Dear Tamar,

I am an attractive, independent young woman. I have been on 100hookup for well over a year. I hardly get any “hits,” and often when I go out on a limb and make the first move to contact a man, I get no response back. I have had male friends comb through my profile and photos to see if there is any glaring reason as to why men don’t contact me, and they, too, can’t understand! I’m often asked by intelligent and handsome men (albeit non hookup men) why I am single, I get cat calls and looks when walking down the street, and all of the truckers wink at me when I am driving… so why do I have so much trouble attracting men online? I just don’t understand. Maybe you can enlighten me…am I doing something wrong???

Dear Hit or Miss,

I’m sorry you’re not having a good experience thus far on 100hookup, but I do believe that together we can turn it around for you. Even though you’ve had male friends vet your profile, I would recommend starting from scratch: new profile name, new photos, new blurbs and even adjusted preferences. It doesn’t matter what your friends think at this point because you haven’t gotten any hits, so you need a total profile makeover. Hide your profile and then spend the next few weeks taking new photos of yourself, spend some time jotting down new name ideas and sit down to make a realistic list the qualities you want your ideal mate to have. Once you’re ready, un-hide your profile and start “Click!”-ing your matches so the men know you’re interested. Before you unveil your new profile, remember to shake off your past experience and don’t let it haunt your future.

Dear Tamar,

How realistic is 100hookup for a widow aged 68? Reading that a 5% response rate is not bad in general, how does this hold up for a woman of my age? It’s hard not to be discouraged because no one has expressed any interest in me but it would help to understand the odds better. I know there are enough men over 60, but how many of them will even consider a same aged woman?

Dear Never Too Late for 100hookup,

In general, the odds may seem to be against you as women outlive men. But don’t let that get you down. Instead, use 100hookup to your advantage by expanding on the possibilities of meeting an older man, a younger man, or even a man who lives in another city. Play around with your preferences and by that I mean make them as wide and broad as possible. Don’t limit yourself (okay, well, limit yourself to a point, but be flexible). Even if your hobbies and interests don’t overlap, don’t count the guy out — you may still enjoy his company! A minimum age range is understandable, but there are plenty of youthful and active 75-year-old men out there so don’t count those guys out! In addition, don’t forget to get involved in activities in your community because the same guy who may have overlooked you on 100hookup may see something he missed when he sees you in person.

Dear Tamar,

I feel that I receive limited responses to my 100hookup profile and was wondering ways to attract women? I am tall with diverse interests but divorced (no children) and in my mid-40’s. Any suggestions?

Dear Great Catch!,

You are, in fact, a great catch based solely off of the information you just gave me. I know of dozens of women who would be interested in you! So that means you’re probably not representing your best self in your profile since you’re not receiving replies. Try taking new photos – this New Year’s is a great time to get some candid photos of you having fun and celebrating! Make sure your preferences are realistic. I know women in their early to mid-thirties who would be interested in you, but you will, without a doubt, have more luck with women in their late thirties to mid-forties, so your age range needs to be pretty broad. Finally, although I’ve now told you that you seem like you’re a great catch, make sure your About Me paragraph doesn’t come across as cocky. Nothing is worse than a guy who is a great catch and says so himself! Oh, and instead of just saying “diverse interests,” actually name some of them that are indeed diverse. Having broad preferences is good, making broad statements is not.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve sent various messages to different guys trying to open my mind and my preferences. However, most of them do not even open my message whether it’s a flirt or an email. What should I do?

Dear Message Center Mystery,

Don’t give up. It can take dozens and dozens of flirts and emails before you receive the kind of response you want, or any response at all. I’m glad that you’re expanding your preferences, so now make sure your profile and messages properly reflect you. Double check your photos, especially the first one, to make sure it’s the best photo you’ve ever taken! Confirm that your “About Me” paragraph is cute and flirty and fun. In particular, make sure the first sentence is catchy. Remember that many people are not paid members of 100hookup which means they cannot check their email, so don’t consider every unopened email a rejection. Have a good friend – one whom will be brutally honest – critique your photos, profile and emails, as well as your preferences, to make sure that you truly are putting yourself out there.

Dear Tamar,

No one on 100hookup will talk to me! Help! No one responds to my emails – I’ve tried keeping it short and I’ve tried elaborating, I’m not getting anymore “clicks” and no one wants to chat. WTF?! How do I fix this problem?! Lol. Please help!

Dear 100hookup No Date,

I can tell you’re really frustrated and I hope I can help. First, you’ve gotta shake off this recent dating downturn. Everyone goes through it at some point and it’s how you handle it that will make all the difference. Next, if you’re not a paid member I suggest you become one in order to maximize your chances. Change your preferences so that you’re searching for the categories that you would fall into and check out your competitions’ pictures and profiles to see what you are up against. Using what you’ve learned apply it to renovating your own profile and photos. While you’re at it, ask a trusted friend or relative to critique your profile honestly and bluntly and don’t take it personally. Even ask that confidant to critique your emails and IMs to potential dates to make sure you’re coming off the right way. And two final thoughts: One, make sure that your preferences are not too restricted and two, don’t give up, all dating lulls eventually come to an end so just have patience and keep at it and your luck will turn. Good Luck!

Hey Tamar,

Can you please help me find someone beautiful that wants a serious relationship? Thank you……..!!!!!!!!

Dear Help Please!,

Looks like you’re helping yourself pretty well by #1 being on 100hookup and #2 writing me!  If you’re really serious about finding your Beshert, follow my previous tips regarding creating your profile and setting your preferences. Remember, set flexible standards and don’t limit yourself in area, age range, education, etc. It will help if you make your own Top 10 list and spend some quality time ranking the characteristics that are most important to you. The top 3-5 should be items that you’re not willing to negotiate about. Although attraction is important, it can be based on many things so make sure “looks” are not on that list! Only eliminate prospects based on those traits because chances are you will find yourself attracted to people who have your desired features. The next thing to make sure you have in your favor when trying to find your Beshert is your attitude. Be upbeat, positive, interesting and conversational. Ask questions and listen to the answers, let your date get to know you as well and don’t forget to smile! Finally, if you’re interested in meeting a 100hookup or seeing a date again, don’t hesitate to make it obvious or to make the plans yourself! Good luck!

Dear Tamar,

I’m a caring, honest gentleman who has lost faith and trust. I haven’t received any responses from members on 100hookup and I’ve been on for a year.  I’m looking for a nice, genuine, caring, cute girl, but after reading through profiles, it’s hard to tell whether or not they’re real. How can you tell?

Dear Losing Faith,

I know it’s hard not to get cynical when dating has become difficult, but try to keep faith that there are some really great ladies out there who are perfect for you and who want to date and marry you. My advice would be not to worry about if profiles are fake or not but, rather, to concentrate more on what you’re putting out there and who you’re pursuing. Are your pictures and profile up to par? Are your preferences realistic? Make sure you’re representing yourself honestly, just as you want women to be honest, as well. Also, be careful of not being too forward in your introductory emails; simply let the women know what about them you found intriguing, what commonalities you have and that you’d like to get to know her better. Ask the most down to earth woman you know to check out your pictures, profile, preferences and emails to make sure you’re coming across the way you’re hoping to. Once you have that taken care of, I’m sure you will start getting some responses. Good Luck!

A few years ago I dated a guy about five years older than me. When the relationship ended, I was stunned to see him step out with a woman five years older than he. That’s when I realized I was competing with women ten years my junior for the same men. Not a comforting thought.

This realization opened my eyes to a number of things. First, the guys on 100hookup are selecting a much wider age range than I had assumed. Men are far more open to dating women both much younger as well as much older than they are. Second, women tend to have much stricter standards and that calculates to more women per capita, an equation that makes an already tough dating scene seem impossible. It also made me realize that I don’t want to still be single ten years from now dating guys that are also dating girls ten years younger than I. If it bothers me as the younger woman in the scenario, I can’t even begin to imagine how perturbed the older women are.

I decided that women need to take a page from the men’s handbook and increase their age range preference. Of course you need to feel comfortable, but there’s no reason not to date a guy a year or two younger or, even, up to ten years older. If you feel old enough to be a guy’s mother or young enough to be his daughter, then maybe you’ve gone too far. Simply increase your age range a little bit in each direction in order to increase your chances at meeting your beshert. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

I know this may seem like a hard question to answer, but when hookup girls are looking to date a hookup guy, why do they have really high standards that no one can meet?  Every girl I’ve come in contact with on 100hookup is looking for someone that doesn’t exist.  For instance, I’ve met some girls who are still in school but are looking for a guy who already has his bachelor’s degree even though they haven’t yet graduated.  I understand the whole security thing with a job and degree, but is there a reason why girls on this site can’t look into the near, immediate future instead of so far down the road?

Dear High Standards Syndrome,

It may sound surprising to you, but there are guys on 100hookup who are just as picky and unrealistic! But that’s beside the point and I want to address your question and not just go on the defensive (hiding my smirk). It sounds like many of the girls you have experienced on 100hookup are on the younger side and I bet they will adjust their preferences as they get older and find that their idea of a perfect man doesn’t exist. In the meantime, I’d suggest you alter your preferences and look for women a bit older and who already have their bachelor degrees so you don’t run into the type of women you’ve described above. No matter what though, there are always going to be women who think they are the cat’s meow and believe they deserve the smartest, richest, most handsome guy out there even if they aren’t bringing the same attributes to the table. Luckily, your princess radar seems to be working, so simply eliminate these immature women with unrealistically high standards as soon as you see the signs. But, be cautious because sometimes a lamb is hiding in sheep’s clothing. Some women would rather set the highest standards for themselves and then decide which to compromise on when a good guy comes along — as they could do with you if only they would give you a chance and you would give them some leeway. I, on the other hand, always did the opposite: I set medium height yet realistic standards and waited for a guy to come along who surpassed my expectations. Try to hold back from judging the women too quickly as oftentimes women (as well as men) on 100hookup tend to come with an overly-confident attitude at first because they’re simply scared. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

Do you think after spending 39 years with your Beshert, there is another one out there?  I am a young-ish widow (58 years old) and wonder if I will spend the remainder of my life without that type of love again.

Dear True Love Take 2,

First, I am sorry for your loss. Losing my spouse at a young age is one of my worst nightmares. My parents have friends in this situation as well, and I’ve fully supported them in signing up for 100hookup, attending temple functions and going on blind dates. You are young, active, and could have 40 more years of living to do (knock on wood) and want someone to share that with. Totally understandable!  That said, I do think it’s possible to find true love again! Not only do I believe in there being more than one Beshert for each of us, but I believe that once we’re in a different stage of our lives — as you are — our idea of who or what defines a Beshert is different from our definition when we were much younger.  Just think, compared to 39 years ago, your list of preferences is so much simpler — you’re not worried about finishing college, having kids, buying your first place, getting a job that will support your growing family and so forth. You’re probably more concerned with sharing the same interests in movies, food, traveling, and spending time with grandchildren. Keep your 100hookup preferences as broad as possible and let your friends, family, Rabbi and virtually everyone you come in contact with know that you’re interested in being set-up. Good luck!