Archive for August, 2010

Month after month, the same faces seem to gaze upon you from the computer screen as you peruse 100hookup, searching, hoping that the discovery of a new face will appear. And you hope and wait and pray that this find will be a perfect match, both of you Hot-Listing each other, sending Flirts, messages and finally exchanging phone numbers only to meet up and unearth your beshert. But month after month this is not to be and your 100hookup prospects seem to be thinning as quickly as your boss’s hairline. Frustration sets in.

Date after date, the faces sitting across from you begin to all look alike, memories of those dates turn into a redundant void, lacking chemistry and stimulating conversation.  Even still, you hope, wait and pray before each date that this time will be different; this time your interest will be piqued, and there will be instant attraction, and you won’t want the night to end. But date after date this is not to be and the possibility of finding your beshert seems to be disappearing faster than the alcohol at an open bar wedding reception. Frustration turns to indignation.

So what’s a single Jew to do? Before you become so cynical you can’t see straight, I suggest reevaluating what YOU want out of life, out of a mate. Talk to any of your single friends, of any gender, any age, in any city and you’ll be quickly comforted by the fact that you’re not alone in your misery. Reevaluate your priorities: where do you want to go in your career? Are you spending enough quality time with family and friends? Are you eating well and exercising? Take a step back and take some “you” time and then give your 100hookup profile a facelift.

Once you’ve put everything into perspective and finished your profile makeover (new photos, new screen name, new paragraphs and most of all, new attitude) you’ll not only begin attracting potential dates like a moth to a flame, but you’ll be the *NEW* face on the screen and faces that once blended into the background will now stand out. Try it and good luck!

Since a majority of people on 100hookup have four or five pictures of themselves posted on their profile it is only natural that they aren’t going to look exactly the same in each picture. Different environments, times of the year and styles all contribute to a certain degree of variance between each snap shot. Over the course of six months or a year, even though a person’s physical features may not noticeably change, their hairstyles (and amount of facial hair for men), style of clothing and settings where their pictures are primarily taken might change, creating a different look for each picture.

Recently I have been asked by several lovely ladies with whom I have been emailing on 100hookup which one of my pictures I currently look the most like. This repeated question caused me to re-evaluate my aesthetic look in each photo in order to determine which one most clearly indicates how I look right now. The funny part of this analysis was that two of the pictures I had posted were from the spring, but due to the lighting, how I had my hair styled and the clothes I was wearing didn’t depict my current “look” as well as an older picture I also have up on my profile from last summer.

Even though I have the same hairstyle and am wearing similar clothing to my current style  in the photo from last summer, I was lazy in the days leading up to the photo and therefore have way more facial hair than I would ever normally have. Unfortunately, in the two other pictures I have posted my head is buzzed, which I used to do quite frequently.  Even though I think they are good photos of me in general, they don’t come close to illustrating my current look.

Ultimately, the pictures we choose to represent us on dating websites are important since they are the first thing we notice about a profile, which serves as the gateway to whether or not we proceed to read through the rest of it. In the end I think that it is essential for our self-confidence that we project a positive initial impression, and the only way 100hookuprs® can do that is online. So why not post pictures that you feel good about? As long as you aren’t completely misleading people, I think it’s important to always try to put your best self forward.

Yesterday, as I was sitting in my Dermatologist’s waiting area, I witnessed the cutest elderly couple. They had a European accent and my best guess from eavesdropping is that they witnessed the Holocaust. My doctor later informed me that the gentleman who was her patient as well, and a former Dr., was 94 (he was looking pretty good at 94). His wife about the same age (also looking pretty good, mobile, healthy and happy). But what touched me the most was the love that radiated between them. I guess the wife noticed my smile. In her nineties, she was a take charge gal keeping them on their schedule for the day but she was clearly so loving and caring to her husband in making sure he was okay. She must have read my mind as she said ’70 years’. Wow. Now, that is a gift. Having a wonderful loving best friend for 70 years. I can only be so lucky and trust the best is yet to come for me in that department.

Hi Tamar,

I get a lot of responses from great guys, who seem really excited to meet me and all enthusiastic, but then they just stop talking to me. This happened recently. A guy was really excited to meet me and was supposed to call me that night, but I never heard from him and then he stopped talking to me. I couldn’t have possibly said anything wrong between the time we met and when he said he was going to call so I’m wondering what happened?

Dear Stop Loss,

Unfortunately, this is not unusual with Internet dating. The men you’re talking to are probably talking to a few other women as well, and if one of those connections turned serious, he’s likely to no longer correspond with you. He figures he doesn’t owe you anything because he hasn’t met you yet. I once received an email from a 100hookup I hadn’t yet met and he told me he was getting serious with someone and could no longer make plans or communicate with me. To be honest, I felt it was a little overboard. He didn’t need to go through such extremes writing me a lengthy email, but on the other hand, it was better to know than to be left in a state of mystery like you’re in right now. As for the man you were supposed to meet, just chalk him up as a coward and move on. You will need to weed through these losers until you find your beshert, but believe me, women are pulling the same stunts with men. We’re all in the same boat. My suggestion is not to spend too much time corresponding before meeting.  As I’ve said before, your 100hookup profile already supplies the information you would normally exchange on the first date, so try to keep the pre-date communication to a minimum or else risk creating expectations that neither side can meet. Good luck!

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Dear Tamar,

I have been on 100hookup for a few weeks now and I have not gotten any emails or IM’s. What is wrong with me, my pics or my profile?

Dear What’s My Problem?

It could be both! If you doubt your pics and profile, then it sounds like you need to revisit both. Employ a trusted friend or family member to critique your photos and profile. This person should have your best interests at heart and you need to be open to what they suggest. The pictures you may think are good may not be as flattering of you may think. Remember that others see you as up to 20% better looking than you see yourself, so if your confidant wants you to use other pictures you should listen. Then, let your confidant edit your About Me profile to his or her heart’s desire because the written word is only as good as the person reading it. Once you’re done, you will get the super-cool “New” icon and will be at the top of searches, enabling you to catch someone’s eye who may have overlooked you before. And remember to Click!® and Hot List people you like so they know you’re interested and will feel secure sending you an email. Good luck!

Although I am now a 100hookup pro, I have to admit one thing – a couple months ago I wasn’t completely sold on the idea of becoming a member of the 100hookup community. Before I joined I had many friends who had enjoyed the experience and encouraged me to create a profile. During their pitches they would inevitably recount past dating successes and failures to illustrate the wide-range of people and personalities you can meet online compared to a crowded bar on a Saturday night. After hearing so many of their stories I began to see a pattern emerge in how each of them referred to the people they met and went out on dates with; it was never Jenny or Tanya or Michelle… they all used nicknames.

When I asked my sister, an experienced 100hookupr®, about this phenomenon she informed me that the only way to keep all her dates straight was to take a characteristic or personality trait that was unique to them and give them a nickname based on that trait. So, for instance, the guy who studied biology would become “Bioboy,” the guy who went to Harvard would be “Harvard Boy,” and so on. Unless of course you had the mind of an elephant, she said, there was no way she could avoid confusing all of her dates.
 
When I eventually joined, I came out of the gates a little shaky but quickly gained momentum as I built up a rapport with “Med-School Girl,” “The Artistic Chick” and “Unemployed Nanny” before going out on a date with “Tap Dancing Woman” and then dating “The Runner” for a couple of months; and I’ve got to say that coming up with nicknames helped me develop a keener eye for noticing those little special quirks about the people I was getting to know.

My sister and I used to laugh about all of her dates, and the funny nicknames she gave them, but the truth is that she had the opportunity to meet so many different people on 100hookup that she otherwise would have never met. Ultimately, it is the members of 100hookup and their individuality that gave she, and I, that exciting opportunity. So, if you look beyond the funny names, and get to know the people behind them, you may meet someone on 100hookup who you can truly be happy with.

Usually, I’m the upbeat fairytale believing, “Sex in the City hookup Ms. Bradshaw.”  BUT, I just read an article posted on Facebook^® that has the hair on my arm standing up and I am shivering (and not in a good way).  The news article highlighted an alleged rapist with known histories in both DC and NY…. The scary part is he approached me on the Upper West Side just a few months ago.  The same young, charming, seemingly intelligent man stopped me on the streets (72nd street to be exact) and engaged me in conversation.  He portrayed himself as a sophisticated international journalist who lived in both DC/NYC and traveled abroad often (think male version of Christiane Amanpour) and proceeded to ask for my contact information and asked if I would be interested in grabbing coffee.  Not to sound totally self-absorbed, but this happens on occasion, and it is flattering but usually of no interest or consequence.  I generally applaud men who make such overtures as it does take guts.  Nonetheless, I routinely respond “I have an (imaginary) boyfriend.”   However, because of this man’s international journalist experience I was intrigued and I gave him my “junk” email address.  In our two email exchanges I found him aggressive and defensive, and I ended all communication and never saw him again.  He put me on his international newsletter distribution list, which I was unable to unsubscribe from after 50 attempts.

I have no idea who he really is or whether he is innocent or guilty.  Fortunately, I only exchanged two emails.  But this obviously serves as a constant reminder that I wanted to share: be very careful and trust your gut.  As my mom would say, “there are crazies out there.”   Unfortunately, this also applies to online dating, not to the exclusion of 100hookup.  Although most of our parents would celebrate us bringing home that nice hookup boy/girl, this does not guarantee quality.  Be smart, be careful, but most of all have fun!

Dear Tamar,

I just joined 100hookup but I haven’t really had any responses yet.  I’ve read a few profiles of men that I am interested in getting to know a little more.  Is it alright to send them an e-mail? How should I approach the message in the e-mail?

Dear Approach Attempt,

It’s definitely okay to send a message — or any other form of communication for that matter. I know it’s probably difficult as a woman to feel like you’re the one hitting on a man, but with more than half a million people on 100hookup, you need to help yourself get noticed. I suggest using Click!® first and if it’s a match then utilize Hot List and finally, send a Flirt. If you still have not heard from the guy at this point, you can decide whether to throw in the towel or send a subtle e-mail letting the guy know why you’re interested in him and that you’d like to be in touch. After that, it’s out of your hands, but at least you’re putting yourself out there! Good luck!

Admittedly, I’m an old fashioned gal.  It took me a while to accept that in today’s age the majority of couples that get together meet ala the Internet.  What happened to kismet?  Can you imagine what our great-grandparents would think…you met your Beshert how?  On the computer?  What is that?  And how do you meet someone?… Fast Forward …not only do couples meet on the Internet but people text each other to set up those dates.  The sport of dating has turned into a practice of efficiency and multi-tasking.  Is the ever present accessibility beneficial or destructive?  And then of course there is even IMing.  I recognize I may be in the minority here but I prefer not to spend my free time in front of the computer and when I log on to 100hookup, I like it to be a quick venture.  Respond to some emails and log off. But inevitably some guys prefer to chat via IM. I prefer to be outside playing and meeting “you” in person… I’m guessing some people find it efficient and effective verses the back and forth of “old fashion emails.”

I know online dating works.  I have met so many people who have met their partners this way. And yes, even including my mom and her current sweetie.  Perhaps this old fashion gal has to give-in to technology, IMing and this modern age of dating.