Dear Tamar,

Why do some guys respond to my inquiries with lightening fast reflexes while others are slow as molasses? Thanks!

Dear Response Time Riddle,

Most of my mail comes from people that don’t know why they aren’t getting any response at all, so the fact that you are actually getting responses is what really matters, right? LOL!  But, I can totally understand your frustration and I can only assume that the guys you’re really interested in are the ones who respond slowly, right? There are so, so many reasons someone can have for not responding quickly: maybe he’s been busy at work or out of town and hasn’t had time for 100hookup; maybe he had just met someone and wanted to give her a fair shake; maybe he wasn’t sure if he was interested in you and was taking his time trying to decide. Some guys may be responding faster because they’re new on 100hookup and more eager, or they were instantly smitten by your email and profile and didn’t need time to think about it or they’re just more active on 100hookup looking for their Beshert. Who really knows? I do know you should give every guy a chance no matter how long they take to contact you and not to mention the time lapse because you never know where you’ll find your Beshert. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

I have been on 100hookup for a few months. More than 100 men have viewed my profile. I am communicative and don’t hesitate to reach out. I don’t usually have self confidence issues, am optimistic and funny but no one responds to me. Many of those men seemed like serious, interesting people who I’d love to meet just for coffee. I do not mind being on my own, but I desire companionship and connections with other people. My father suggested it’s because I am healing from a spinal problem. I have so much to offer the right person, but I won’t be dishonest. Could people possibly be rejecting me because I can’t do cartwheels right now? The lack of response is disheartening, but also baffling. I tell myself I am only looking for one, but it doesn’t change the fact that no one responds to me. Any advice?

Dear What’s TMI?

I give you credit for making such an effort while recovering from a spinal injury. That said, I don’t think mentioning that injury is necessary in an introductory email and especially not in your profile — this includes not having photos showing your injury. You’re not lying; this information is simply none of their business at this point. To put it blunt — these guys are basically strangers right now. A disability, a divorce, or depression, or anything that could be seen as negative or as “baggage,” is TMI — too much information. My advice would be to not mention your injury and recovery until you are making plans to meet. The first date will probably take place at the typical bar, restaurant or coffee shop, so simply mention you’ll be arriving in a brace or using a walker or what-have-you and briefly explain why and offer to tell the whole story on the date. Do not mention your injury before then. Any emails you send to men on 100hookup should be casual, upbeat, and short and sweet. Mentioning this and explaining your recovery from a spinal injury is anything but those three things and it unfortunately doesn’t surprise me that you haven’t received a response. I bet with your new approach, you will! Good luck on your recovery and on finding love!

Hi Tamar,

I get a lot of responses from great guys, who seem really excited to meet me and all enthusiastic, but then they just stop talking to me. This happened recently. A guy was really excited to meet me and was supposed to call me that night, but I never heard from him and then he stopped talking to me. I couldn’t have possibly said anything wrong between the time we met and when he said he was going to call so I’m wondering what happened?

Dear Stop Loss,

Unfortunately, this is not unusual with Internet dating. The men you’re talking to are probably talking to a few other women as well, and if one of those connections turned serious, he’s likely to no longer correspond with you. He figures he doesn’t owe you anything because he hasn’t met you yet. I once received an email from a 100hookup I hadn’t yet met and he told me he was getting serious with someone and could no longer make plans or communicate with me. To be honest, I felt it was a little overboard. He didn’t need to go through such extremes writing me a lengthy email, but on the other hand, it was better to know than to be left in a state of mystery like you’re in right now. As for the man you were supposed to meet, just chalk him up as a coward and move on. You will need to weed through these losers until you find your beshert, but believe me, women are pulling the same stunts with men. We’re all in the same boat. My suggestion is not to spend too much time corresponding before meeting.  As I’ve said before, your 100hookup profile already supplies the information you would normally exchange on the first date, so try to keep the pre-date communication to a minimum or else risk creating expectations that neither side can meet. Good luck!

Dear Gems from Jen,

I got an e-mail on 100hookup from another member who gave me his phone number. My question is should I have called him right away after receiving that e-mail or should I wait for him to make the next move by calling me first? I asked my mom and she told me to wait a day and see what happens and that if he is really interested in me that he would call me first or should I call him first?

Dear Phone Calling,

My question to you is; why would you wait to call this guy? He gave you his number and in my opinion that is your cue to pick up the phone and call him. I realize it can be uncomfortable for a woman to call a man, but he gave you the number which is a sure fire sign that he would like to speak.  Perhaps he felt uncomfortable asking for your number since the two of you have never met.  I know I would prefer to get the number rather than give out my number when only corresponding through email. Do yourself a favor and don’t begin a potential relationship by playing games. If you are interested in getting to know him better pick up the phone and give him a call.  Keep in mind that what worked for mom may not work for you.

Signed,
Gems from Jen