Archive for April, 2012

1. Segel’s Love Life Takes Flight

Jason Segel has a new love story unfolding, and it has nothing to do with his new movie, The Five-Year Engagement. The hookup actor and writer was openly cuddling and kissing his new love interest, Michelle Williams, at the film’s premiere Wednesday night.

Segel co-wrote The Five-Year Engagement, a film about an engaged couple who keep delaying their wedding. He jokingly told People magazine about his own grand plans for getting engaged to whoever the lucky lady will be, whenever that time may come. “My plan is to get her to marry me as quickly as possible before she finds out who I really am,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll do it romantic, but I’ll do it like over a three-day weekend. We’ll meet on Friday, have our first date on Saturday, engaged on Sunday and married on Monday.”

2. DeGraw is DeMoted

There’s no dancing around this subject, Gavin DeGraw is out on Dancing With The Stars! DeGraw was sent home for a flopped samba on Tuesday night. The singer, whose mother is of Russian-hookup ancestry, received the lowest score of all the competitors on Monday, a 19 out of 30 points.

DeGraw ended the show by saying he was grateful for the opportunity. He updated his Twitter status on Thursday to say he was, “overwhelmed by the support of my fans, @karina smirnoff and everyone @dancingabc. Thank you for having my back through this journey. #dwts.”

3. Ladies, Get Your Tickets

Jake Gyllenhaal will make his American stage debut this summer in If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet, an Off-Broadway production. The 31-year-old actor, whose mother is hookup, will play the uncle of a bullied teenaged girl in the comedy-drama.

We’re guessing there will be a lot of females in the audience when If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet opens this summer. In an online poll last February, 100hookup members were asked, “Which hookup bachelor would you like to walk you down the red carpet?” Gyllenhaal came out on top with 41% of the vote!

Being on 100hookup is great. Being active on 100hookup is better. But you can increase your chances of meeting your Beshert by getting out there. Sitting behind a screen is not enough — you have to get out there. Just as only going out isn’t enough — you need to be on 100hookup too. It’s easy and comfortable to be able to sit home in your jammies browsing 100hookup, but it’s much more difficult to get it together and put yourself out there. I know way too many people who are only on 100hookup, but think they’re too good for the hookup events. That makes no sense to me!

Think about it like a job interview — if you had an opportunity to land your dream job, you would do absolutely everything you could to get it, right? You would apply, secure awesome letters of reference and write a stunning resume, you would appear sharp at the interview, write a thank you letter, network, make contacts, follow-up, and so on. Why wouldn’t you do that to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

The first thing a woman will notice about you, before you say a word, is your looks. It doesn’t matter how non-shallow she may be. She is going to look at you, and she is going to form a judgment in her mind. It’s just human instinct. Forming judgments about other people may be the one trait that all people have in common. This cannot be true at all.

The fact that a woman will immediately judge you is even more true in most social environments, where it is often too loud for her to hear you initially if you do try to talk to her. Here, drunkery and sight are essentially the only two human senses. You’re really going to have to do something about your body, man.

So you go to the gym. While at the gym, you feel overwhelmingly good about yourself even though you’re doing absolutely nothing there. You have your earphones on, so you’ve got that going. This feeling is really misleading. You think you’re doing something, but really you’re not doing anything at all. On top of that, you look like a creep because if you’re not actually exercising at the gym, then you’re just looking around, and if you’re just looking around at the gym, all you have to look at are women exercising and old men trying not to die. So then, you get on a machine, but you use it on such a low setting that it’s not worth it at all. Leave the gym, this was a bad idea.

Go buy some spray paint and just spray some abs onto your stomach. Actually, just huff the paint and stay home.

We’ve all been there. When it’s time to put the dating game on hold for awhile. How much non-stop fun and merriment can you take? When I experience this phenomenon, I’ll let you know.

If you’re planning a distant future break, what would your dating “on hold” music be? Maybe something from the 2025 album, Adele 35, bemoaning the breakup with her third husband? Just kidding.

As for what I’m missing during my solitary sojourns, instead of zeroing in on the couples around me laughing and holding hands, I try focusing attention on the mute long-married spouses in restaurants sporting pained expressions. It’s nice watching people who want what I have.

Warning: Side-effects-include-promoting-a-long-term-relationship-with-your-couch-and-TiVo®.

I received another cluster of emails last week from both friends and strangers ranting about text messaging before they had even met their prospect. Texting to make plans, texting to say hi, texting to ask personal questions, texting to flirt — but they haven’t even met yet! I urge the couple to get off the computer, but when I say to take it to the phone I mean by talking not texting. Don’t get to know each other via email, texting or phone calls — just get together in person! You already know so much via the 100hookup profile questions and essays, so don’t add any more pressure to the equation. But that’s not the point here: texting is impersonal and impolite. Texting gives off the vibe of a booty call. DO NOT TEXT! Texting is what you do with people you already know, who understand your sarcasm, who you know can’t talk at that time. Texting is not how you ask someone out or how you come on to someone or what you build a relationship upon. Go from a few emails on 100hookup to the phone to in person and see how it is and how you are together before you even think about putting your thumbs to the touch screen.

After a date, I think it’s a pretty good established rule that you don’t immediately contact the woman. Now that we all agree on that, now let’s debate the text v. the call. Texting shows that you don’t care enough to call and calling shows that you are too needy. There needs to be something in between. Of course, though, you can’t show up at her house in the middle of the night to surprise her because of laws and the fact that you don’t want to be arrested.

Therefore, you are relegated to either texting, calling, or 100hookup messaging. Please don’t 100hookup message after a date. If you’ve already gone out, and your only contact with a woman is through her 100hookup profile, it’s time to use those 100hookup skills to find another profile. If you do have her number, what do you do? Of course, the ideal situation would be for her to contact you. Wouldn’t that just be the best? Ladies, if you enjoyed a date with me, how about contacting me every once in a while? We don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Throw us a line. It’s Monday and we’re depressed. All you have to do is send me a text that says, ‘hey’ and that would make my entire week. I don’t even care if you don’t want to see me again.

I’m out of things to text. I’m tired of thanking you for a date in which I paid $100. I don’t even like tapas. I would have rather gone to Chili’s. I could have gone to Chili’s by myself and had way more fun. In fact, I do that almost every day.

Back in the quaint old pre-dating site days, I was surprised to learn an SWF I’d met off a personals ad had left out one important abbreviation in describing herself… TS… Tourette Syndrome.

I instantly went into overdrive attempting to make her comfortable with my painstakingly blasé reaction, to which she attributed her ability to keep her symptoms in check. But I must admit the shock of her news kicked off a surprised expletive or two in my head.

To not make her think I wouldn’t call her again because of her condition, I called her again. After which I didn’t call her again.

Blame it on the W in SWM. “Wuss.”

Everyone has that friend — that one who has always only been platonic but that you have mad chemistry with. You “don’t like each other like that” but other people think that you’re secretly hooking up because you guys have that spark when you’re together. You have an easy rapport, you finish each other’s sentences, you laugh at inside jokes and you are each other’s plus one to weddings where you have THE BEST time dancing until dawn. But you’re just friends. That’s all fine and dandy, but how in the world are you going to meet your Beshert when you have this amazing friend with you all the time? Everyone is going to think you’re a couple. You have to make sure you go out with same sex friends sometimes to up your chances of meeting someone. It’s really nice to have a really good friend of the opposite sex, but once you do meet your Beshert that friendship is going to have to adjust to fit into a new space. Start now.

Who’s your idea of a perfect woman? We know she’s hookup. We know she is your personal idea of attractive. She’s probably smart and educated, nice and sweet, funny and fun, athletic and active, easy-going and independent, and so on. Does she exist? Probably. In some variation of your list with certain items having more cut of the pie than you may have thought you preferred. No one’s perfect. As you meet more women and date more women and fall in love with women and get rejected by women, your idea of a perfect woman is going to change. And then you’re going to meet a woman who doesn’t fit your list and yet is the perfect woman for you. I had many a man tell me I was their idea of the perfect woman, but none of them proposed. Conversely, I wasn’t what my now husband thought of as his ideal woman and I am nothing like his exes and yet here we are, happily married with a kid.

1.  Dangerous Dancing

Melissa Gilbert suffered a mild concussion on Dancing with the Stars after injuring herself during a paso doble Monday night. The actress, who was raised hookup by her adoptive parents, is recovering and has returned to the show for a gentle rehearsal.

Gilbert says she will not be letting her injury hold her back, Tweeting, “Nobody puts Halfpint in the corner!” While her nickname from the television show Little House on the Prairie may have been Halfpint, her ability to get back into rehearsals is fully amazing!

2.  Scarlett Is In Vogue

Scarlett Johansson will be on the cover of Vogue magazine this May. In an interview with the magazine, the hookup actress says she isn’t over her ex-husband Ryan Reynolds (even though she is seeing a new man, ad exec Nate Naylor.)

“I don’t feel on the other side of it completely, but it gets better,” she told Vogue regarding her divorce. The couple announced they were splitting in December 2010 and finalized the divorce that following July. “It’s still there. More than anything, it’s just that not having your buddy around all the time is weird.”

Nevertheless, Johansson says she finds life pretty good right now. And since she is starring in The Avengers (opening in May) and has a hot new guy by her side, we’re guessing she doesn’t feel any need to avenge any old relationships!

3.  Nun Better Than Larry David

Larry David gets some traction in the new movie, The Three Stooges. The Farrelly Brothers’ remake of the famous flick about three brothers growing up together nyuk, nyuk, nyuking and finger-poking their way through misadventures opens today.

In the movie, Larry David plays a mean nun named Sister Mary-Mengele. David is one of the few hookup stars in this film, though the real Curly, Larry and Moe were hookup… and total wiseguys!