“Chivalry is dead.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that statement from women, discussing their break-ups, a bad date they had, or how every male they meet makes fun of the WNBA.

That statement is usually followed up with “He didn’t call” or “I thought we had a great time, but he doesn’t answer my texts,” or “he didn’t friend me on Facebook.” These complaints are completely understandable, as bad date or not, every male should follow up with “Hey, I had a great time” or “Hey, you’re an awesome person, and I’d love to be friends,” or something similar to not keep a girl waiting in her quest for Prince Charming.

Why is it then that girls always get a pass in disregarding these type of interactions?

A buddy of mine, I’ll call him Cutler due to his Chicago roots, went out for drinks with a girl who contacted him on another site. Now, what was interesting about said girl was when they were deciding a time to meet me, the girl sent Cutler several messages saying “Hey, if at all possible let’s do it tonight” and quickly gave him her phone number without being prompted by my friend. Not necessarily a red flag, but definitely a call for question.

Fast forward two days later. My chivalrous friend tells me he ended up talking for two hours to this girl, and was hopeful in planning date number 2, as the girl had also indicated to him via text that night that she enjoyed his company.

So why then, when Cutler called, saying what a good time he had and his interest in another date, did she not call back? Why would she give her number so quickly, look for a meeting time as early as possible, and then go silent once it was time to take the step? Did she have a boyfriend, who probably doesn’t know she’s on a dating site? Or is she just an immature 27-year-old girl (real women would be courteous with follow-ups) who is trying to get as many drinks bought for her as possible, while misleading every guy she dates until she finds the lawyer/doctor/banker/politician stereotype that all hookup mothers secretly desire for their daughters?

Women, dating goes both ways. So does karma. Even if you had no possible connection, every guy is still worth a rejection text message to let him off the hook. You never know when “playing the field” will come back to bite you.

We all know not to drink and drive and we all know to fasten our seatbelts, but how about driving while your hot date is sitting next to you in the passenger seat? The rules for that may not have legal recourse, but they should be followed just the same. I know its girls who are supposed to be the bad drivers, but you’d be surprised the stunts guys would pull to impress a woman. Just because it’s considered chivalrous for the man to drive, doesn’t give you a free pass to put the pedal to the metal.

Some tips on how not to literally drive your date crazy in the car:

-Have a clean car with a full tank of gas. It’s more important than the type of car you’re driving. Late one night many years ago, my date drove around for half an hour looking for an open gas station. Another date had to clear debris off my seat but there was still tons of clutter under my feet. And if you have the time, go to a carwash or wipe the car down quickly. Seeing a thick coating of dust on the rear windshield with the words “wash me” written into it is not attractive.

-That said, guys who are overly obsessed with their cars are also a turn-off. One guy picked me up in his teeny-tiny luxury convertible freshly waxed with personalized plates. A friend’s ex-boyfriend was a fanatic about his car, but it wasn’t even like it was a 1957 Corvette Stingray, it was a 15-year-old foreign import! And he wasn’t trying to keep it in pristine condition for resale value, he just thought his car was the cat’s meow.

-Driving safely is a major turn-on. Don’t drive like your Grandma, but this isn’t the Indy 500 either. If I end up with whiplash because you slam the brakes at every red light, I’m probably not going to make out with you. Let me know you care about me by making me feel safe in your car. Reclining your seat all the way back and using your knee to guide the steering wheel is not cute. Asking me to be the deejay so you aren’t distracted from watching the road… is. Cursing at the guy who cut you off while you flash your brights and tail him, not so hot. Using your turn signals and waving to the guy who let you in… hot. Slowing down to let an elderly couple or a mom with a stroller safely get on the curb before turning… very hot.

-When it comes to music, program a setting to the Top 40 station and make sure the volume doesn’t impede conversation while at the same time diffusing any awkward silences. I don’t understand when a car full of people pulls up beside me with the base so loud it makes my car vibrate. Who can talk?

-Besides the obvious tips of opening the door for a lady, there are other things you can do to make your date feel comfortable: keep a box of tissues handy; make sure your car’s not making any peculiar noises; and if there’s no parking nearby, don’t be too cheap not to pay for valet sometimes – I wore these sexy stilettos for you, so please don’t make me actually have to walk in them!

I refuse to believe chivalry is dead. It’s not that I can’t open my own door or drive myself to the restaurant or pay for my own meal, but when a man does it for me, I feel special.

I remember a 100hookup I met whose efforts were too forced and too obvious, and it was silly, really. He would say my name too often, which was probably a sales technique he learned to help remember names and make the person feel special, but instead it had the opposite effect and came off as insincere. When I answered the phone I heard “Hi Tamar!” When he left me a voicemail it was “Hi Tamar!” Each and every text message read “Hi Tamar!” It was just too much, too over the top and simply annoying.

Another 100hookup I remember lacked simple table manners. He didn’t put his napkin on his lap, chewed with his mouth open, talked with food in his mouth and held his fork like a pendulum over his plate and his elbows on the table. Ick.

One 100hookup extended the “ladies first” etiquette to me, but apparently the same didn’t extend to my female friends. One night a bunch of us went out and he opened the door for me but let it swing shut on my girlfriend. When we were getting our wristbands for the club, he stuck his hand in front of hers and as we were walking through the club he cut her off to walk behind me. Respect me by respecting my friends.

Another thing that bothers me is the indecisiveness. I was asked out on more dates than I can count where the man would ask me where we should go after I was already in the car. Excuse me? Here’s some advice: make a reservation at a nice restaurant and leave a decent tip. I don’t care how much the bill was, but I do care how you treat the server.

Listen, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself… just be your most polite, well-mannered self on your very best behavior… at least on the first date!

Is chivalry dead? Do independent women like chivalry? I am probably one of the most independent girls one could ever meet.  I go to work every day, pay my own bills, live alone, and rarely ask for help. I think nowadays some men believe independent women like to do everything for themselves.  I actually do enjoy taking care of myself 100%, but does that mean I don’t want to be treated like a girl? No, not really.  I have to admit I do like the car door opened for me. I like a door to a restaurant held open for me. I like to feel protected and cared for.  I like when a guy treats me like I am a girl. Not that I can’t do everything for myself, but chivalry, especially when I’m interested in the other person, makes me feel special.  In my opinion, chivalry is alive and well.