Archive for July, 2009

One of the best parts of my job as founder of hookup Wedding Network is finding out how couples meet. I never tire of hearing the stories! I know a lot of people meet on 100hookup, but I don’t think I really realized how many couples meet on 100hookup until I launched a hookup wedding planning website.

Mara and Adam are one such couple, but their online meeting was anything but ordinary. In 2003, Mara was just out of college and decided to dabble in JDating. She signed up for a subscription, but two months later let it lapse –and that’s when she received an important email from another 100hookupr. When she looked at the sender’s profile, she thought he looked familiar. The subject line of his message? “You look familiar.” As it turns out they went to the same college, at the same time, were amongst only a handful of hookup students, and had loads of friends in common, but had never actually met! Doesn’t fate work in mysterious ways?

Adam and Mara

Mara and Adam are an official 100hookup Success Story and are now planning their November 2009 wedding. You can follow Mara as she blogs about her wedding planning journey at hookupWeddingNetwork.com

On my way to work this morning, a group of four young rapper artists jumped on the C Train and started showing off their art, break dancing and the like, during commuter traffic…only in NYC! As I watched their talent, I was amazed at how uninhibited they were.  They didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Their goal was to dance, make some change and perhaps get noticed.

I walked off with a smile and thoughts regarding how inhibited we have become from our history of experiences. If we actually approached each new relationship with a little less caution, with no thoughts of red flags or how it may not work out, but in turn viewed it uninhibitedly what would be the result? Perhaps the course of love may be the same, but no doubt the dance would be a lot more fun.   

#49 Continuing with places to meet people this summer…rumor has it 100hookup is having a Club Getaway weekend – go uninhibited, play tennis, get a tan, and dance!

High atop the endangered species list is “the nice hookup boy,” and though urban legend speaks of its existence, I’m beginning to doubt the myth. Every time I venture into the wide world of dating, I attract the one boy lacking in the aforementioned qualities. Either he’s from Montana, Georgia, Virginia or even Canada or he hails from Hell. Without the accompaniment of a little six-pointed silver star. In the same manner that Weho has perfected the homo-gaydar, my Jewdar needs some work. The handy little device is helpful in differentiating marked male models from acceptable dating material and the lack there of with its ability to shout out which among the group of boisterous Hollyweird boys is among the chosen. Said handy dandy device is instrumental in targeting the relationship worthy among a sea of spiritually-spawned scenesters and their less inconspicuous counter parts. In the future, I hope to upgrade my male magnet from the meek male attraction to a highly specialized grade “A” targeting system in which one can count on the ability to leave a location after having met a boy in possession of the right religious requirement. Until said software is available – I’ll be hiding under a rock – hibernating through the taunting temptation bros from different area codes have to offer.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I recently went out with a 100hookupr. We spoke on the phone three to four times before the date. Because we felt we knew one another, it was a bit awkward when actually meeting. Do we shake hands or hug?
Anyway, during the date,  we were sitting on a couch in an Asian fusion bar/restaurant. We are talking and enjoying ourselves, when he reaches over and puts his hand on my knee. It didn’t stay there for long, but I felt it was inappropriate and really didn’t know what to say. It happened a couple of other times. How can I handle that without seeming witchy?
Den
 
Dear Den,
 
I know this can seem like a touchy subject, no pun intended.  I think this really does boil down to your comfort level and boundary setting. Meeting for the first time is really all about where you are willing to let things go.  Some women have no problem hugging when meeting a date for the first time, while others would prefer to begin with a handshake and let things progress at a slower pace.
 
I’m curious as to why you didn’t either ask him directly to move his hand or nonchalantly move it off of your knee. Setting boundaries from the get-go is a very important part of the dating process. I realize most of us women are taught not to be rude, and asking someone to not touch us when we are feeling uncomfortable can feel rude, but in reality it is anything but. It is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. If we do not set boundaries for our own personal space we can be left feeling taken advantage of. If a date thinks you are witchy for respecting yourself, then he is not worth your time. Any man who is sincerely interested in more than just a casual encounter will respect the boundaries that you set for yourself, no questions asked. 
 
Before any date, make sure you tell yourself what the boundaries are and stick to whatever you have set in place. Make a deal with yourself and do not let anyone put you in a position where you will have the potential to feel uncomfortable.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

• RT @BachelorhoodBB Making a guest appearance on 100hookup, passing along some ideas: https://bit.ly/15bVV1 #
• RT @HensonCompany: Matchmaking w/ PUPPET UP-UNCENSORED-July 18 a pre-show mixer presented by 100hookup at Avalon Hollywood: https://bit.ly/19sf6y #
• RT @djwaldow: Just learned that @garyvee is a member of the J-club. Cool. Met his wife on J-Date. #

Dear Gems from Jen,

I am male, 5’4″, 210 lbs, 55, own no car or real estate, haven’t worked since 1993, and haven’t had a date since 1999. What do you suggest that would improve my chances of landing a decent girlfriend? At this point I’m so hard up for some tender love that an indecent one would do, too. I have high morals (by force of circumstance), am well read, better than viewed or listened to, anyhow. I never gamble, smoke, or drink. I don’t know the meaning of life, and I don’t know what love is. I keep asking myself the same questions over and over, which is ‘what can I do for my country,’ instead of ‘what my country can do for me?’
 
Dear Dating Advice,
 
What can you offer to a potential girlfriend? The only thing you have told me so far is that you have high morals, are well read, you don’t partake in drinking/gambling/smoking, you don’t know what love is, you have no job, car, or real estate. You haven’t sold me on the idea that you are a good catch. Why would you want to date yourself? Ask yourself that question before you take any further steps. Next, focus on your positive traits.  Who are you? What makes you tick? What are your high morals? How are you well read?  What can you do for your country? What do you value? What can you offer emotionally? What can you offer in terms of a relationship? If you did know what love was, what would that look and feel like?  Stay away from the points that you believe are negative. Women want to meet men that are confident and know who they are.
 
What are you looking for in a girlfriend? What would you like a potential girlfriend to offer to you?  Be sure to include this in your profile.  Stay away from the superficial points and focus on personality and emotional traits. Be specific, but don’t box yourself into one particular type of person. Open yourself up to all of the possibilities that are out there.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

Every once in a blue moon, I descend my throne in order to grace a guy with the gift of my presence. This usually coincides with hell freezing over and /or when swine have jumped off the pandemic train and into the air. Now you may be asking yourself, why on earth does this occurrence take place so rarely? Ladies, I will enlighten you. Simply stated, I am currently adhering to a new loser-free policy. Now it can be quite tricky to spot these underachievers. For one thing, they often blind you with grandiose hopes and dreams that make the immediate present get lost in the future. He wants to be a rockstar but right now he’s selling tickets at the makeshift box office located in the sardine-style square in front of the Roxy. Does he have potential? Abso-darn-lutely he does! Do you have all day to wait around and watch him realize it? No! You cannot DVR your lives, ladies, and there is no time to pause. Fast forward through the nonsense and get to the good part; meaning a guy who has a job and plays in a band after-school special style.

I’m not going to lie – the first few days of my new loser-free lifestyle were the hardest. I’m pretty sure my breaking point was when I got the urge to ask out every scenester I saw swaggering down the Sunset strip. This, my dears, is why they invented cell phones and the buddy system! You remember it, the guideline that states thou shalt be glued to the girl next to you when venturing out into the wonderful wide world. Well, dial her number and take her hand because the very first step is admitting you have a problem, and someone needs to text you directions so you can Rand-McNally your way out the dating hole you’ve dug for yourself. And before you get too comfortable with your six-foot-under resting place, you’re back to dating in the land of the living, sans the sorry souls you keep falling in there for. He may have been your favorite mistake, but just remember – even if it makes you happy – it can be that bad. So, friends do not let friends fall for losers, and remember to spot the signs of the ones that are not worthy of your time. Time is on your side, so long as you don’t let him waste it.

Dear Gems from Jen,
I met a great guy on 100hookup®…I enjoyed our meeting, such an interesting bright guy … Cute smile… Pleasant to be around… The problem is: He was dumped by his, “beautiful, tall, Victoria’s Secret model”,(as he describes her) wife, just a few month ago after 25 years of marriage. She went back with someone she was in love with when she was 18…(She is 50 now).
Communication is very important to me. I am glad he is so open about his thoughts and feelings. However, every conversation revolves around his ex-wife.
When we met I asked him if he had moved- on and was ready to meet and start a new relationship, he said : “Yes!” I feel he is still consumed with pain, and hasn’t moved on.
He is not letting me into his life, but yet, he keeps calling me, and I am very happy about that. I am not sure what I should do… or how to deal with his “loss”…Is there anything I should, or could say…? If yes, how and what? Should I just be a friend and “be there for him”…Or should I move on..?
D.
 
Dear D.,
 
I’m glad to hear communication is very important to you. My question to you is; what does his communication tell you? He might have said he is ready to move on, but after reading your statements I am left to wonder. Do you believe he has moved on? Twenty-five years of marriage is a very long time to be married and moving on is difficult, especially if he was not the one to end the marriage. Moving on is going to be a very long and intense process for this guy. If every conversation revolves around his ex-wife what is he really saying to you? Do you want to earnestly be friends with this guy, or are you just biding your time waiting for him to recover from his lost marriage?
 
If you have just recently met then my suggestion would be to move on. It seems quite obvious to me he is not ready to delve into something meaningful with anyone. If you are sticking this out because you genuinely care for this person and sincerely just want to be a friend then go for it. But, if his phone calls are making you happy because you believe there is a glimmer of hope for a true romance then it is time to cut your losses and find someone who is not pining away for another woman.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

My friend Polina and I go way back–all the way back to the 10th grade. When you’ve known someone this long, you’ve really experienced life’s ups and downs together. And in our case, we’ve been there for one another through the ups and downs of dating.

Polina and Sara at their 15 Year High School Reunion

Last year, Polina called to tell me the great news – that her little sister was engaged. At the time Polina was single. I had a funny premonition and told Polina that I bet she’d be engaged by the time her sister’s wedding rolled around. She laughed at the mere thought of it.

Just a few months ago, I had the satisfaction of saying “I told you so.”

Soon after our conversation, Polina met Jake on 100hookup. From the moment she mentioned him to me, I had a really good feeling. They are both Russian and come from the same cultural background, and neither one of them had seriously dated other Russians. Also, she loves outdoor activities. He loves outdoor activities too.  Um…did I mention I had a good feeling?

Jake and Polina

Fast forward eight months later and Polina and Jake are engaged. Their wedding is planned for September 2009 – three weeks after Polina’s sister’s wedding. Of course, her parents couldn’t be more thrilled with having a b’nai mitzvah – two daughter’s getting married within a month! As I predicted – Polina will be bringing her fiancé to her sister’s wedding.

Follow Polina’s story on hookup Wedding Network as she plans her September wedding to Jake.