I am reaching a critical point in my life. My job affords me enough money to possibly buy a new car, yet I am morally opposed to buying something when I can just as easily not buy it and have a lot more money. I drive a 1997 Volvo S90. It is fantastic. It provides every luxury demanded by my cosmopolitan lifestyle. Namely, the air conditioning works and the wheels turn.

I started thinking, though, that in order to date successfully, I should get a car that isn’t the personification of my lifetime of shortcomings. Maybe there’s more to life than a functional air conditioner and an AM/FM radio. I don’t want to be that guy with all the high tech gadgets like tinted windows and power steering. I got so caught up in the comfort of American amenities that I forgot who I was inside. I don’t need a working radio or seatbelts in order to live. I need seatbelts that are approved by some government organization.

Assuming that I decide to buy a new car, I will have to cut back on my already cut back lifestyle. First, I will have to cut my three meals a day to one Snickers bar a day. I will have to stop texting and talking on my phone. My parents will have to go a few years before knowing that I am okay. Also, I will have to go a little while with no health, life, or car insurance. I think it will be alright if I find the love of my life and don’t die in the process.

Maybe you’ve held on to your job during this economic downturn, maybe you’ve had to dip into your 401k or maybe you’ve even had to move back in with your parents as you try to save money. It doesn’t matter how the recession has affected you, if you’re single and dating then you’re not going to stop going out no matter how hard your wallet’s been hit. Whether you’re dating for the fun of it or seriously looking for someone to share the rest of your life with, the type of dates you’re now going out on have to change because of the country’s financial mess.

In the long run, a 100hookup membership isn’t expensive and is worth keeping. Think about how many drinks you’d have to buy at a bar in one month for yourself, your friends who you dragged out with you and the girls you’re hitting on. 100hookup is definitely cheaper than all that fuss. Instead, save your money for an actual date with a great girl/guy you met on 100hookup.

Other tips:
-find less expensive but tasty hole-in-the-wall restaurants instead of the newest, trendiest, fanciest place
-split an appetizer and a dessert, it’s romantic
-women should offer to go dutch and be prepared to actually pay up although it’s nice for the man to say no
-plan a daytime date with a picnic on the beach or a hike in the mountains
-after a few dates out, offer to cook and stay in for the night

Since this recession doesn’t seem to be ending anytime in the near future we all need to make lifestyle changes. It’s not gonna be fun, but in the end you’ll feel rewarded. Not only will you have saved money, but you’ll have landed a significant other who appreciates your responsible ways. It’s a win-win.

Dear Gems from Jen,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. We are living together. We have kept our finances separate, so I had no idea what his situation was. He works, makes a good income and I assumed it was ok. I don’t want kids, and I did not think marriage was terribly important.

Recently I thought it may be a good idea to buy a house, and that is when I found out that he does not have any savings at all, and does not qualify for any loans because of bad credit. He is 42 years old and has lived with his parents most of his life, but has always had a job. He has never traveled. I don’t understand how he can have no money. He does like to spend; as he has all the latest electronics and has to have what he wants right away.
We were still shopping for a house, and the mortgage and the downpayment would have to be in my name.  He gave me such a hard time, anything I liked was not good enough and he wanted a more expensive house. He was saying that my savings was not really that much and now that he is out of debt he will pay for most of the mortgage. I said that the only way I would do that is if he lets me manage all of the money, but he does not want to do that. Now I decided that I don’t want to buy a house and I would prefer to wait in order to save more and have him contribute to the downpayment as well. He does not want to do that. He wants a house now, or he does not want it at all. He is giving me ultimatums.

Now he is depressed and sad because I don’t want to buy. He even said that I have way too much control. Now he changed his tune, and wants a cheaper house or any house as long as it is now. If I don’t like a house, he gets upset and says that I am too picky. He behaves like a pig one day and is really nice the next day.
He tells me he loves me all the time. He is really sweet and easy to be with most of the time.

Now I am thinking of leaving him. I personally don’t mind if the guy manages all the finances, but he is incapable of it and will not let me do it. He can’t even pay his phone bill on time. How can we have a future together?

Dear Money And Love,
I think you have already answered your own question. It sounds to me as if your boyfriend lives more for the immediate gratification rather than achieving long-term goals. My first question to you is: How can you trust this guy to pay the mortgage, even if you do handle the finances? You stated that he has all of the latest electronics, he’s picky with what sounds like your money, can’t pay his phone bill on time and has no savings.  Do you see a future with this guy?

He’s giving you ultimatums, behaving child and pig-like when he does not get his way, and he’s now sad because you don’t want to buy a house with your money. It is apparent to me that you need to sit down and think long and hard about making a purchase of this magnitude with someone who cannot manage their own finances.  This situation has the potential to end up as a complete disaster financially for you. His behavior and issues with financial responsibility do not appear to be that of a man who is mature enough to make this type of purchase.  I would consider very strongly not delving into this arrangement with him.  As for your relationship, only the two of you can decide how to proceed once you make your decision regarding the house purchase. For the time being, take some time and really weigh your options. I wish you all the best with this very important decision!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,
I always offer and usually do pay for dinner, drinks and flowers on dates with the ladies! I suppose it’s expected and traditionally, it’s a man’s role to take care of expenses! Although, many times women step up to the plate!

My question is, through being on a few computer dating services and having read many different bios, lots of females say they love to travel. Do women expect men to pay for the cruise, a weekend in Paris, or even a trip to Disney? What is the proper protocol for who pays?   

Thank you,  
Arnie
 
Dear Arnie,
 
A few weeks ago I answered a very similar question.  However, your question has more to do with bigger expenses, than dinner, drinks, or coffee dates.  It is traditionally a man’s role to take care of the expenses, but that does not mean that a woman should expect that the man will pay for everything. I have always said that a woman should have enough cash on a date to cover at the least her share of the bill.
 
A day at Disney is one thing if you happen to live near a Disney park. I would consider this a day trip and a nice place for a date.  However, it is expensive. If you invite a date with you to Disney I would be prepared to pay.  The one who does the inviting, I believe, is the one who covers the bill.  If you cannot afford it, don’t go there.  If your heart is set on Disney and expenses are an issue, have an open a discussion with your date about who will pay for what.
 
I know for me personally I love to travel.  Does this mean that I expect the person I am traveling with to pay the cost of my portion? Absolutely not, however, keep in mind that I wouldn’t go on a cruise or a weekend getaway with a man I was casually dating for a few weeks. Expenses need to be discussed before a vacation is planned with a romantic partner.  If a couple does not agree beforehand on the money aspect, one person may end up feeling taken advantage of; while the other may feel guilty. Or, it could lead to a disagreement. Communication is the key here. My suggestion is to get to know someone well before you start to plan vacations.
 
Signed,
Gems from Jen