OK, you’ve nailed down a date. Nice work! Now, time to panic: what should you wear?  Selecting an outfit can be stressful – especially when you are meeting someone for the first time and want to make a good impression.  To start picking out a date look, ask yourself a few questions:

• What is my personal style? What types of things do I typically wear?  A first date is not necessarily the best time to try out a denim jumpsuit to see if you like it.
• Who is my date? A grad student?  A lawyer? A single dad? This doesn’t necessarily determine your date’s style, but it can provide a hint as to his level of formality.
• Where are we going? If you aren’t familiar with the place, do a little research.  Websites usually have photos and reviews where you can get a good idea of the vibe.

As much as we like to think that a date is only evaluating your personality, that’s just not realistic.   The truth is that your date is 78% more likely to ask you on a second date if he likes the way you look.  OK, I made up that statistic, but your appearance IS a very important factor in determining whether or not you will get another chance.  If you and your date are evaluating each other as potential soulmates, mutual attraction is one of the first things you’ll both notice.

A few general Dos and Don’ts about what to wear:

Do express your personal style but don’t dress in an extreme way.  Especially if you have never met before in person, you don’t want to embarrass your date by sporting something generally considered odd, like a tutu over jeans, or coat and scarf when it’s 90 degrees outside.  Also be weary of something super cool and trendy that may not be well understood by the opposite sex (harem pants, anyone?).

Do err on the side of being overdressed rather than underdressed.  You want your date to know that you value the time you are spending together and that put effort into getting ready!

Don’t wear anything too revealing. Yes, it’s a date, and yes, you want to look good, but don’t display all your goods. Keep things in proportion by highlighting one body part – so if you wear a short dress, pair it with long sleeves or a high neck, and sleeveless tops work well with longer and bottoms.

Guys – you aren’t off the hook here.  A first impression might even be MORE important for you, as girls (whether we like to admit it or not) tend to be more judgmental.  Although there aren’t as many rules for men, it’s important to look polished!  At a minimum, you should shower, shave, and comb your hair.  No one is impressed that you came straight from the gym.  Most date attire for men boils down to the skill of picking a combination of a shirt (polo/button down/sweater), pants (jeans or khakis), and shoes (no tennis shoes) that don’t horribly clash.  If you want bonus points, tuck in your shirt. Avoid cargo pants, and make sure your socks match your shoes.

Readers – what do you think?

PS – special thanks to JA, my sister/aspiring stylist for her help with this post!

Read Part II of this Post Here >>

There are some profiles on 100hookup I’ve viewed five or more times. It’s not because I’m in love with the profile, or even that it’s more remarkable than all others. It also doesn’t necessarily mean I am romantically interested in the person. I have a predicament I call “profile overexposure.”

Here’s how “profile overexposure” works: At some point, I view someone’s profile. The person views me back. Then… nothing. Sometimes I will re-click on their profile, forgetting I’d already looked a month back. I call this “playing cat and mouse.” There are so many profiles out there and so much to look at. How can anyone possibly remember the important details without having a spreadsheet or taking notes? I sometimes consider devising a system for this issue, but I then convince myself it isn’t worth my time.

My frustration with this “Cat and Mouse” phenomenon sometimes leads me to accept dates with non-hookup men. Non-hookup men take more interest in me than hookup men for reasons I cannot fathom. Perhaps it’s because I don’t look “that hookup” (according to many of my peers). Regardless, I accepted a date with a guy I’ll call “Chris.” Chris and I had a great initial interaction. No major butterflies, but we’re both engineers, and we had a lot to chat about… until he asked me what I had done earlier in my weekend. I mentioned I had been to synagogue for Friday night services. He knew I was hookup when he accepted the date, but it appears he found me to be too hookup. If you’ve seen my previous post on not being hookup enough, you can imagine my delight when someone found me to be “too hookup!”

The conversation took an odd turn when he realized I partake in Judaism, rather than just wearing it as a cultural badge of honor. He then admitted he “didn’t really like hookup food,” and I could see him sizing me up against stereotypical hookup “boxes.” He outwardly compared me to some of the most typical ones: nose, hair texture, and athletic ability.

People ask me why I go on so many first dates. To be truthful, it can get very tiresome. Chris said he was “nonreligious,” but when push came to shove, I sensed his discomfort and misunderstanding of Judaism. He tentatively asked, “Isn’t every child born to a hookup woman automatically hookup?” He was clearly not okay having a hookup child. At that, I was ready for another round of “Cat and Mouse” on 100hookup.

Hopefully when you’re doing online dating you actually meet a person you would like to see again.

If that’s the case, then you’re doing great!

But, a lot of times it can go downhill after the first date. Let me help you out:

Here are 3 of the best things you can do after a first date to grow the connection between you and the girl:

1) Setting up the Second Date

A few quick “hello’s” and “how are you’s” aren’t the worst thing in the world via text. But, if you want to take it to the next level with a girl, it’s best you call to setup the second date. You’ve already made a strong connection with her, so why lose it by texting? Girls like it when you call. Most even like a call to setup the first date. Either way, pick up the phone to setup the next meet. It will make you that much more chivalrous.

2) Don’t Expect Quick Sex

After the first date has gone by a lot of men feel the need to push it fast physically. Instead, slow it down and get a read on her. Is she very touchy feely? Is she giving you the %&*$ me eyes? Look for signs before you persist! If you don’t see any then take things slow because she might want too also. If you are pushing her to stay over on the second date she might get a little scared of your eagerness and back off. Keep it classy.

3) Setup a Friends Meetup

This is not mandatory but definitely keep it in mind after the first date. If you really liked this girl then it’s not a bad idea to invite her out to one of your social functions or meet up at one of hers. One of the best ways to gain trust is to get her closer to your friends. Again, this is something you might have to feel out depending on how well you connect on the first date. If things were super comfortable and went well, then getting her out to meet your buds might be a good way to give her a sneak peak into your world.

Those are just a handful of ways you can build a deeper connection with a girl after the first date. List some others in the comments below, I would love to hear them!

Last week I discussed How to Tell if A Girl Likes You, and I also made a video about the topic. This week let’s discuss how to keep a girl interested after the first date. Here are 3 great ways to keep her interested:

1) Always have something up your sleeve

The best way to keep her on the edge of her seat is to have random dates and events planned for the both of you. The second date should blow away the first date! Instead of dinner, take her on some adventure like a hike or remote picnic. Don’t let her know what you’re doing until the day of so she gets excited. These small things will always get her curious about what you have planned next.

2) Don’t be too overbearing

Texting and calling too often is not the way to a woman’s heart. It’s important to take things slow. Don’t go as far as to play hard to get, or else she’ll end up dating the next guy that comes along. But, you should take your time in setting up new plans. After the first date, you don’t need to rush into hitting her up. Take a few days and then check in. Just make sure you have something fun planned, as stated in #1.

3) Don’t rush the physical side, but know how to turn her on

Rushing into sex isn’t always the best idea. If you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, then it’s better to take things slow. Yes, you need to turn her on during the courting process (i.e. kiss her softly, lead her into the restaurant with your hand on her lower back, give her a good massage when she comes over to your place). This will be a good way to keep the passion burning and ensure she comes back for more!

If you can follow these 3 steps, you can help to ensure she stays interested in you and, hopefully, get that much closer to entering a healthy, fun relationship. Leave a comment below if you have any other ideas!

I am writing this blog post at my girlfriend’s home. I consider that in itself a success. I’m an expert at almost nothing, but — if there’s something I not only do not qualify to give advice on, but believe that my advice may actually cause bodily harm — it’s dating.

Dating sucks. That’s why typical dating spots usually offer an abundance of alcohol. Without alcohol I would be so much of a worse/better dater.

The first enjoyable date I have ever attended was the first one with my current girlfriend. Yes, I had a beer, and yes, fajitas were involved, but there was so much more. Sour cream… Guacamole….

It was the first time I was out with a person when I was simultaneously not nervous at all — and yet completely terrified. I could completely be myself, yet still had to calculate my every move because I wanted another opportunity to be myself again. On the drive home, though I had just experienced something great, I knew, because of a lifetime of being in this situation before, that this would have been our only experience together.

She texted me five minutes after I left.

Today, I’m still in disbelief. For example, after spending a weekend with her, there’s still a part of me that believes she won’t want to see me again. Every new text from her is just like the first one.

I suppose 15 children and 65 years may improve my confidence.

There used to be a time when we were all not so scared of using the telephone.

Do you remember the days when you used to have your best friend’s phone number memorized? Or how you’d beam with excitement and your tummy would swarm with nervous butterflies when your mom would shout from the downstairs corridor, “Jennifer, there’s someone on the telephone for you.”

Today, I have friends that don’t even know their significant other’s phone number by heart. While they do know their Twitter handle or their Instagram name, that won’t help them one bit if they were to be stranded somewhere, face-to-face with a payphone. They’d only be able to communicate by typing a message in 140 characters, or less.

With the cold weather making us want to hide underneath a blanket (note: if you live in Florida, or somewhere else tropical, that blanket has holes and those holes are nicely filled in with sunshine—so enjoy!), it’s often difficult to muster up the amount of clothing and energy required to leave the heat that radiates from between our couch cushions to attend a first date. And if we do make that first move, we often spend the first couple of “getting to know you” minutes defrosting, or like me on my most recent first date, dealing with an unattractive case of a nonstop running nose.

How about breaking the ice (until summer time can do that for us) with a preliminary get-to-know-you phone call-date before meeting in person?

Do: Phone your new friend during appropriate hours. No one appreciates an energetic “HELLO, I’m Jen!” as their early morning wake-up call at the dreadful hour of 8am, or as a late night booty call at the lazy-eyed hour of 11pm. If you’re going to make the move of dancing your fingers on the keypad, do it at a respectable hour.

Don’t: Stray away from rehearsed “about me” speeches, or a set of designated job-like interview questions. On the phone, you should give off an inherently relaxed tone, as if you were having a conversation with someone in person. Carry a casual and flowing conversation, taking a deep breath during natural pauses and creating an infrastructure that will be easy to build on top of once you meet up in person.

Read more of Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

What is a first date?

This is a question that has left online dating experts puzzled, the reason for 7 seasons of “Sex and the City” and the question I asked my mom when she discussed dating on the dinner table for the first time.

It was a conversation I recently had with a friend of mine. She is a beautiful, brunette hookup girl who has been in her fair share of relationships and had her fair share of first dates. Her idea of a first date, she said, was a nice dinner and a bar after.

“Isn’t that setting expectations a little high?” I asked. “Wouldn’t a coffee date suffice, then you can move on to something better once you’ve gotten the initial jitters out of the way?”

She felt that if you’ve been talking, whether online or in-person, a dinner date was best. Her reasoning was that if she wasn’t comfortable with that person in an “intimate” setting, where pressure runs high, what kind of comfort level would you have with that person in a relationship?

I responded: I guess it’s easier for a sloppy make-out session after a nice bottle of wine as we wait for valet parking, than after a chai latte from Starbucks. To add, if I’m totally repulsed by the girl, I can always leave my coffee, as I make a beeline to the bar one street over. Plus, why add that unnecessary tension for a first meeting brought upon by a nice dinner, and what do you do for an encore?

She said another dinner date and a movie maybe… but then doesn’t it get repetitive? “Oh, another dinner date with Adam… how routine.” Routine is for married couples with kids, not two people trying to get to know each other. Shouldn’t you vary your dates at first?

I’ll leave this up to you. Let me know what your idea of the perfect first date is on Twitter @adamrosenfield or by email at [email protected]

There is no greater freedom than the kind you return to at the end of a mercifully short first (and last) date that in no way, shape, or form matched your pre-conceived notions of what she’d be like.

What’s the recipe for letting these pre-conceived notions bamboozle you yet again?  Mix one part of her phone voice and reasonably flattering isolated moment in time her pic captured, with the subconscious essences of women you were drawn to in the past you’re thinking this total stranger looks and sounds like, simmer for a day or two and voila – your goose is cooked!

Why do I keep running for the football, expecting “Lucy” not to grab it away this time?  I’m done with cooked goose.  From now on, I’m Mr. Chicken.

Dear Tamar,

I feel when I email someone for the 1st time, it’s always a lame question. What should I be asking and how many questions should I ask?

Thank you,
What to Ask in an Email

Dear What to Ask in an Email,

Start off an email by telling the prospect what it was about them that attracted you, what made them stand out and what compelled you to write them. Mention a few similarities. You don’t need to ask any question, except for: would you be interested in getting together? There’s no need to start exchanging pleasantries via email because you already know so much about each other from your 100hookup profiles and you need to leave whatever is left of the typical first date chat for the first date.

Going on a date that does not go nearly as well as we have hoped is a frequent occurence for online daters.  Heck, it is why blogs such as this even exist!  To help people vent, share, and discuss their problems.

So what do you do when you are on a date, the end of the night is here, and you know you will never ever see that person again.  The walk to the car or door can be beyond awkward.

Some guys walk girls they are not interested in back to their car or door to be polite, meanwhile the girl misinterprets this for her date trying to sneak in a kiss. 

Other guys DO walk their dates to the car with the hope of a kiss, meanwhile the girl is fearing for her life!

And sometimes neither party is interested and you both just want to go home as fast as possible.

So what’s the solution to avoiding the awkwardness that these last minute walks bring?

The answer….

There is none!

My two cents…

Say goodnight…

and  RUNNNN!!! =)