Dear Tamar: Help Me Write Emails Please!
by Tamar Caspi
under Date Night,100hookup,Online Dating
Dear Tamar,
I read all the tips on how to send that first email to ladies. I also emailed more than a dozen ladies on 100hookup and not one of them responded. I think the fact that I am shy and inexperienced may have something to do with it, but I’m not sure. Here is the email that I sent to the ladies on 100hookup:
100hookup.com probably thinks our profiles matched so I’m sending you this email. It is cool. If you are interested in continuing this research, please write me back when you have a chance.
Best Wishes,
xxx
Do you have any advice for me as to how I can change this email? Or maybe something I can put in this email so that when I email the ladies on the website they will respond to me? Please let me know. Have a good day and I look forward to speaking/hearing from you soon.
Best Wishes,
xxx
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Inexperienced Emailer:
You weren’t kidding when you said you were inexperienced! Your email is awkward, stiff, and, well, awkward. Emails to prospective dates should not be so formal, or appear to be copy/pasted, or appear to be written by Google translate for that matter.
Since you are writing to a prospect on 100hookup they know that something attracted you to them — so what was it aside from being told you’re a match? You shouldn’t be writing every single prospect an email, only the ones who fit the majority of your preferences and whom you’re attracted to. That said, you should write what it is that you’re attracted to that made the prospect worthy of your time and effort to write the email.
End the short email with a question that addresses something in their profile and shows that you want to get to know them better. You need to prove that you actually looked at their profile by writing both with a compliment and a question, being conversational and casual, and adding in a somewhat flirt tone as well.
Good luck!
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March 17th, 2015 at 3:03 pm
Well, I think that Tamar has pretty much said all that is needed to say “inexperienced Email-er”. However, I would like to give you a few honest observations as to why I think you wrote the email as you did, as well as maybe a bit of some manly perspective and brotherly advice.
Firstly and I had the chuckle. You really used the word research? This is not a science experiment dude.
1.Definitely read the prospective ladies profile…All of it please.Those email replies like yours come across either as weird/awkward which will never get u a date I promise you. Do not skim read as (stupid)males do which already shows a lack of interest. Skim reading is also a bad sign that you are not actually really wanting to date this girl, just have some lust interests. Show her you actually care and ask her about why she put in certain things into her profile and tell her what matches for you both. Please Please try this which is what I do…pretend you casually sending an email to someone on FB or anywhere like that. Be yourself, calm, happy, funny and chilled. you are the one trying to break the ice.
2. Do not pick the girls you know deep down would never date you. For what ever that reason is, that’s not important. Just as you spot them in the club, why is a dating site any different? Sending them an email in a hopeful dream world that lightning will strike you/ her like in the movies is just that….FANTASY HOLLYWOOD MOVIES.
3. If you truly like what you see on her profile based on attraction, morals, personality or any other aspect that relates to you, and the whole package, then make the move and email her with an open, friendly and casual tone and ALSO REMEMBER women I believe like men that know what they want and are confident within themselves.
Do not ask permission from her or when is good for her either in a way. Come across confident and give her specifics of what date you would like to take her on like location, what you going to be doing and when. Right there you have given her all she needs to make up her mind, AND IF SHE LIKES YOU SHE WILL SAY ‘YES’. If she accepts, you can then discuss what works for the both of you and alter the plans a bit.
4.A coffee shop date is very different night out than a dinner and dancing date, AND deciding where to invite her to, you get the info from her profile. You don’t want to send a lady that likes rock music to a classical music concert….battle lost. Also I always start off casual, so you can also mess it up by going too big too quickly. Take her for a walk as you know she walks on the beach daily…then progess to date 2 maybe a coffee and so it goes.
I am all about gaining trust and giving a chance.
IF SHE SAYS NO to your well thought out, confident AND to the point but being flirtatious and casual email, WHICH will SUCK, You need to count your losses or maybe she is busy on the day you proposed…but here is for me the clincher…
BUT IF SHE LIKES YOU AND YOUR PROFILE BACK, SHE WILL MAKE A PLAN TO SEE YOU ANOTHER TIME FOR DEFINITE! i PROMISE THAT!
REALITY AND BOTTOM LINE DUDE….NO REPLY NO INTEREST! AND YEAH IT SUCKS.
BUT REMEMBER THOUGH, YOU FAILED ONLY ONCE AND MAYBE ANOTHER LADIES PROFILE COMES UP, U EMAIL HER AFTER READING HER PROFILE, YOU HAVE LOTS IN COMMON AND SHE DOES AGREE, SO DON’T STRESS.
March 18th, 2015 at 7:09 pm
Your advice is good. However, no matter how uninspiring the e-mail, courtesy and regard for another’s feelings REQUIRE a response. Just because this is the anonymity of the internet does not excuse rude behavior. When someone writes, they are paying you a compliment. They are saying, “I think you are attractive” If someone said that to you at a social gathering, you would not ignore them. Don’t do it on the internet.
A simple, “Thank you, but No, thank you.” not, of course in those words, would suffice.
This goes for both men and women.