Dear Tamar,

I just simply do not take photos that do me justice,  flatter me or show that I am really a very attractive woman.  So, I joined 100hookup without a photo and have had a few responses but no dates. What do I do?

Dear 100hookup Blind Date,

The answer is simple: you need to, no, you must, have photos. No one is going on 100hookup for a blind date. Regardless of your attractiveness factor, everyone can take a few decent photos even if you’re the least photogenic person in the world. Oftentimes, by the way, it’s not your lack of presence in front of the camera but the photographer. I would recommend you do something for yourself and for your dating life — spend the money to hire a professional photographer to take pictures of you — headshots, candids, full body poses, etc. Not only will you then have photos to use for 100hookup, but in 20 years you’ll be happy you have photos to look back on that you actually like and that actually look like you. Think about it this way — would you spend time getting to know a guy who didn’t have photos but promised you that he was good looking? Probably not. So gather your friends around to help with hair, make-up and wardrobe and go enjoy being a supermodel for a day! You deserve it and so does your dating life! Good luck!

100hookup gives you the option to post 12 pictures, and you need to use at least four options if you want Internet dating to work to your advantage. Research shows that people view you as 20% more attractive than you view yourself (“The Beauty Prescription” 2008). That’s a pretty big jump. The authors of this study – a pair of female doctors, one from Beverly Hills, one from South Beach – argue that individuals don’t take their personalities  into consideration when they look in the mirror, while others who look at you do. But unfortunately, when you’re trying to promote yourself via 100hookup you don’t get that extra 20% boost from your personality. And if you choose the wrong pictures on top of that, you will actually be losing attractiveness points.

When you’re choosing your photos try to look at them from other people’s perspective. If you saw your photo online squeezed between eight other profile pictures, what would make you stop? Not that fuzzy out-of-focus photo or the one taken too far away to see the face or the one with three other people in it. And while you’re thinking about it, if you did click on the first photo, would it make you want to check out the next one and so on? Although the photo in your Halloween costume is cute, it should be the third or fourth photo while the one of you dressed-up for your friend’s wedding should instead be first.

Follow the four F’s in this order when choosing your photos: Face, Full body, Fun, Friends and Family. Hook ‘em with the face, reel ‘em in with the full body, keep ‘em interested with the fun photos and make ‘em fall in love with the friends and family photos.

The first picture, the profile picture, should be a close-up of your face. They say the eyes are the window to your soul, so make sure your eyes are clear and visible (i.e. use the red-eye reduction option on your camera). A smile can light up your face, so make sure the photo is a happy one. And don’t crop out your neck… a woman’s narrow neck automatically makes her appear graceful and swanlike, a man’s thick neck makes him appear strong and masculine. These gender traits are appealing to the opposite sex.

The second photo, the full body photo, should let people see you. The body type options you’re given can be easily misconstrued so even if you’re overweight or out-of-shape, show yourself because everyone is someone’s type! You wouldn’t want to go out with a floating head, would you? Your body type isn’t super important, but be proud of what you got and flaunt it. Confidence is sexy.

Use that Halloween photo, beach photo, party photo or other photo showing you having fun for your third picture. This is not the place for your corporate business photo or the extra copies of your passport photo. Uptight photos are downright wrong for 100hookup.

If you want to use a photo of you with friends or family, the fourth photo option is the appropriate place for that.  100hookup will use their magic powers to identify you and zoom in on you. Make sure you refer to the people in your photo later so people don’t think your brother is your ex-boyfriend or your nephew is your son. If you have a great circle of friends or are close to your family, then simply say so.

Changing your photos will also boost your 100hookup profile back to the top of list and get you that cool little “New” or “Updated” logo next to your name. Don’t retract your photos too often, but if you take a break or need a refresher online, take the time to scroll through the past year or two of your photos and pick some new ones to post.

And by all means, post more photos but I think more than six can make you look a bit narcissistic.

Lastly, if you don’t have photos you like or they’re outdated, then the next time you’re at a party ask your friends to snap a lot of photos. Even if you’re in the same outfit, new pictures are better than none at all.

I remember when I was on 100hookup and meeting someone for the first time… it was so daunting! Would he look like his photos? Would we recognize each other? Would it be one of those awkward introductions where someone sticks out a hand to shake while the other goes in for a hug? I have a few solutions for these very problems!

Check out your 100hookup’s profile one last time before the date. Look at all the pictures offered since you never know which one he or she is actually going to look like. Then, as you’re pulling up to the restaurant, coffee shop or bar (I’ll get to that later) call your date and ask him or her to meet you outside. That way you don’t have to scan the back of people’s heads at the bar trying to figure out which is your date without looking like a deranged stalker. Once you see each other — and trust me, you will recognize each other when no one else is around! — you should both go in for a friendly hug. Afterall, you know enough about each other at this point that its more like a 2nd date, right?

Next:  Making Small Talk

Choosing which photos to use in your 100hookup profile is not an easy task. And now that 100hookup has given you 12 options it actually makes the task more difficult. Select at least 4 photos since there are 4 profile pages, but you don’t really need more than 6 total. You need to make sure the photos actually look like you now, not last century. The first photo – the one that will be used in searches – should be your best and it should be a close-up of you and you alone. No friends, no family members, no pets. Don’t wear a hat if you’re bald, don’t flat-iron your hair if you normally wear it curly, don’t pick your black & white, air-brushed headshot from your brief attempt at acting. Since you do plan on meeting the other person eventually – and you wouldn’t be on the website if you didn’t – then they’re eventually going to see for themselves how you really look. Thus, you want to look better than the pictures you post, but you definitely need to resemble your pictures. The 2nd photo needs to be a full body shot to prove you are the body type you say you are. After that, the photos should show more about your personality and hobbies and can include other people (or animals) in them. These photos are there to affirm your looks are consistent and that the first great photo wasn’t a fluke. More about choosing photos next week…

It is comical how differently men and women think.  Posing in your profile without a shirt (despite your eight pack) or with your sleek, new (leased) Porsche is NOT a turn on.  That said, admittedly, I have dated those persons – fortunately for us we met offline or the relationship would likely not have gotten off the ground.

Ladies, I know from our conversations that it may give you the heebie jeebies, but I have learned to try to be open and see beyond the photo…you may just find your perfect partner worth photographing.