At the beginning of the summer, I set my mind on becoming well read. Six books later, I’m feeling proud of sticking to that goal, and I’m even happier that it did not require me to drop any of my other ongoing goals. If you want to play a new instrument or learn to surf, I say go for it. Reaching for something reasonably within grasp and meeting a goal is a huge confidence booster.

If your goals are interpersonal, it’s a bit harder to just jump in, but it’s equally important to have measurable successes. Maybe you want to start going on more dates after a long dry spell. I always like to make goals quantifiable, but that’s just the engineer in me talking. Maybe you want to make more friends or go to temple more regularly. Goals are great, but they’re not as helpful tucked away on a shelf for later.

Someone who I’m close to (who hates unsolicited advice) mentioned they think they are going to “be alone forever.” How is she supposed to make progress toward her goal of having better relationships if she’s so negative from the get go? She hasn’t even tried to date since her relationship ended nearly three years ago.

Two small things I want to tell her:

1. Attitude is HUGE! It’s maybe the most pivotal component to success.
2. Why not now? Why not today? Your happiness may depend on it.

It doesn’t have to be a relationship. I’m sure she has other aspirations. You probably do too. Building your skills or trying something new may give you a funny new story to tell on a date, or may even make you a richer, happier person. There’s no harm in trying, in or out of the dating arena. You have nothing to lose, and only something to gain when you go for it.

So, what’s the #1 thing that women want?

Confidence.

It’s not the easiest thing in the world to obtain but it sure does attract the ladies.

So how do we gain confidence? Well, you could hire a dating coach to help you (hint, hint) or you could read the rest of this blog post to find out exactly how.

1) Failure IS an option

The more and more we fear failure the less and less we try. And the less and less we try, the less likely we are to get ANY results. Without results we cannot build confidence. How do we know we can succeed at something unless we give it a go? It’s gonna take a few failures to get there so what are you waiting for? You see that cute girl online, message her. You want to say something flirty, go for it. In order to gain true confidence, we have to believe in ourselves and seeing success results is proof in the kosher pudding.

2) Drop the Ego Like A Bad Habit

Once you let go of your ego clarity comes your way. Your mind is free from the burden of excuses and negative thoughts. Your ego holds you back from taking action, taking risks and taking out the next cute girl on a date. In order to exhibit true confidence you can’t rely on the mess of your thoughts to stop you from ever making a move. The next time you come up with a new reason not to take a chance, don’t listen to your jumbled anxiety and read this blog post again. Remember, the only thing ever getting in the way…is you.

3) Take Baby Steps

In order to increase confidence in any area of life, taking the baby step approach will be your best method. Small steps will ensure you are headed in the right direction and constantly moving forward. To conquer your fear, take life head on, but one step at a time. Remember when you learned how to ride a bike? Did you just hop on and go? No, probably not. You started on the tricycle. Then, when you were ready, you got on the big boy bike. Remember, one baby step for you, one giant leap for your confidence.

Those are 3 surefire ways to boost confidence in yourself. You’re going to need it because the ladies dig it. Stop being unsure and get out there! Like I always say: Successful people do what unsuccessful people are unwilling to do.

Read more from Tripp here.

I am writing this blog post at my girlfriend’s home. I consider that in itself a success. I’m an expert at almost nothing, but — if there’s something I not only do not qualify to give advice on, but believe that my advice may actually cause bodily harm — it’s dating.

Dating sucks. That’s why typical dating spots usually offer an abundance of alcohol. Without alcohol I would be so much of a worse/better dater.

The first enjoyable date I have ever attended was the first one with my current girlfriend. Yes, I had a beer, and yes, fajitas were involved, but there was so much more. Sour cream… Guacamole….

It was the first time I was out with a person when I was simultaneously not nervous at all — and yet completely terrified. I could completely be myself, yet still had to calculate my every move because I wanted another opportunity to be myself again. On the drive home, though I had just experienced something great, I knew, because of a lifetime of being in this situation before, that this would have been our only experience together.

She texted me five minutes after I left.

Today, I’m still in disbelief. For example, after spending a weekend with her, there’s still a part of me that believes she won’t want to see me again. Every new text from her is just like the first one.

I suppose 15 children and 65 years may improve my confidence.

I am completely and utterly convinced that women can sense when a man who is interested in them is lacking in confidence. While some men are naturally better than others when it comes to pursuing and acting confidently around women I honestly believe that every male has the ability to boldly pursue a woman with the utmost poise.

While some men hold the attitude that they are “humanity’s gift to women” I think that for a majority of men we need to feel comfortable in a given situation in order to project the most self-assured version of ourselves. This is not to say that you won’t have success with a woman if on that particular occasion you brought your “B-Game,” but I do think that women can tell when a guy isn’t completely confident in what he’s saying and how he’s acting toward them.

Even though we’ve all seen teeny bopper movies where the stereotypically hot-shallow girl ends up falling for the nerdy socially awkward guy when she discovers his inner charm, this typically isn’t how things work in the dating world. Furthermore, how many times have you (men) heard your female friends say that they are, “looking for a guy with confidence,” or that, “they find confidence sexy”? In the end I may know very, very little about women, but what I do know is that most women are attracted to confident men and can smell fear on those who aren’t.

Most people that struggle during online dating often worry about what they must do to improve their online dating skills directly.  And for good reason.  Learning how to build attraction, generate high interest, and strategies to push past the competition is extremely important for any advanced online dater.

However, sometimes it is good to work on aspects of yourself that are not directly related to online dating techniques.  Occassionally having a nice mental boost and jump in self-confidence will do wonders for your success.  If we don’t feel good about ourselves, first and foremost, we won’t feel good on a date to the extent that we need to if we wish to be extremely confident, self assured and on point with our game.

So do things that improve your mental health.  Excercise.  Set time aside for your hobbies.  Get a new haircut.  Buy some new clothes.  Even something as small as drinking more water every day can improve your mental health and provide more energy.

Improving yourself is the first step that we all must take before improving our dating life.  Only when our confidence is at a high will we be fully equipped to succeed with women of the highest quality.

For several months now, a close friend of mine has been going through a rough stretch in that it is difficult for him to meet women. He has a great personality and the uncanny ability to talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable, despite the situation he finds himself in. Like him, when I got out of a long-term relationship last May, I went through a comparable stretch where I tried to get back into the dating scene but lacked the confidence and emotional availability necessary to thrive in that environment.

Recently, my friend asked me about how 100hookup was going and I told him that I was enjoying the experience of meeting some really interesting people. And yet, while he has always been supportive of my foray into online dating, he has never been able to see himself in that world. It’s not because he has any prejudices or negative preconceived notions about Internet dating; it’s more that he viewed joining an online dating site as admitting defeat. Through this admission I was able to understand his perspective that, in spite of his recent dating frustrations and lack of success, he wasn’t ready to give up on conventionality.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I don’t believe it’s my place to try to convince anyone to join an online dating site. However, I am not hesitant when the subject is brought up by others to point out its virtues and how it has helped me. The other night, while my friend and I were at dinner, I sensed a change in his tone as he questioned me about online dating. As such, I took the opportunity to explain to him what I believe to be the most significant way that being on 100hookup has helped me.

Over the past few months of being an active member on 100hookup, my dating confidence has grown significantly. Because of the extensive online community, the pressure and stress of meeting women in everyday situations was taken away and I quickly gained back the self-assurance necessary to open conversations, chat with, and go out on first dates with women. Furthermore, after feeling successful and gaining momentum on 100hookup, it has been much easier for me to talk to women that I meet in the same everyday situations where I had previously lacked all forms of confidence.

Almost immediately after I finished expressing this sentiment, my friend’s demeanor and perspective on online dating seemed to change. It was like a light bulb turned on in his head after realizing the numerous ways he could benefit from sites like 100hookup. In fact, later that night after returning home from dinner, he created a profile and thus began his online dating adventure.  I can honestly say I’m happy he did so because, bottom line, everyone deserves a chance at getting their dating confidence back.

I went with a friend today to go look at new cars. In all honesty, I really hate this aspect of life.  It seems so slimy to me; the salesmen, the big boss, the finance guy, and the endless questions that accompany the process. This got me thinking though; it’s all about the confidence the employees at the dealership utilize. I decided I would walk in with the same confidence. I wasn’t going to be tricked into looking at a car based on my color preference. I was going to portray confidence and even feign it, if I began to feel my anxiety level raise.
 
This whole process reminded me of the bar scene. The guy making eye contact, the one buying rounds of drinks, the shy one sitting in the corner, and then there is the guy who oozes confidence and the women flock to him. What does he have that the others don’t? Confidence!  Where does he get it? He’s usually not the best looking guy around, the richest, most successful, or the one with the greatest physique. He gets it from creating goals for himself and working towards achieving them.  He follows through and continues to make strides even when life gets the better of him. Confidence comes from building a life that one can be proud of; not cutting corners and putting your best foot forward no matter the circumstance.