Archive for March, 2009

A month after moving to NYC, I found myself watching the old romantic classic comedy You’ve Got Mail. The opening shot shows the adorable Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks unknowingly (literally) crossing paths at Verdi Park on 72nd/Broadway. The scene cuts to that evening, at which time, Meg and Tom are emailing each other, ironically pontificating that they live worlds apart (“on the island of Manhattan that is”).

In a densely populated city with millions, you would think crossing paths is an anomaly, but in actuality, it is the rule rather than the exception. Today, with the internet, Facebook and 100hookup, the world is smaller than we ever imagined. Whether it is Six Degrees of Bacon (or Gefilte Fish), I have heard plenty of stories of couples meeting (whether on 100hookup or elsewhere), where either their paths had crossed prior (and they should have met) or they had many people in common, but their connection never came to be until that “meet cute” moment.  At times, our blinders and routines may keeps us from being truly open to outside stimulus.  As my dear friend Amy recently told me, “just pause and take it all in, who knows what or who may enter your individual world.”

Taking Amy’s advice, from the background of a photo posted on 100hookup I detected a gentleman who worked in my office building. We spoke and I also learned that we go to the same gym and live in the same neighborhood. I’m guessing we have crossed paths many times…whether a romantic connection develops will be left to Cupid, but at a minimim, I have a new work friend and a happy reminder that life is dynamic and ever changing.

The Watchmen just came out. I read it, and it was truly amazing. I didn’t give comics nearly enough credit, and before you think I was hired by DC to promote the extremely graphic little novel, just understand that the guy, the antihero, my superhero – well he’s right. We’ve entered into an age where superheroes and villains are essentially the same thing, and how do you decipher the good from the bad?

My former fling, once superhero, now villain, is stalking the world wide web, driving me slowly, six feet under. His superpower? His incredible ability? He got me, he made me laugh, and all that other lame stuff that usually had me bolting for the door at zero to sixty in 3.5. It  just seemed to work with us, and of course, there was comfort in consistency. And now it seems his evil villain of a girlfriend is so insanely gorgeous it’s like staring at the sun and being blinded. You know you shouldn’t look, but the tiny evil villain inside us all possesses your soul, and you type his name to see her, size up your competition, (you clearly have no choice, you’re merely doing research) and suddenly cyber-stalking is not only a necessity, it’s a professional sport, leaving no time to avert your eyes.

There she is, lighting up the screen like a faulty nightlight, able to shine all over the damn place in your darkest hour. Their happiness should be quarantined before America catches on to the trendy post-valentine epidemic and we’re all destined to live in the midst of a Lifetime movie. And you have to wonder how he just erased you completely – even though that’s what you undoubtedly tried to do to him. Does that make you the evil one? No, it makes you the sane one.

You’ve both entered into a post break-up marathon and it’s a race to the finish line, to see who can pick up the pieces and regain strength before the other. So the conditioning begins, and the methodology is different for every participant, you either erase them, you forget about them completely, or you continue the conditioning. You go to his page, you acclimate yourself to his new brand of heroine, and you do this until it doesn’t hurt. Until you don’t have to avert your eyes. Until your heart doesn’t stop when his page shows up on screen. And if you’re like most? Like the majority of this oh-so peachy-keen all-American nation? You find a new addiction before the one you’re currently hooked on does you in. And what do you do when you’ve gone through them all? Hopefully I figure that out soon, because time’s running out and The Watchmen are right, “American love, like coke in green glass bottles, they don’t make it anymore.”

Hi,

Just a question about something that I couldn’t figure out. I had been emailing back and forth with someone on 100hookup for 2 days when I finally received an email asking to meet for a drink. I responded the same day with a “Sounds like a great idea. Let me know where and when you would like to meet up.” I did not receive a response. I know he got the email because it shows as “read” on the status thing so what is this all about? Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Dear Erica,

There could be numerous reasons as to why this guy hasn’t responded. I wish I had the power to read someone else’s mind, unfortunately I don’t. This seems to happen to more than just you in the world of online dating, even on 100hookup, unfortunately. Life can get busy and sometimes it gets the better of us. He might have gotten caught up with work, family, friends, etc. He also might have gotten cold feet. Whatever the reason, give it a couple of days and if you don’t hear from him, move on. Remember this is about him, not you. Think about this – do you want to meet and possibly date someone who isn’t ready to commit to a drink? I know I sure wouldn’t. 

Signed,

Gems From Jen

In an age when there are endless profiles that match our on-paper list of requirements, how can we really know when someone is really right for us? I have ran into several guys on 100hookup that are just looking to have a good time and are using 100hookup as a vehicle to get some action. Let’s face it, hookup people have some of the lowest STD percentages out there, so if you are just looking for action, it is not a bad group to target. However, I am seeking a husband or long-term partner and do not care to engage in any hook-up scandals. Are there signs to look for in peoples’ profiles to avoid the male 100hookup player?

Dear What Are The Signs,

I can’t count the number of times I have been taken in by someone only to find out down the road that looking good on paper doesn’t always translate into the same thing in the “real” world. These realizations made me feel like I had been smitten by one of the Ten Plagues. A bit dramatic, I know, however I’m sure you catch my drift.

Profiles can be tricky, and to weed these “players” out there are a few things to look for. Firstly, does the profile seem too generic? For example, short answers, non-specific qualities that the person is searching for, and a concern more with looks in a potential date, rather than traits that complement theirs. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that physical attraction is what hooks us initially, but looks are fleeting and someone who is serious about a real relationship will certainly be more concerned with qualities that go much further than skin deep.

Another sign to keep in mind is, how do they present themselves in their profile? Is it well thought out?  Did they take the time to explain what it is they are searching for? Did they mention long-term relationships and/or marriage in their profile? If these components are missing you might be dealing with a so-called “player.”

Lastly, trust your instincts. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all have the power to say, “no thank you” and move on. You never know – you might be moving on to the real thing!

Signed,

Gems From Jen

My city is haunted. Everywhere I turn it seems I come face to face with endless reminders of some guy I used to date who has since disappeared into thin air, yet still manages to haunt my existence, proving essentially that most guys are there only to drive us to the brink of insanity. I recently went on a night out with my go-to girls to discuss sex in our city over mid-afternoon martinis, when no sooner had one of my Mademoiselles opened the menu, than she burst into tears.

We were just about to toast to our fabulous single-ness, the scandals we would inevitably endure, and the adventures we’d embark on, when disaster struck in the form of a sobbing mascara-running monster. The girls and I had barely even taken a sip of our now much needed cocktail before we could react to the tears now streaming down her face at the rate of Niagara Falls. The reason? (If your gag-reflex has a low tolerance, I suggest you skip this portion of my not-so-happily-ever-after tale.) She opened the menu and saw the appetizer she and her beau-no-more had ordered on their first date. Now, taking careful concentration to resist the urge to reach across the table and slap her back to reality, the girls and I instead chose to coax her into turning her cocktail into a much more scandalous, more girls’-night-worthy mock-tale.

The most upsetting thing about our wayward girls’ night gone wrong? She managed to get so upset over a guy she dated for a little over three months. Three months! Now, I can get down with the idea of lust at first sight, but seeing this once strong, gorgeous girl fall apart at some half-priced happy hour delicacy was utterly nauseating, enough to qualify as bulimic motivation to all those size-two sweethearts that need the occasional extra encouragement to lose their lunch over something so absurdly disconcerting.

If my city of angels truly is haunted, and victim to a demonic possession of past affairs that refuse to be exercised and instead, find amusement in the somewhat insanity-inducing playful poltergeists that live after death in order to remind you of how happy you once were…well it seems all girls are destined to live a Linda Blair life. I guess what it comes down to is, are you willing to live in Amityville territory? All hauntings are said to occur because something horrific took place there, and L.A. being, let’s face it, less than hallowed ground – I guess it’s just a simple matter of if you are willing to share your affair with ghosts of relationships past? Or are threesomes just a bit too scandalous for your taste? Because girls, how are we supposed to pursue our happily ever after when our once upon a time is out to get us? Clearly Los Scandalous needs an exorcism, an eraser, and some much stronger beverages.

“Serendipity” is one of my favorite words. I just love how it sounds. After college, I truly believed I would serendipitously meet my better half at the gym, gas station, grocery store, work, or better yet, he would just knock on my door. Obviously, not the case as of yet.

Although a hopeless romantic, (with a collection of entertaining “How I met Mr. Serendipity” stories) as a busy professional, I have put that “meet cute” belief aside as I have surrendered to the notion that the story may not be that spectacular or even organic (i.e 100hookup). More importantly, I have come to terms that it’s not how or where you meet – but what you do with the relationship after the connection. With a more open-minded attitude, I’m looking forward to the spring, doing new activities on my own and with new friends. Who knows, it may even lend itself to that evasive serendipitous encounter.

Last week I met an old friend for bagels and coffee. She was divorced a few years ago and it was a very difficult time for not just her, but her family as well. Nonchalantly, between bites of my onion bagel with schmear, I asked her when she planned on dating again. Her expression told me the entire story. I was almost certain she was about to strangle me right there on the spot! She told me she was in no way ready to jump back into the dating pool. I then asked the question that almost assured my immediate demise. “When will you be ready?”

This conversation got me thinking about the term “ready.” What does being ready really mean? If we all waited until we were “ready” would we be on 100hookup? Are any of us really ready? What exactly are we getting ready for? Then the answer came to me. No one is ever ready, that’s life. So simple, yet it appears to be such a difficult concept. I called my girlfriend a few hours later and explained my epiphany to her. Needless to say she is now a 100hookup member. Is she ready? Am I ready? Are you ready? Life is about risks and all of us need to be proud of the fact that we have taken our dating into our own hands. It may not always end up the way we want, but you never know until you try.

Hello, this is your 100hookup Webmaster!  I’ll jump in periodically with cool new updates  and features to the site that you should check out while on the search for romance.

JDating is our brand new reality Webisode series providing an intimate and hysterical look at eight 100hookuprs on their journeys to find their soul mates.  Best described as a When Harry Met Sally meets Sex and the City-inspired narrative, JDating has been delivered in weekly installments.  Today marks the conclusion of the first season, with the release of the Week 6 Webisodes.  Watch below:

Take a look at Week 6 on our 100hookupTV page.

Los Angeles seems impossibly small when it comes to dating, let alone dating in the hookup community.  My New Year’s resolution in, what month is it already, March?  My how time flies!   It seems that my environmentally-friendly philosophies have carried over into my dating life and recycle, reduce, reuse are more than a way of life, they unintentionally became my dating mantra, as well as several of my girlfriends’.  Guess we took preserving our resources a bit too far, eh girls?  So, back to my resolution. In the third month of the year I am starting fresh.  Things for me usually happen in threes, third time not necessarily a charm, and so in an effort to initiate a dating renaissance, I have erased all evidence of the former flames.

I am currently in possession of a blank page, blank contact list, and blank text message inbox, and let me tell you – the white abyss has never looked so dangerous.  I guess there’s no fool-proof life preserver  when you jump back into the dating pool.  I can only thank G-d that my bff’s are well-rehearsed in CPR, because they will always be there to rescue me, or jump ship with me depending on the dating situation.  Project SOS (Save Our SweetLo) has commenced, and I’m diving head first into uncharted territory, and a newly clean contact list, in the hopes of swimming forward instead of just treading water.

It seems most folks are in a constant search for one thing or another. As a recent NYC transplant, this week I have been engaged in an apartment search and honestly I’m not sure which is more challenging…finding the right apartment or the right guy to date? I’ve been pounding the pavement on the UWS (Upper West Side) for the perfect apartment and so far there is something always a little off…which reinforces that it is all about priorities/compromise (as with dating)…perfection does not exist…and maybe if it did, it might actually be a little boring. So, when does my search end for my apartment/mensch?I believe when I have an intangible “content” feeling that this is “the perfect fit” with all its imperfections.

Though my practical side is at odds with my romantic notions, reminding me that in both searches timing is crucial and out of my control, both with an apartment vacancy and finding that perfect-enough-for-me bachelor.