by GemsFromJen 
under
JBloggers,
Relationships
Dear Gems from Jen,
After a long and wonderful eight-month relationship, my girlfriend and I have discovered that we want different things. I would love to move in with her and eventually marry her. She, was planning to have me and my kids move in with her and her children. Now she admits she does not want that, and never wants to be married again (we are both divorced). I love her and she says she loves me. Can we get through this? I suppose we could split, but I really don’t want to do that. We work so well in every other way. Am I just having trouble seeing the situation for what it is?
Dear M Word,
The first step is to really see the situation for what it is. You want marriage, she doesn’t. This could work if you are willing to let go of your wants and desires. Are you hoping by hanging in there she will eventually change her mind? If that’s the case then you might be waiting a very long time, and possibly forever.
I don’t want to sound down or dash your hopes and dreams, but most people who say they don’t want a long-term commitment usually mean what they say. This is not to say she will never change her mind, but do you want to wait for a day that might never arrive? My suggestion is to have a heartfelt discussion with her and really understand her position. If there is no glimmer of hope, what would make you stay? If you want to be married again this might not be the woman for you. I know how difficult it can be to walk away from something that seems to work so well. However, your desires are just as important as hers.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
by GemsFromJen under
JBloggers,
100hookup,
Online Dating
Dear Gems from Jen,
Here is my profile description — it’s not getting a flood of responses. Can you tell me why or what to do to improve it?
_______________
I am a hookup secular humanist who believes in a human-driven ethical code, rather than in any kind of deity. Still believe in peace and love and working for a more just and humane society. Empathy, humility and kindness are most important to me when considering a potential partner. I am drawn to the arts, particularly music and painting, and I love to read in my spare time, especially poetry and history. I seek a compatible partner — must be politically progressive (e.g., liberal democrat — I am a big fan of Bernie Sanders but you don’t have to be). Basically, I am looking for someone who is in some way an activist — someone who has compassion for the struggles of the poor and disenfranchised. Basically seeking an educated, humane, giving person who is a reader, a thinker, and someone with a compatible world view.
Dear Secular Humanist,
I really enjoyed reading your profile description. It sounds like you are passionate about your beliefs and look for the good in all. I think your profile does a great job of describing who you are. Perhaps you could add some specifics about what it is you can offer to a relationship. Your profile definitely states who you are and what you are passionate about, but it lacks what you can offer to a potential romantic partner. Specifically, what it is you can give one on one, not to the entire world. How do you stand out in terms of a partner from the next profile? Consider adding some of these specifics to your 100hookup profile and see what happens.
Have you emailed or Flirted with people on 100hookup that interest you? Spend a few minutes a day looking at profiles and reach out to those who spark your interest. Remember, everyone has their preferences and just because you are not getting a flood of responses does not mean that there is anything wrong with your profile.
Signed,
Gems from Jen
by SweetLo under
JBloggers,
Relationships,
Single Life
There’s that feeling. You know the one. The one where you meet a great guy, you start to like him, and then he tells you he’s moving to South Africa for several months. Oh you don’t? That’s because this type of phenomenon, known as The Great Disappearing Act, often flies under the radar, although it has been happening more and more often. . Apparently, guys are now so afraid of commitment (and to be fair, who the hell said it was going anywhere in the first place?) they are crossing oceans to avoid “the talk.” In addition to cross-country escapes, guys have also found the following excuses (according to my incredibly reliable sources) successful to parlay the one-on-one party into a more menage-a-trois friendly circumstance: serious illness, deportation, thinking with the wrong head, and a form of claustrophobia so rare, it only affects its victims when they’re forced into monogamy. Scientists are currently looking for a suitable vaccine for said situation, but are strangely preoccupied with the swine flu. Someone should seriously tell them to get their priorities straight.
by SWEETADVENTURE8 under
JBloggers,
Single Life
Ever wonder how some folks like my cousin, who is 27, and his parents, now in their 50’s, both managed to meet their life partner while in high school and still remain together? Then there is a famous author I went to high school with who met his wife in the eighth grade – sickening, right? For those unique individuals it is a blessing. However, for the rest of us still single in our 30s and 40s, is there a strategy we should be following? Or, is everything really just up to fate?
Some would argue it is a numbers game. I’ve heard the expression, ’If you throw enough spaghetti against the wall, some of it is bound to stick.’ But for a hopeless romantic, not only is this an exhausting concept, but also a very unromantic one. Sounds perfect in the scope of sales and business development but for a life partner? Then of course there is the “meet cute” Hollywood romance of getting Prince/Princess Charming’s dry cleaning instead of your own. Ridiculously romantic but not very likely.
My theory is a combination. Above all else you have to be ready and open to finding a relationship. For me, any long-term relationship wasn’t even a possibility until my thirties because I was living abroad and in grad school. I think the experience of the numbers game (i.e. dating) helps clarify what you need in a life partner and gets you out meeting people. But as a friend recently put it, after a point, sometimes too many options equate into no options. And I couldn’t agree more.
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