Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on 100hookup before and received plenty of interest in the form of IM’s, emails and the like. I’m back on this site for a third time, and I am getting no replies to my profile. Everytime I log in my inbox is empty and I get no messages when I’m online. Moreover, when I email or IM men whose profiles I like, I don’t get any responses! Is there something I can do about my profile to make it better? I’m starting to lose confidence (and hope!) because of this! Anything you can suggest would be very much appreciated!

Dear Repeat 100hookupr®,

Sorry you’re not having any success this go ’round. I’m sure you’re totally frustrated but try to look at your profile from a different perspective. If you’re not getting ANY messages or responses than there’s something immediate that’s turning men off instantly. Actually, that’s an easier fix than most. This means your main photo may not be showing you in the best light or your first sentence may be off-kilter. Change those 2 things up and use a trusted friend’s opinion and approval beforehand and I’m sure your luck will change. In addition, take the opportunity to make sure the men whom you’re trying to attract are appropriately suited for you in age range and other categories.

How do you stand out in your About Me essay? Make sure your first few words are catchy because that’s what people can see in searches, don’t overuse cliches and try to use descriptive and colorful language.

This isn’t a business proposal and doesn’t need to be stiff and conservative. Although dating may feel like a job interview you can’t treat it that way. Lay it all out on the line because you have nothing to lose. It’s better to go too far and then edit and reel it in a bit rather than not go far enough. You can’t expect someone to read your blurb in the tone you wrote it, so you need to exaggerate and emphasize. Write your profile as though you were talking to your best friend – casual, relaxed, funny, friendly – times 10.

This is the time you need to sell yourself. If you’re funny, don’t just say “I have a sense of humor” say “I promise to keep you laughing all day long.” If you’re smart, don’t say “I’m a genius” say “I’ve never lost at a game of chess, but I’ll let you win and let you think you won.” If you’re successful, don’t say “I’m rich” say “I’ve worked really hard but now it’s time to settle down and enjoy life.” (Or any variation of these phrases.)

Everyone is “looking to share the rest of my life with someone,” but how can you say it in a unique way that expresses your personality? Maybe “I want to fall in love with my best friend, someone I can golf with, watch “Top Chef” with and root for the Patriots with.” This shows your interests and hobbies without just listing them and conveys the same message.

Simply put, you need to stand out – starting with the first few words and going from there. Keep the energy up, have someone who will be honest with you read it and allow them to critique and edit it if necessary. And remember, this isn’t the time to get offended – your loved ones want nothing but the best for you!

Dear Tamar,

I am an attractive, independent young woman. I have been on 100hookup for well over a year. I hardly get any “hits,” and often when I go out on a limb and make the first move to contact a man, I get no response back. I have had male friends comb through my profile and photos to see if there is any glaring reason as to why men don’t contact me, and they, too, can’t understand! I’m often asked by intelligent and handsome men (albeit non hookup men) why I am single, I get cat calls and looks when walking down the street, and all of the truckers wink at me when I am driving… so why do I have so much trouble attracting men online? I just don’t understand. Maybe you can enlighten me…am I doing something wrong???

Dear Hit or Miss,

I’m sorry you’re not having a good experience thus far on 100hookup, but I do believe that together we can turn it around for you. Even though you’ve had male friends vet your profile, I would recommend starting from scratch: new profile name, new photos, new blurbs and even adjusted preferences. It doesn’t matter what your friends think at this point because you haven’t gotten any hits, so you need a total profile makeover. Hide your profile and then spend the next few weeks taking new photos of yourself, spend some time jotting down new name ideas and sit down to make a realistic list the qualities you want your ideal mate to have. Once you’re ready, un-hide your profile and start “Click!”-ing your matches so the men know you’re interested. Before you unveil your new profile, remember to shake off your past experience and don’t let it haunt your future.

Dear Tamar,

No one on 100hookup will talk to me! Help! No one responds to my emails – I’ve tried keeping it short and I’ve tried elaborating, I’m not getting anymore “clicks” and no one wants to chat. WTF?! How do I fix this problem?! Lol. Please help!

Dear 100hookup No Date,

I can tell you’re really frustrated and I hope I can help. First, you’ve gotta shake off this recent dating downturn. Everyone goes through it at some point and it’s how you handle it that will make all the difference. Next, if you’re not a paid member I suggest you become one in order to maximize your chances. Change your preferences so that you’re searching for the categories that you would fall into and check out your competitions’ pictures and profiles to see what you are up against. Using what you’ve learned apply it to renovating your own profile and photos. While you’re at it, ask a trusted friend or relative to critique your profile honestly and bluntly and don’t take it personally. Even ask that confidant to critique your emails and IMs to potential dates to make sure you’re coming off the right way. And two final thoughts: One, make sure that your preferences are not too restricted and two, don’t give up, all dating lulls eventually come to an end so just have patience and keep at it and your luck will turn. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

So I’ve been on here for a long time and I’ve had some prospects, but nothing really has ever gone past talking online or texting. I feel like I’m stuck. What can I do to get out of this rut and go on an actual 100hookup?

Dear Stuck in a Rut,

Great question about a topic that I’m sure many people are going through, have gone through or will go through at some point in their dating lives. It sucks, plain and simple. But, there is a way to kick-start your 100hookup experience and get out of the rut. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s time for you to do a 100hookup makeover: new screen name, new photos, new paragraphs, newly thought-out preferences, etc. Delete old messages and Hot Lists. As you do so, your mentality and attitude will change along with the look of your new profile. I would even suggest hiding your profile as you make such changes since it may take more than one night online to get it right. You need to unveil your new 100hookup profile only when it’s ready and make a virtual grand entrance. Once you’re back out there, start being more active, use the tools to your advantage and try to take the new prospects directly to the phone to make plans rather than chatting online or texting. Good luck!

Dear Tamar,

I have read the advice and followed all the recommendations (lots of pictures, upbeat, friendly, personal, identifying common interests, etc.), but have had limited activity.  If I could have a dime for every man that I have contacted who says, “thanks for your interest, but I have recently begun a serious relationship,” I’d be wealthy. I also find these same men trolling on 100hookup the next day and many days after. The second most common response is to just not answer. What can I do better?

Dear What Can I Do Better?

There are always things we can improve upon, but I commend you for making such a good effort. So listen — the guys who are telling you they’ve recently begun a serious relationship are trying to let you down easy. Give them credit for at least responding and not just ignoring you or replying with something rude. Girls do it too. I know I have before. On the same hand, not all the guys who don’t respond are rejecting you, they may just not have a paid membership and can’t check their email inbox. I suggest a profile makeover for starters, utilizing an honest male friend to help you edit. Narrow down the number of photos you use to just a few great ones and make sure your paragraphs are short but sweet, and not too revealing.  I would also recommend you scaling back a little — make sure the guys are viewing you and you’re viewing them, Hot List them, see if you Click! and Flirt. If you decide to initiate email contact (hopefully you’ll receive so many emails you won’t need to send one yourself…but just in case), make sure you’re not coming on too strong or exposing too much about yourself. Simply list what got your attention, something(s) you have in common and then let them know how to contact you if they are interested. Finally, don’t mention the negative experiences you’ve had on 100hookup at least until the 2nd date. Good luck!