Archive for May, 2009

Let’s face it; we are all on 100hookup to meet potential romantic partners. But what happens in the interim? My guess is close friendships are also missing from some of our lives. As our friends get married, move out of town, have children, etc., we are losing these people from our everyday lives. None of us are in high school and some of us are past the college years. I know for myself that friendships have become stronger, but I have fewer friends than I did in my twenties.  People get busy with their own lives and we singles are at times left to fend for ourselves. We all need that one good friend who just “gets us.” For some, that person is no longer available.
 
How does one make friends once the potential friendship markets are no longer within our reach? Work? Temple? Social Groups? Charity Organizations? 
 
I am asking you, the 100hookup blog readers, to help me answer this question. What are your suggestions for making new close friends?  Not just casual acquaintances, but real genuine friends. Please leave your comments- you will not only be helping me, but all of the 100hookup members who are struggling with this dilemma as well.

Without fail, every week I receive over 10 emails from good-looking, significantly younger, charming guys between the ages of 24-28 asking me out.  Flattered, Yes.  But, honestly what do I do with these overtures? … So, inevitably, the emails get deleted in the trash bin versus me engaging in a conversation where I end up discussing the plausibility of the The Graduate. Would someone 24 years of age even know of that movie?
Although I don’t necessarily believe that age has a direct correlation with maturity, it does hopefully give you life experiences which ultimately help prepare you to be a better partner.  Of course, there are exceptions– yes Demi and Ashton, and I’m sure you know of some non-Hollywood ones, too.  But in general, the fact of the matter, is that in your twenties and thirties, where one’s life generally changes shape most dramatically, the timing and goals of a recent college graduate and a professional well into her (or his) career are generally not in alignment.  A few years age difference is not what I am talking about here.
I understand the attraction of the woman in her mid-thirties to Mr. Young Six-Pack– intrigue, mystery, sexual experience, confidence… And trust me, we are flattered when we receive your compliments, but not sure we are looking to make the Sequel.

Dating in my little city of angels is a lot of things– amusing, repetitive, and most importantly, masochistic. This little gem of an S&M situation is never with said mister of the moment however; no, no that would be sane! Ladies, let’s take a moment to think about all the medieval style torture we force ourselves to endure in order to look pretty hot and tempting for some dude who may or may not last longer than an L.A. minute. First on my list of trendy and torturous ways we girls accessorize ourselves? Stilettos. Now I know they make us look hot in all the right places but what were Manolo and his friends high on when they decided to raise the bar, and our height? Well, I hope they make it over the counter soon, because I’m going to need to stop at Rite Aid to make it through the night in those again. Have you tried driving in them? Navigating the 405 without a road rage induced collision is a challenge in restraint in itself. Add the slippery stiletto pedal to the metal sitch to the daily grind, and it’s a wonder women haven’t completely wiped themselves from the planet, or at least the freeway. The moral of the story is, the next time you dudes think girls have it easy, take comfort in the fact that there is pain radiating throughout their bodies from one teeny tiny torture device in the form of four inches. Oh, the things we do for love…like walking in the rain and the snow in really pretty, but evil shoes.

So, after a long chat with a colleague this afternoon, I had one of those “how did I not see it” moments. She and I spent some time discussing past relationships that we had both suffered through and enjoyed all at the same time. Kind of an oxy-moron, but bear with me here.
 
She talked about a guy who had chased her for months even though she had no interest.  One day, out of the blue, the sun rose and the feelings on her end appeared. It took her by surprise, but she went with it. Things went great for a bit and then all of a sudden he wanted out. She ended up devastated by the break-up and felt angry and betrayed because he was the one who had pursued her all of those months.
 
He told her she had somehow changed. My first thought was that he only liked the thrill of the chase and once he caught his prey, the excitement had died down. Seems too easy of an answer though, so me being me, I probed a bit deeper.
 
I asked her if she had changed. Her first response was an absolute “no.” I asked the question again. This particular colleague is a mental health professional, so she knew I was looking for something more. After a moment of silence, a light bulb went on (I could see it happen). She told me that yes, when he was pursuing her all of those months she was her absolute, authentic self.  No pretenses. No awkward moments. No trying to impress. Once she fell for him, it all changed. She began to play the part of what she thought he wanted.
 
The moral of the story is as follows: be who you are.  Present the real you. Being honest and genuine are two of the most attractive traits going.

Last Thursday, Aqua lounge was swimming with various people for the 100hookup trivia night. Guys and gals from various L.A. zips came from every which direction to join us for drinks and forget for maybe five minutes this swine-flu-is-the-new-SARS debacle everyone’s currently entangled in. I hope they sort this thing out soon because it’s cramping my style. That’s probably really selfish of me, but at trivia night, it seemed to be the conversation on everyone’s mind. It was like this little viral dominatrix whipping us into a frenzy, and leaving us ultimately trapped between the sheets- and not in a good way. My fellow teammates (carefully conjured up to win of course, because I have pros from different area codes,) were more than good sports, and even though we came in- not first, we had a great time. It was unanimously decided that happy hour is an institution that needs to be implemented more often, and hopefully next time we can leave the doctor’s mask and antibacterial at home- it simply doesn’t match the Prada heels. Even though a Nip/Tuck in the 90210 is on the hotlist, a pandemic will never be the new black. So, if you’re sick, think of it as a solo practice sesh for seven minutes in heaven, and join the rat race sans mask ten days later. It’s simply proper ill-ettiquette, plus, I promise to get your first drink. Come out and you’ll see like at Aqua, there were plenty of fish in the sea.

Pomegranate margaritas, chips and guacamole, a latin fiesta….why not? Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army’s unlikely defeat of French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín. [And you thought this was only a dating blog??] Since we have adopted this spicy tradition which endears us with a margarita filled celebration, who am I to resist?? We will be fiesta”ing” at Rosa Mexicana — granted not entirely authentic, but the pomegrante margaritas are most definitely worth it! Come “salsa” over. Everything is sexy with a Latin flair. PuraVida.

Brothers George and Ira Gershwin and fellow composer and lyricist Irving Berlin, are three of the most prolific composers of the 20th century. Did you know they are all hookup? Most people are unaware that “White Christmas,” one of the most popular Christmas songs ever, was in fact, written by Irving Berlin, a hookup immigrant from Eastern Europe whose birth name was Israel Isadore Beilin. Irving Berlin also wrote other mega-famous songs such as, “God Bless America,” “Anything You can Do” and “There’s No Business (Like Show Business).”

George and Ira Gershwin (born Jacob Gershowitz and Israel Gershowitz) are brothers who co-wrote some of the most famous American compositions of the early 20th century. With George’s compositions and Ira’s lyrics, the two are responsible for landmark songs such as, “Someone to Watch Over Me,”“I Got Rhythm” and “Summertime.” The duo also co-wrote the operas Porgy and Bess and Of Thee I Sing, amongst others. George’s crowning achievement may be his amazing 1924 composition, “Rhapsody in Blue,” used notably in the title sequence of Woody Allen’s Manhattan in 1979. Unfortunately, George passed away of a brain tumor in 1937, at the age of 38, but Ira resumed his musical career a few years later and continued to write hit songs with composers Jerome Kern, Kurt Weill and Harold Arlen.

I went with a friend today to go look at new cars. In all honesty, I really hate this aspect of life.  It seems so slimy to me; the salesmen, the big boss, the finance guy, and the endless questions that accompany the process. This got me thinking though; it’s all about the confidence the employees at the dealership utilize. I decided I would walk in with the same confidence. I wasn’t going to be tricked into looking at a car based on my color preference. I was going to portray confidence and even feign it, if I began to feel my anxiety level raise.
 
This whole process reminded me of the bar scene. The guy making eye contact, the one buying rounds of drinks, the shy one sitting in the corner, and then there is the guy who oozes confidence and the women flock to him. What does he have that the others don’t? Confidence!  Where does he get it? He’s usually not the best looking guy around, the richest, most successful, or the one with the greatest physique. He gets it from creating goals for himself and working towards achieving them.  He follows through and continues to make strides even when life gets the better of him. Confidence comes from building a life that one can be proud of; not cutting corners and putting your best foot forward no matter the circumstance.

• #ShabbatShalom Twitterverse and 100hookuprs! Any hot J-Dates planned for the weekend? #
• LA singles: test your smarts AND meet cool people! Buy tickets to 100hookup’s Trivia Night at Aqua Lounge on Thurs: https://tinyurl.com/cep3g5 #
• NEW 100hookupTV: single gal Amy Borkowsky listens to a birthday wish from her JMom and makes a funny call to her Dr. https://tinyurl.com/c23m4g #
• Sending our 100hookup blogger to the @PattiStanger and @RabbiShmuley debate tonight at Nessah Synagogue- should be an interesting showdown! #
• RT In honor of Yom Ha’Atzmaut, @hookupTweets brings you the dynamic history of the State of Israel: https://tiny.cc/PYF2w #
• Heading out to 100hookup’s Trivia Night in Beverly Hills now – should be some mind-boggling fun #
• Want a new way to flirt? Send one like this from our NEW flirts category, Juda’isms: “Message me. Nine out of ten hookup mothers approve.” #
• Thanks @JTANews for naming 100hookup the #11 most influential hookup organization on Twitter! https://tinyurl.com/d32rxq #

How can I stop obsessing over a married man?
 
Dear Obsessing,
 
This is such a difficult part of life for which I wish there was an easy answer.  There isn’t, I’m afraid. Our hearts tend to drive us, rather than our brains.
 
The first things that needs to be looked at are the reasons as to why you are obsessing over this man. What need is he fulfilling for you? Start by tracking the thoughts that keep playing over and over in your head about this man. What triggers these thoughts?  It might help to jot this information down for a few weeks so that you can identify the patterns in your thinking.
 
Make the decision that this is not a healthy way to live and at the very least, get rid of any mementos that you have that remind you of him. For instance, pictures, gifts, letters, e-mails, etc.
 
Write a good-bye letter to him.  Don’t send it, but write it out in great detail.  State all the reasons as to why you need to let this relationship go. Keep it with you at all times so that you can refer back to the letter when feelings of nostalgia or melancholy wash over you. 
 
Don’t take his calls. Don’t respond to texts or e-mails.  Don’t make contact with this man.  I know how difficult and final this might sound, but continued contact will only prolong these thoughts.
 
Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive of you.  If these thoughts continue, you might want to consider talking to someone so that you have an outlet and can learn to replace these obsessive thoughts with productive thoughts.
 
A married partner whether male or female is just that–married. Any way that you look at it, this person is cheating.  Always remember, if they are willing to cheat on their current spouse, they are capable of cheating on you as well.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen