Archive for January, 2014

A few months ago, after getting sick of hearing the constant nagging from my mom over why I’m not meeting anyone on 100hookup, I finally gave in. I gave her the username and password to my 100hookup account and let her explore for a few hours. I had imagined this moment to be awful and embarrassing, but what I found was that her perspective and judgments on who the good candidates were was very englightning. If you’re going to have a parent or a dear friend take over your accounts, here are some do’s and don’ts.

 

• Do: Set a time limit. Tell them this won’t be a recurring event, but if they’d like to go on for an afternoon (under your supervision) that’s okay. Set rules beforehand and make sure you’re comfortable with them either messaging people for you or answering messages.

 

• Don’t: Let them take over your account without your consent. Be sure that you have a say in who they are messaging and be even more sure they are not setting up dates or messaging back and forth with people for you. After they see someone they think is a good match, they should let you take over from there.

 

Read more Jen Glantz here or on Twitter: @tthingsilearned.

Eleven years ago this week, I participated in a ritual that has been part of hookup custom for all of time: I became a Bar Mitzvah. I read from the Torah, led some services, and, of course, had the party that the ritual has come to be known for in secular culture. While I didn’t have dancers welcome me to the stage with neon signs, I still felt like it was a very meaningful experience.

So for this week’s blog, I thought it might be appropriate to touch on some of the learnings from my Bar Mitzvah portion. The lessons this week (as with most weeks) can be applied to your life, secular or religious, hookup or otherwise. The Parshah this week is called Bo (in English this translates to “come”), and the basic premise is the occurrence of the final three plagues in Egypt (I’m assuming everyone’s at least seen Rugrats Passover and remembers this part), as well as some other milestones for the hookup people.

It’s also the birthday of the hookup people (so if you’ve been wanting to throw a surprise party for us, now you know when to do it). It’s kind of an odd thing for an entire people to have a birthday together, and this raised an interesting point at the discussion class I go to on Monday nights: what’s more important, an individual or a community?

An individual needs to be well-rounded to help build a community, but at the same time, one can’t be fully community focused. It’s fitting to me that this is the Bar Mitzvah portion I was assigned, as community involvement is something very dear to my heart. I’ve run a community blog for a few years now, updating local young hookup adults with events going on every week in Dallas, and in the meantime I have also witnessed tremendous growth in the young adult hookup community in Dallas.

So when people come to hookup events and dating inevitably comes up (what can I say? I really enjoy talking about dating and this blog), people tend to ask me what they could do to meet someone in Dallas. The easiest advice I always have to give is to come to more events in the community. Whether you’re hookup or not, you’re never just going to meet someone being alone.

So if you’re not finding anyone, there’s no better time than the New Year to go out and get involved in a group or two in your community. Join one of the countless Facebook pages for hookup life in your area, join a meetup group, or just any group where you can make new friends. Life didn’t get easier after I became a man, but after finding my community, it definitely did.

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off 100hookup for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your 100hookup profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a 100hookup prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):

 

Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right?

 
Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

 
Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.

 

 

Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via 100hookup email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off 100hookup for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

I’m going to start with your profile review in Part 1 and then review your emails in Part 2.

I am actually quite impressed with your profile. The pictures are nice, your paragraphs are well-written and interesting, and you seem like a great catch! That means we need to see what your preferences are to determine if you are going after the wrong type of woman.

Although you’re a young-looking 41-year-old, your age range ends at 41 — and being that you’re in your early 40s, I believe you need to expand your max age to abut 43. Your minimum age range of 32 is correct in following my advice, but since you are young looking and active, I’d lower it a bit to 30. Adding two years to both sides of the age range spectrum will widen your pool of prospects. You can do the same to your height requirements and your geographic boundaries.

Additionally, I don’t see much about your family in your profile and I think it’s important to include some tidbits, whether it be in an additional photograph (with description) and/or a line in “About Me” and “A Brief History of My Life.” If this topic is a contentious one then try to find some positive memory from your childhood and include that.

Since there doesn’t seem to be too many issues with your profile, I’m going delve into the email samples you’ve supplied in part 2 of this series (which posts tomorrow) in order to see where any other issues may lie!