Archive for July, 2009

When living in Los Scandalous, one expects to receive invitations to fabulous events on a regular and somewhat tiring basis: Club openings, restaurant debuts, ex-boyfriend’s house warming with his new love? Sure, we’ll go with it. Recently, I found myself in such a predicament. So, for your convenience, here are some guidelines to polite protocol for just such a situation. Starting with the most basic, be nice to the new Mrs. Ex. I know you’re secretly hoping she accidentally chokes on some of the crudités she made for the occasion, but the polite thing to do, (should your wishes come true) would be to administer the Heimlich. I know strenuous activity wasn’t on your agenda, but you can’t get enough cardio, right? Furthermore, invisibility, contrary to popular belief, is not a super power of the new girlfriend – so acknowledge her! Compliment her on her new interior decorating career! Tell her it does look like Martha Stewart exploded in her home! Simply put, killing her with kindness is a less messy murder strategy (and blood doesn’t go with your outfit!).

Finally, after following the aforementioned Ex-etiquette, the final suggestion I have is to ignore her twiglet status and eat in front of the Ex and the new GF. Sure, she may be so thin that she disappears when turning sideways – but don’t let that optical illusion deter you from the dip! Guys love a girl that eats – so you’re being completely irritating to her with your calorie consumption – as well as reminding the Ex why it was super fun to date the former fling! Also, think of this as a nouveau networking opportunity! Hot guys travel in packs – so see what other options you have at the scandalous soiree! And with this So Cal heat wave, 31 Flavors has never sounded so good.

Dear Gems from Jen,
 
Help! I’m a 43-year-old fantastic, single mom and have been on 100hookup for five years and I only get hit on by 26-year-olds and 60-year-olds!  What is wrong with my profile??? Everyone I know is beginning to think I’m gay!!! LOL, but really!  What is the problem???
Jill
 
 
Dear Jill,
 
It sounds like your profile might be too general. If you are interested in meeting men that are of a particular age group then by all means state that in your profile. I know it can feel discouraging being hit on by men that you have no interest in meeting, no less dating, so go ahead and make sure you  are very specific with your age preferences. I would also consider sending messages to the men that you are interested in meeting instead of waiting for them to come to you.  This way, you know the age range you are targeting and you are not discouraged by getting attention from men that you believe are too young or too old.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

I’m from Southern killer California, so very few things still excite me – and the hookup coming-of-age ritual pretty much YMCA’d me out back in seventh grade. So bar & the fairer bat mitzvahs definitely don’t make my weekend top-50 list pretty much ever – until now. Thanks to the hookup Federation of Los Angeles & 100hookup, we can take our DeLoreans for a spin (now that we actually have our licenses) and kick it old school in the spandex, latex and ever-chic tuxedo shirt for a bar mitzvah night you wish you could have enjoyed back in the day (now that you can actually use and abuse the open bar). I’ve rounded up my Heathers and my make shift brat pack will be making an appearance at the uber sweet simchah. On August 8th, we’re bringing thirteen back. Even Molly Ringwald’s escapades will pale in comparison. So get ready to “b/b m” the night away and bring even the slightly more elusive blasts from our pasts into the new millennium – Los Scandalous style. Every second, every moment, we’re gonna- gonna make it last.

According to Chinese philosophy, the concept of yin yang depicts the strong attraction and complementary nature of opposites within a greater whole.  Having lived in Asia for two years, I am enamored by Eastern philosophy and culture.  Although intriguing, the practicality and success of me dating a hookup Costa Rican photographer who likes roughing it, sleeping in beach tents, and has a flies- by-the-seat-of-his-pants lifestyle is unlikely.  I adhere to my philosophy that although opposites may be exciting, similar people with similar goals and lifestyles stay together.  Whether it be couples who enjoy exercise and savoring the outdoors verses homebodies; Four Seasons verses roughing it; and the like.  Perhaps there is a middle ground too.  Having a similar lifestyles and interests, but different temperament styles may help achieve the needed yin-yang balance in a relationship and can be helpful in identifying the perfect compatible partner. #47 New York Philharmonic in Central Park under the Stars.  Okay, NYC specific this week though I’m sure similiar events exist throughout the nation – get some culture while under the stars in Central Park listening to the NYC Philharmonic with thousands of other young professionals presents a “meet-cute” opportunity to light a spark especially when followed by fireworks. See you there.

Dear Gems from Jen,
 
I could use some advice on how to initiate conversation with a guy online or how to answer a guy who contacts me with a Flirt.
 
I always think that guys send a whole bunch of emails out at a time to many women because they almost never follow through when I respond to their Flirts.  What’s this all about anyway?  I’m getting too old to play these games….
 
M
 
Dear M,
 
To initiate a conversation or respond to a Flirt, send a short note stating what caught your eye and some of the qualities you possess.  Let the person know you are interested in finding out more and that you look forward to their response. Make it brief, but positive. Give it a little bit of time and if the person does not respond go to the next profile that seems interesting.
 
I realize how frustrating not getting a response can be. I believe it is common courtesy to respond, even with a ‘no thank you, I’m not interested,’ rather than ignoring someone. However, not everyone understands that this behavior can be considered rude or some may have not learned about Internet etiquette.
 
Instead of only responding to Flirts send your own to men that you are sincerely interested in getting to know. Put the ball in your court and take your dating life into your own hands. This way, if a man does not respond, you will know right from the beginning that he is not worth your time. Don’t send anything else and move onto the next profile. Remember, this is about meeting someone who is a quality person and good manners are an important quality. Without good manners you can almost always be certain that the person is really not worth your time.  You sound like a straight shooter so don’t use your energy trying to understand this type of behavior.  Use your time and energy to meet quality, courtesy minded people, like yourself.
 
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

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Dear Gems from Jen,
 
I met a guy online and we were taking it slowly. We started to chat online then talk via phone….
 
Unfortunately, I got a bit nervous about the whole “Internet dating thing” and I scared him away. We were at the stage where we were considering to meet etc…but my email sounded very reluctant.
 
This guy comes across as very decent and it has been a long time since I have had a great chat with someone. I really wish I can take back my message, maybe things would be different now.
 
Can I fix this or should I just walk away?
 
Look forward to your thoughts.
 
Thanks
 
Dear Can We Fix This,
 
If you really want to fix this, then it can be fixed. At least to the point where you can let this guy know what happened and ask for another shot at a first meeting. Write him back, or better yet call him.  Share your reluctance with him and let him know how you are truly feeling. I understand the whole meeting on the Internet thing can be scary. Make sure you let someone close to you know when and where you are going.  Make him aware that you are experiencing regret based on your email and would like a chance to meet. Having a great conversation with someone does not come along every day, so do yourself a favor and let this guy know how much you have enjoyed speaking with him.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
 
If for some reason he is no longer interested in meeting, chalk this up to a lesson learned. Don’t repeat the same mistake with the next person you converse with online and continue your search.  Be sure to remember this lesson and don’t let the guys that you feel a connection with get away.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

Allow me to introduce you to a dating trend gaining more popularity than Michael Jackson’s parents’ house: friends with benefits. Mostly the arrangement is implemented when you find yourself in pre-nuptial purgatory, and the little label-less lover is a seemingly low-maintenance godsend. Suddenly, you’ve found yourself in the perfect relationship, and the only thing better than a boyfriend is the ease of speed-dial sex, guaranteed delivery within thirty minutes or less – and even Dominos has yet to perfect that deal amidst L.A. traffic. Plus, instead of carbs you’re opting for cardio, and saving money by not driving to the gym (your wallet will thank you later). Between the fabulousness of your new, easy affair, and freedom to find another lover with a later expiration date, women are learning the joy of this coital contract. If you read the fine print however, you’ll notice the tiny matter of heart v. head. You’re familiar with the case, you studied it back in high school (and a couple more times in college – but who’s counting). The little matter was crucial in implementing the new policy in which guys and gals establish guidelines to prevent the little nuisance known as love. Love is a complicated, high maintenance mess of a virtue that only serves to stress its victims into an early retirement from the dating game. Thus, the FWB arrangement was spawned to serve as your sexual savior. If only your iPhone had an app for that – we’d be completely self sufficient! So interview your available candidates, take ‘em for a test ride, and exercise the joy of the newfound fling freedom! Just be careful to uphold the lines in your little verbal agreement, lest you let love complicate your lives. Besides, it’s just until you find something better, right? Unless he finds it first.

It doesn’t happen often…but when it does it is a euphoria like no other. Everyone has their own private “happy dance”…when the stars feel aligned and the current romantic interest is new and hopeful.  My friend shared that for him it’s the hugging of a pillow with sweet thoughts of that special person.  Well for me, it is more of a Flashdance-themed “Maniac” dance sequence usually taking place in the shower.  I can count on my hands the number of times it has happened…very seldom.  I know crazy… but isn’t that the best part the uncontrollable euphoria? What is your dance?

Continuing with places to meet people this summer #48 Club Med – checking all your stress and worries at the curb allows people to let go and really enjoy life.  I met one of the most special people there who is still one of my closest friends ‘til this day.

Dear Gems from Jen,

I am a 44-year-old single woman who would love to understand men better. Are any of the men on 100hookup interested in finding a soul mate? The ones that are, are a little too needy and the ones that are interesting are too distant! Any recommendations?

Thank you,

Stacy
 
Dear Stacy,
 
Of course there are men on 100hookup who are interested in finding a soul mate! Many marriages have occurred thanks to 100hookup and the service it provides to us singles. I can understand your frustration, but finding someone takes effort and for most of us we are not going to click with everyone we meet every time.
 
My recommendations would be to keep your profile up to date and be sure to state your wants and needs. Your story is not that unique. A good number of women find the men who are distant more attractive than the ones who appear needy. Look past the image and really focus on what it is you want in a soul mate. Needy may just be emotionally available, where as distant may be emotionally unavailable.  For some, having someone willing and ready to commit is a scary proposition. Be sure to look long and hard at what it is you are really, truly searching for in a potential mate. When someone is offering themselves to another it can make the recipient feel vulnerable without even realizing that is what is happening. Even though our wants and needs are being fulfilled, some still tend to run from this largely because of fear. Keep up the 100hookup search and if you are willing to let all of the possibilities play out, I have no doubt you will find who you are looking for.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen