Archive for February, 2010

Dear Gems from Jen,

Should I make an effort to try and find my other half while I am constantly busy with med school? There really isn’t going to be a time in my life when I am not busy because I’ve entered a challenging field but I do not want to end up alone. Are there guys who are willing to be patient or are they looking for someone to be there 24/7? I guess that’s why many of us are online dating; because we cannot go out and meet people. Sorry, I am in a quandry.

Dear Medical School,

I can certainly understand your quandary; however, your life ambition is quite commendable! My suggestion is to add to your profile where you are in life at this point in time and where you hope to be in a few years. Being honest about your commitments is important, but don’t become so committed that you let the chance for finding your other half pass you by. Just let the people you are interested in getting to know better know that school comes first, but it won’t last forever.

I have a really good friend who ended up marrying a girl who was also in the process of becoming a doctor.  The two of them lived in different states and were still able to fulfill their individual goals while setting aside time for one another. They got married the very weekend she graduated from medical school. The two of them were introduced at the ceremony as Mr. and Dr. I thought it was endearing and I was quite amazed at how they made it all work! They are still married and in love and were able to find one another during a time in their lives when they each had time-consuming goals each wanted to meet. They were able to do it all and they made it work, so you can, too!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,

I’m 23, and for the past two years I have been living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am only just beginning to date, and I’m not sure how to tell guys about my condition. It’s bound to come up in conversation because I am unable to work full time as a result of the CFS. I want to be able to tell a date about my CFS in a way that won’t scare him off or make him feel sorry for me, and I have no idea how to do this! What should I say?

Dear Illness,

I always say honesty is the best policy! I think you might be surprised by the number of people who are facing similar dilemmas. Just because you have an illness does not make you any less of a person. My suggestion would be to tell the people you are interested in getting to know better sooner rather than later. I know if I were on the other end and meeting someone who had a chronic condition I would want to know about it. Don’t allow this condition to detour you though. There are plenty of guys out there looking for a quality person. I wouldn’t spend my time worrying about what other people may or may not think or feel. Spend your time meeting people you are compatible with and enjoy this time.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Over the weekend, I was reminded that the success of a relationship – despite all the confusion that external forces may bring – is all about the basics.  Are you content and happy when you are with this person?  Is your life better with that person in it?  Would you be sad if that person was not around?  Is this a simplistic way of seeing things? Absolutely.  And perhaps, sometimes, there are circumstances that present more challenges, but for the most part Robert Fulghum’s All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten probably had it right about relationships as well.  The simplicity of it all.  What I do know is my Scotch Tape” (and “rocking chair” for another time) theory. In the beginning of a relationship, there is an excitement and pull (scotch tape) that attaches two people.  Once the lust factor has subsided some, perhaps there are disagreements and the newness and butterflies subside, there is the potential of the elevation factor of what I would call Elmer’s Glue. Is there a strong enough foundation built that allows continued growth and development? Now, if you actually rise to the next level Crazy Glue (Velcro) that is some good stuff. Your partner has likely seen you at your worst with no facades and the bond is so strong you don’t want to imagine life without that person. That Crazy Glue will hold you together during the hiccups and challenging times. From Scotch Tape to Crazy Glue what actually makes relationships stick? Perhaps, it might be just about the very basics because most other things can be worked out.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been seeing my older brother’s friend for about two weeks now. We hit it off at my birthday party and he got my number. He asked me out on a date a few days later and we went out that week. We had a great first date and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. We made plans for a second date, but the day arrived and he ended up canceling, saying his friend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to hang out. This was the first mixed signal.

He ended up contacting me two days later and we went out the following day. We went to the movies and he held my hand throughout and after we went back to his house. Everything went great again. We didn’t make plans for the next date, but I figured we would at some point. My brother’s girlfriend knows him really well so she said to throw him a bone, because he has never been in a serious relationship and needs some encouragement. Usually, I wouldn’t initiate contact with a guy, but I thought it would be okay in this case. So I asked him what he was doing on Saturday night. He said he was going out with a friend from work. I told him I was going to a party and we exchanged texts for a little while. Then I asked him “Will I see you this week?” and he replied after 20 minutes saying “We will see what my schedule is like.”

What does this all mean? I am leaving in about two weeks to do an internship in Vancouver and I will be gone for about four weeks. I am in my last semester in college and will be graduating in May, so I will only be home every few weeks until I finish school. He graduated a few years ago and is living and working in the neighboring town.
Is he afraid of getting too involved since I am leaving? Or is he just not that interested?

Thanks,

Lauren

Dear Mixed Signals.

After reading your question, I can really only come to one conclusion; actions always speak louder than words. With that said, remember this is brand new, nothing serious, you are leaving town for a bit, and my guess is you want something a bit more serious than he really sounds willing to commit to. My suggestion is to stop over-thinking this and do not put all of your eggs in one basket.  I understand the two of you hit it off and that is wonderful!  However, there are plenty of other guys to hit it off with as well. If you are not receiving the direct signals you appear to want, then find someone who is willing to be straightforward and commit to getting to know you. If you sense that he is not that interested don’t waste your time trying to get him interested. That tactic tends to backfire for most of us. College is usually a great time to explore all of your possibilities, so use this time to your advantage and get to know all types of people. If this guy calls and wants to go out again by all means go out with him, but keep in mind he is not the last guy on Earth, just someone you hit it off with for a few hours.

Signed,
Gems from Jen