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How many of these coffee interview-like dates have we all been on?  If I just passed my resume across the table (the generic discussion of my education and job history), the date would have taken care of itself.  Then I could speed-dial my mom to fill in the family part.  And boy, would she be excited to be involved in the process.  Mom probably believes she could do a better screening in my romantic life, considering I’m still single.

Rarely do you have one of these coffee dates filled with constant laughter and wit.  Thank you, Mr. Flowerman. You saved me from my eyes being glazed over reciting my resume which I happen to know like the back of my hand.  Two hours of wit and laughter later, it was definitely time well spent.

After my 400th squat with my trainer, I was burning, and okay, cursing at him too.  But anything good (like buns of steel, training for a triathlon, studying for the Bar) is worth putting in the effort and fighting for. I think the same fight is true when it comes to love & relationships.

Admittedly, I’m not a social worker, therapist, psychiatrist or the like.  I have no training as such and wouldn’t make any “declaratory” statement regarding addictions.  But the fact that our society is easily grabbing onto the “sex addiction” excuse card trend to try to save marriages is crazy on some level. I think marriage is another ball of wax, especially when kids are involved, so from my vantage point it is much easier to surmise as opposed to being in the scenario.

All I can say for me, is no cheaters need apply. We date, because we enjoy each other. Full Stop.  When that stops being the case we figure out the next step and whether it is worth saving the relationship. Why hold onto something if you desire to cheat?  It just never made sense to me on a basic level.  A relationship is about Trust, once that is compromised, it is very tough to get it back.

In a classic 70’s song depicting a man who is disenchanted with his current relationship, he reads the personals and spots an ad that catches his attention: the ad of a woman who is seeking a man who, among other things, must like pina coladas.  Intrigued, he writes back and arranges to meet with the woman only to find upon the meeting that his new lover is his current lover.  The song ends showing that the two lovers realize they have more in common than they suspected, and that they do not have to look any further than each other for what they seek in a relationship.
With the internet, there is a gravitational pull to continue looking.  If there is a bump, it is over, because you can go online and get 100 new dates by next month by clicking the mouse.  The mystery is out though:

The grass is not greener on the other side.  Full Stop.  If you meet someone who is a good person, is committed, can make your smile, is kind and has the same life goals.  Think long and hard, because the grass is not greener, the grass is greener where you water it.  Where you put effort into your own current relationship and make that person your priority…So maybe rather than continuing the perpetual on-line clicking, stop and examine yourself and the relationship- because what you have, may be as good as it gets- and that may be pretty darn good.

Santa Monica is one of my favorite places.  The ocean, the weather, life is grand as a visitor.  I’m at peace and in my happy place.  Sometimes I just wish I could rewind and get back there and its potential.

As I was perusing the 100hookup profiles one moniker grabbed my attention from a handsome gentleman AKA Lets Grow Old Together….  Although premature in his intention in his late thirties, I couldn’t agree with him more.  Granted, as a singleton in NYC I enjoy the social opportunities that I am afforded.  Though as uncool as it may sound, a party once in awhile is fine, but I prefer going to bed by 11:00 and waking up early.  I prefer outside activities during the day verses bar activities.  A double date, dinner party with a mad game of Taboo and a great bottle of wine sounds wonderful.  Spending the afternoon picnicking in Central Park, catching up on reading, and watching the row boats equals a perfect day.  I’m so over the bar scene.  I guess the ritual ground hound day’s life with my partner and dog, sounds pretty exciting to me.  For me, there is a warmth and happy content consistency that comes from the notion of routine and Growing Old Together.

The most valuable lesson my sister taught me in high school which still remains in my head, “if you hold your hand up and have that many “true” friends in your life at the same time, who truly have your best interest at heart, you are a wealthy individual”.  We all have our dating stories and go through relationship ups/downs, and perhaps even turn to our friends for some dating guidance.  [Disclosure: I am a very optimistic Disney fairy tale believing individual].  That being said, I do believe it is important to be cautious with the advice you are given by your other single friends.  First off, they are single.  Case in point.  Secondly, no one wants to be the last person standing.  For example, if my hypothetical boyfriend’s single guy friend no longer had a playmate for his weekend steak dinners and bar festivities, is he really going to be the person advocating the best outcome for the relationship?  He misses his wingman and doesn’t want to be left standing.  The expression misery loves company came from somewhere.  I’m not saying this is always the case.  And in fact, regardless, the couple in the relationship should be strong enough to do what is best for them.  Just sometimes, outside persuasion, especially from your single wingman, may not be the best advice to get you to where you ultimately want to be.  Just sayin…

100hookup is a mitzvah.  Not because I blog for them, but because I know many many people who, had it not been for 100hookup, would not have met their Beshert.  Most hookup singletons at some time or another have used 100hookup as a resource to meet people.  The tricky navigation is what happens if you actually meet someone on 100hookup that you like…the inevitable question on both persons’ minds are-“Are they still logging on and cyberspace shopping?”  If their interest is genuine, why would they log on?  My friend Adam (names have been changed to protect the innocent), was quite stunned when after a “great” date with a little action, he was notified by his buddy that his date from last night logged on before the sun rose the next morning.  What does this mean?   NOTHING.  There can be a number of reasons why someone may log on.  Of course, common sense may suggest that if you have a really good time on the date, ride the wave and see where it goes and be respectful as everyone knows the Internet is like “Big Brother.”  But, since everyone does know that, the bottom line is to not put much credence into whether someone logged into 100hookup; positively or negatively.  If you meet on the site and have been on one or two dates, you may be setting an unrealistic expectation.  There is no replacement for communication to make sure that everyone is on the same page.  I wouldn’t go writing a quality person off just because he/she logged onto 100hookup the next day, nor would I be planning a wedding.  I don’t believe there is a correlation between one’s feelings and intentions and logging on in the beginning stage of a courtship.  Early communication however, can alleviate any awkwardness that social media presents, both good and bad.

Jerry Seinfeld wisely observed that breaking up with someone was like trying to tip over a soda machine.  You can’t do it in one push.  You have to get it rocking.  Once it is moving and unstable, only then can you push it over.  In some occasions the exploding soda pop (i.e. relationship) can be rescued and resuscitated, but that happens only when both partners are committed and have the strong desire to push through the bumps and understand what is causing the hiccups in the first place.  We all know fights are never about the “actual” fight.  Once you discover the true cause of concern, the reality of the situation is usually unmasked.  The majority of the time it is “fear” of something.  Fear is one of the strongest motivations causing people to act in one manner or another.  No matter how you look at it, whether you are on the initiating or receiving end of pushing over a soda machine, it is never fun.  The potential you had romantically hoped for seems no longer viable.  If you dated a long time, you are possibly missing your best friend (and that is probably the toughest).  Usually, there are two routes: Some folks attempt to fry the same egg twice and start over giving it another shot; while others prefer to hope that a new bus is around the corner with new possibilities.  With Spring around the corner, here’s hoping for new beginnings in whichever form they may come.

Sunday evening my posse and I were celebrating with margaritas in hand at La Esquina, a speak easy uber trendy NYC restaurant. Giddy with consumption, wild conversation topics were being exchanged …and then the mention of Vagazzle.  Say what??  Apparently, Jennifer Love Hewitt popularized the trend? After she encountered a bad break-up, she began vagazzling, and now the spas have taken hold of the trend.  What is Vagazzle you ask?  Apparently, it involves affixing tiny jewels to the female nether region: a Swarovski crystaled disco ball down there.

Of course, needing a guy’s verdict on this topic, we immediately turned to our male guests at the dinner party and asked their thoughts.  Bottom line, “so not necessary” said “John MOT.”  “If it’s gotten to that point, I’m interested, and no need for the bedazzler effect.”

So ladies, if you are having a bad day or you and your Honey are at odds, may I recommend a pair of Jimmy Choo’s, Manolo’s, or even a Jacque Torres Chocolate Chip Cookie?  Leave the bling for that left hand.