When you’re making plans to meet a 100hookup for a 1st date (or a 2nd or 3rd date) the venue is very important. Choose a bar inside a restaurant to meet for a drink. Then, if things are going well you can order food at the bar or get a table. Or, you can bring a bad date to an end after downing a drink and getting out of there. See, restaurants are quieter, better lit and have fewer distractions. A 1st date is not the place to be flashy or go somewhere flashy. Don’t pick a place where you’re likely to run into friends, where you took a date the night before or where you used to work. It doesn’t have to be four-star dining but it should be nice.

Don’t schedule the date directly after work, give yourself a little leeway to go home, unwind and freshen up because you don’t want to be frazzled or frizzy (or – yikes – smell stanky!). Men should dress business casual: a button-down shirt with jeans always works. Make sure you’ve gotten a haircut in the last 2 weeks.  Or, at the very least clean up the back of your neck and run the clippers over your face  for a fresh shave. Finally, brush your teeth and make sure you smell nice. Women also want to make sure they look their best: wear a dress or a fancy top, don’t wear something too tight or too trendy because you don’t want to take the attention away from YOU. Don’t wear too much make-up but please reapply loose powder and mascara. Run a brush through your hair, brush your teeth and spritz on a little perfume in a not-too-strong scent.

Next up: Avoiding 1st Date Awkwardness

Dear Tamar,

I have a serious question. I’m a massage therapist. I also work in retail. I have found that several guys just want to date me because they are hoping for a free back massage. How do I tactfully let them know I don’t give free massages? And how can I tell when a guy is just using me for a free massage or if he is interested in getting to know me the person? Should I list my retail job instead of my massage business?

Dear Career Conundrum,

Your instincts are right: posting your occupation in massage therapy is unfortunately giving off the wrong signals. You don’t need to list details regarding your occupation, simply put “retail” to cover your retail job or “small business owner” to cover your massage therapy business, or better yet, both. On the 1st date you can expand upon this as conversation flows naturally. I would even let the date know about your issues with listing “massage therapy” and gauge his response. A little eyebrow raise and cheesy response is just harmless flirting, but if he keeps pushing for a massage then you’ll have your answer and can weed out the users. Good luck!

Dear Gems from Jen,
I am very curious about guidelines when setting up that first meeting with a person who lives in another state.
 
When we “click” with someone who lives out of town, it could be the beginning of a long-distance relationship.  When the time is right and we begin to talk about finally meeting, what is the best way to handle this situation?
 
Having never met this person, it is only right to be cautious and not plan to have them stay with you in your home, or you in theirs.  However, if money is an issue (not being able to afford a hotel) then how exactly should you work out these details?
 
I know it’s not rude to expect to be safe and have the visitor stay in a hotel (or with a friend), but I still can’t help but feel that I’m asking too much of someone to ask them to purchase a plane ticket, pay for a hotel only to risk the chance of finally meeting in person to discover there is absolutely no attraction.
 
This scenario has come up a few times with me and the meeting never took place because of my desire to be cautious.
 
On the other hand, what if the arrangements have been made and they travel long distance, and reserve a hotel room. Would you prefer, ultimately, that he/she stays in your home? 

Dear Long Distance Clicking,
 
It sounds to me as if you have answered the first part of your own question.  Always use caution when meeting someone for the first time. Emailing, texting, talking on the phone is one thing, but meeting in person is an entirely different ballgame. Always remember that safety is the number one priority in the online dating arena. Having a complete stranger stay in your home is an unnecessary risk. Even if you do believe you know this person based on electronic communication.
 
There is always a risk when meeting for the first time that the chemistry may not be right. It makes no difference if the person lives in the same city or has travelled across the country.  Not everyone meshes. This is a chance we all take. I do not believe that you are asking too much. You can always let the person know how you are feeling and remain friendly while they are visiting your neck of the woods.  There is absolutely no harm in that.
 
If you feel comfortable having the person stay with you after meeting that is a personal choice. Significant time may have gone into the electronic courting, but you are still meeting for the first time. A first date is just that, a first date.
 
Signed,
Gems from Jen