and this state of being is great. You get more time to waltz around the world before you sprint down the aisle past the bad nightmare-inducing dresses in candy colors…and no matter what the champagne count is, YMCA will never be considered ohmigod-I-love-this-song worthy. Inevitably, and like most twenty-somethings, I plan on tying the knot at some point, I’d just rather not choke my social life with that noose just yet. So even though the single scene often has you ending the night sans a happily ever after, do I think it’s well worth it? I do. Too many girls are so preoccupied with finding “the one” they forget to make sure he’s one-and-only worthy. So until I truly am the last girl standing, and the said single ladies are all extinct, I’m just going to love, honor, and obey at a later date.

In the wake of the June 10, 2009 fatal shooting at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C., the face of a hero has emerged– a man who lost his life while protecting others — 39-year-old Stephen Tyrone Johns. Johns, a security guard at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, was murdered after opening the museum door for James W. Von Brunn who immediately opened fire in the museum’s entry hall. Johns had little time to react and, by the time he drew his .38 caliber revolver, was hit by a rifle shot in the torso. In reaction, the remaining security guards immediately shot Von Brunn, who was critically wounded. Von Brunn has been charged with murder and may also face hate crime charges.

Stephen Tyrone Johns was known amongst friends as a “big guy with a big heart” and a man that “would do anything for the visitors that came to the museum.” A lifelong Washington Redskins fan, his colleagues would frequently have friendly arguments with him about the Redskins’ archrivals, the Dallas Cowboys. According to friends, Johns had recently remarried and had a young son. Stephen Tyrone Johns made the ultimate sacrifice to save the lives of others and his deed and memory will live on forever.

Dear Gems from Jen,
I always offer and usually do pay for dinner, drinks and flowers on dates with the ladies! I suppose it’s expected and traditionally, it’s a man’s role to take care of expenses! Although, many times women step up to the plate!

My question is, through being on a few computer dating services and having read many different bios, lots of females say they love to travel. Do women expect men to pay for the cruise, a weekend in Paris, or even a trip to Disney? What is the proper protocol for who pays?   

Thank you,  
Arnie
 
Dear Arnie,
 
A few weeks ago I answered a very similar question.  However, your question has more to do with bigger expenses, than dinner, drinks, or coffee dates.  It is traditionally a man’s role to take care of the expenses, but that does not mean that a woman should expect that the man will pay for everything. I have always said that a woman should have enough cash on a date to cover at the least her share of the bill.
 
A day at Disney is one thing if you happen to live near a Disney park. I would consider this a day trip and a nice place for a date.  However, it is expensive. If you invite a date with you to Disney I would be prepared to pay.  The one who does the inviting, I believe, is the one who covers the bill.  If you cannot afford it, don’t go there.  If your heart is set on Disney and expenses are an issue, have an open a discussion with your date about who will pay for what.
 
I know for me personally I love to travel.  Does this mean that I expect the person I am traveling with to pay the cost of my portion? Absolutely not, however, keep in mind that I wouldn’t go on a cruise or a weekend getaway with a man I was casually dating for a few weeks. Expenses need to be discussed before a vacation is planned with a romantic partner.  If a couple does not agree beforehand on the money aspect, one person may end up feeling taken advantage of; while the other may feel guilty. Or, it could lead to a disagreement. Communication is the key here. My suggestion is to get to know someone well before you start to plan vacations.
 
Signed,
Gems from Jen

The one thing I’m asked most often is, how do people juggle it all? How do people find the time to date, work at demanding jobs, do errands, spend time with friends and family, have alone time AND work out? No doubt life is a shuffling game of priorities where one thing or another is always in the air. Recently, 100hookup smartly hosted a mixer at the Reebok Sports Club/NY gym in the UWS. A perfect example of combining things on my “To Do List” (mixing and working out). The mixer included smoothies and the opportunity to take one of three aerobics classes. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – two great tastes that taste great together. Okay, focus. As a member of Reebok and an unpaid endorser – Reebok is great, though its uber expensive, like most things are in NYC. So time spent at a swanky gym, working out and mixing – seems like a slam dunk. The upside is that even if you don’t meet that special someone, it is gonna make you sweat one way or the other.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I am new to this. Literally just joined the other day. I’ve never done online dating before. I received some messages and some men I replied back to. Their instant reply was to send their phone numbers. I have never even chatted with them. Is this weird? I thought the whole purpose was to chat with someone first, before you do so on the phone or in public. What is online etiquette?

Dear Online Dating Etiquette,

I agree with you one hundred percent! The whole purpose of online dating is to get to know if someone might be a match for you before speaking/meeting. My suggestion would be to first chat with a potential match before calling or giving out your phone number. A profile can only demonstrate so much about a person’s character, traits, personality, etc.

My suggestion would be to ask these men to engage in some online chatting before speaking on the phone. Be sure to keep your personal information private until you are comfortable with the person you are interested in meeting. Always trust your intuition and do not reveal too much about your private life until you are ready and feel safe to do so.

The men who instantly gave their telephone numbers show their aggressive nature.  Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it sounds to me that you would rather have some online chatting before you speak on the telephone. Stay in your comfort zone and let things progress in a way that works best for you.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Photo Date: 1966 Photo by Ken Whitmore - All Rights Reserved, 1978 Ken Whitmore - Image courtesy MPTV.net

In light of the current J.J. Abrams cinematic reboot of the Star Trek franchise, the JFacts team decided to dig a little deeper and see what impact hookup people have had on this ever-evolving cultural phenomenon. First and foremost, you should know that three members of Star Trek: The Original Series (or TOS in geekier circles) are, in fact, hookup.

William Shatner as Captain James Tiberius Kirk

Before negotiating the terms of air travel and hotel stays for Priceline.com, Shatner negotiated through space and time as Captain of the USS Enterprise. Born in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, Shatner’s grandparents were hookup immigrants from Poland and Hungry. Shatner’s grandfather was born Wolf Schattner and later anglicized the family name to Shatner. After the initial 1966-69 run of Star Trek, Shatner reprised the role of James Kirk in seven subsequent Star Trek films,starred as the title role in T.J. Hooker and won an Emmy for his performance as attorney Denny Crane in Boston Legal.

Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock

Leonard Nimoy was born in 1931 in Boston, Massachusetts to Yiddish-speaking hookup immigrants from Izyaslav, Ukraine. After starring in over 50 television and film roles, Nimoy was cast as Mr. Spock in Star Trek and received three Emmy nominations for playing the complicated half-human, half-Vulcan character. Nimoy would go on to star in seven subsequent Star Trek film adaptations, including 2009’s Star Trek, and directtwo of the films, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock and the most successful of the original film adaptations, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Nimoy also directed the 1986 hit comedy Three Men and Baby starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.

Walter Koenig as Pavel Checkov

Koenig was born in 1936 in Chicago, Illinois to hookup immigrants from Russia who upon coming to the United States shortened their last name from Konigsberg to Koenig. Koenig was added to the cast of Star Trek because of his resemblance to The Monkees star Davy Jones, in an attempt to woo a younger audience. The character was also added because of an article in Pravda (the central publication of the Soviet Union), which complained about the lack of Russians in Star Trek. After the run of the initial television series, Koenig rejoined the cast of Star Trek for six subsequent films and was a frequent cast member n the TV series Babylon 5. Koening stood as best men for Trek cast mate George Takei (Sulu) in his highly-publicized 2008 wedding to Brad Altman.

The Vulcan Salute

One of the most famous lines in Star Trek is the Vulcan salutation, “Live long and prosper,” which is usually accompanied by a hand salute with an extended thumb and a v-shape made by spreading the index and ring fingers. This salute was created by Leonard Nimoy on the fly during the filming of the first episode of the second season of Star Trek: The Original Series. Nimoy felt there should be a distinct greeting amongst Vulcans, something akin to a handshake, so he adopted a gesture similar to what was used in the synagogue he attended as a youth. The hookup gesture he co-opted for Star Trek is half of the original blessing used by the kohanim, whom are genealogical descendents of hookup priests from the Jerusalem Temple. The true blessing used for hookup worship uses both hands. As the Vulcan salute seeped into pop culture, many incorrectly assumed it was a tip of the hat to the hippie culture that arose around the same time. It was not until much later when Nimoy revealed the secret of the salute, that its hookup origins were made public.

Now as any chic chicklet living in super sunny So Cal can verify, horrifyingly bad pick-up lines appear in daily conversation as much as Ryan Seacrest produces bad reality shows. It’s bad enough that all of L.A. has turned into one giant construction site where fluency in catcalling is considered a legit qualification for the bilingual label, but what do you do when these boys try to take their sad attempts to holler for a dollar on screen (and I don’t mean in a Romantic Comedy)? I’m talking about all those gents lacking in certifiable cyber savoir-fair, and more specifically the wondrous webcam question. The question of, “Do you have a webcam?” is neither a sweet nor innocent request. Though I totally understand and am all for a little pictorial preview of your soon-to-be babe, the brash inquiry is more capable of inducing a sickening feeling than it is of initiating a couple of notoriously well-known and craved butterflies. The window shopping has simply got to stop, or be taken elsewhere if you’re looking to hit it and quit it. The naivete is quite frankly so last year and ladies have learned not to sneak a peek because their online boytoy will be “hear” today, gone tomorrow in a matter of IM exchanges. Simply stated, if you’re looking for a pretty low maintenance peep show, I advise you to escort your shenanigans anywhere other than our beloved web of the world. Or at least come up with some more enticing opening liners than a webcam question mark. Because darling, the only answer you’ll be getting is from some chickenhead who, let’s face it, would go for anything with a pecker. Class always beats ass, and integrity, like my fave color, goes with anything.

I’m constantly reminded by the flight attendants that the Airline only allows one carry-on baggage that can either fit in the overhead compartment or beneath the seat in front of me.  Aaaah, wouldn’t life be that grand if relationships were the same? You start dating someone, things are great…you are in the honeymoon phase…you can’t get enough of each other..it is an intoxicating high… AND thump….clarity ensues as you learn of the proverbial baggage that we all have… So, now what? The airline usually takes the excessive baggage and makes you check it- but in reality, the temporary fix of the reshuffle is not that easy.  We all have histories and we all have baggage, so I guess the bottom line is whether we can deal with the pieces that have been revealed or do we opt for someone with less pieces?  Divorce..widow…kids…jailbird..axe murder…insane mother…depression… are all pieces that don’t always neatly fold into the ideal ‘Leave it To Beaver’ Land.  Of course, being able to deal with the proverbial baggage depends on your own individual history, exposure and strength.  And if you decide you can’t deal, who knows if the next lover won’t have the same baggage or more? I guess I’m wishful in hoping the baggage of my future mate fits neatly in the overhead compartment. But, that’s highly unlikely because life is not a fairytale.  However, the truth is that I would rather opt for the “right person” with excessive baggage than the wrong person whose baggage fits neatly into the overhead compartment.  But I guess that also depends on the weight restriction…

Dear Gems from Jen,

I was fixed up with an adorable guy who just lost his wife 6 months before.  We date and sleep together but he constantly talks about his wife.  For three Saturdays in a row, we didn’t go out.  First Saturday, he had a family reunion, second Saturday, it was Valentine’s Day, which was a special holiday with his wife and the third Saturday, he said he had work to do for a play he was producing.  Instead of allowing him to break up with me, I broke up with him in a message over the phone.  I miss him – what should I do?  Forget him or call him?  We haven’t talked for 3 months.

Dear Still Mourning His Wife,

Mourning a loved one’s death is different for each person.  There are no hard and fast rules; however, there are stages people tend to go through until they get to a place most commonly known as acceptance.  The man you were involved with seems to have not yet reached the acceptance stage.  Why do I say that? Let me explain. You acknowledged that he was constantly talking about his wife.  He also was not able to spend Valentine’s Day with you because it was a day that was filled with memories of his late wife.

What is it you miss about him? If you knew this man was a widower, you believed he was going to break up with you, and the death of his wife occurred just months before you began dating him, what was it that you expected from this relationship? What would you like from him now, only a few months later? 

It sounds to me as if you were competing with an ingrained memory. I question if he could be fully invested in a relationship with you, after such a brief and incomplete period of mourning. I wonder how he feels about being told you no longer were interested in dating him via a phone message. This man has lost his wife and has now had another relationship end without any choice or input from him, all in less than a year.

My best suggestion would be to move forward and leave him in the past. Find someone who is emotionally available and can become invested 100 percent in a relationship with you. Everyone has memories, but some are harder to let go of than others.

Signed,
Gems from Jen