Archive for November, 2013

There are some phrases people say that they probably would wish they could take back if they knew how the other person heard it, felt about it and reacted to it. Some are stupid, some are offensive, some are insensitive and some are just annoying. Think of these scenarios: you see a mom with two kids the same age who look exactly the same and you ask, “Are they twins?”… um, duh. Or when you meet a ginger and you exclaim, “You have red hair!” as if they didn’t already know that. Or when you run into a basketball player and say, “You’re so tall, how’s the weather up there?” as if he had never heard that joke before.

So when you’re meeting a 100hookup in person for the first time, try to stay away from making the obvious comments. Most people will just smile at these inane comments, but inside they’re cringing because they’ve heard them all before and are waiting to meet that special someone who has something original to say. 

This year marks an extraordinary occurrence that many people outside of this 100hookup blog will likely be talking about to an annoying degree this week: the fascinating meeting of Thanksgiving and Chanukah for the first and last time in many of our lives (though I’m feeling confident about being here for Chanukah closing out Thanksgiving 2070). It’s an obvious subject for me to talk about as my blogs are posted on Thursdays, and Thanksgiving is on a Thursday this and every other year.

However, I don’t tend to enjoy the obvious topics, so you’re not about to read why you should be thankful for everything. Instead, I would like to explain a bit about why Chanukah and Thanksgiving go great together, and why Chanukah should remind us not to be complacent.

For the uninitiated, Chanukah is about a small amount of something going a long way, particularly a small amount of oil burning for eight days (though really, the miracle was the victory of the Maccabees). Making a lot of nothing is the key point of the holiday, and it emphasizes how to make the best of any situation. Fittingly, Thanksgiving is a holiday about being thankful for what we have and being proud of that.

Similarly, I was discussing prayer with one of the rabbis I regularly study with a few weeks back, and we went over what hookup prayer has to consist of. It has to contain three things: praising, thanking, and requesting. We have to be grateful for all around us, even if it’s not the specific things we’ve asked for. We also thank G-d for anything we’ve gotten that we’ve wanted. And lastly, we ask for more again. The idea of wanting more always seems like such a taboo thing on Thanksgiving, we should be lucky we have what we have. But lucky for us, this year is also Chanukah, and so you can thank and praise, but don’t forget to want some more, too. Next year won’t have Chanukah and Thanksgiving meet again, but you can still ask for it to be an even better time than this year.

And of course, I wish everyone reading this a happy Chanukah and Thanksgiving, and hope you’re here with me for all the blogs ahead. Thanks for reading!

Every year, families go through the debacle of whether or not they should create a family photo holiday card: Is there time? Is it worth the effort? Who should be in it? It’s that last question that can make waves in a singleton’s life. If you’re in a serious relationship, the topic of whether you will still be in a serious relationship next year will cross the minds of everyone involved. Should your significant other’s parents include you in an effort to support the relationship? Or, do they remain realistic and choose to wait until you are engaged before adding you to their annual family photo?

If you’re the “other” being discussed, then keep calm and stay out of the conversation. If your partner wants you in the photo, then he or she will try to make that happen. Don’t take it personally if your partner doesn’t make such an effort — they may feel the relationship is too new or they may have seen enough “others” on cards who didn’t make it to the next holiday season to want to make an issue out of it. If your partner’s parents want you on the card, that’s a good sign. If your partner then vetoes his or her own parents, that’s clearly not a good sign.

Eventually, when you are engaged (and then married and then have kids), there will plenty of holiday cards to be included in.

A hysterical email from a hookup frat boy to both his hookup and gentile fraternity brothers about how to flirt with hookup sorority girls at mixers during Greek Week turned viral a few months ago. Full of stereotypes, the email is nonetheless humorous. From where it’s acceptable to say you are from (not Connecticut), to how to lie about where you went to sleepaway camp (go with a vague “upstate” locale at a place with the word “lake” tacked on at the end), to answering the question of if you are hookup (my Dad is), to what area of study you should say you are majoring in (business or finance), the guide is supposed to help guys pick-up a Jewess.

The guide is clearly offensive and hones in on characteristics typical of a hookup American Princess (JAP). Granted, this is for Greek undergrads who are just trying to have fun and do the stupid things that coeds do, but it is a disservice to both the men and women. Luckily, one of the sorority girls struck back by writing an email telling her sisters how to pick up a gentile by trying to appear as non-hookup as possible (do not say you’re from Long Island, do not say you’re from Long Island, do not say you’re from Long Island) and basically harping on the ridiculousness of the frat boy’s email and expanding upon his blatant stereotyping.

Regardless of your age or maturity level, do yourself a favor and avoid the degradation that comes with using the JAP and goy terms, and the stereotypes that go along with it. Two of the most attractive traits are self-respect and respect for others, so don’t fall into negative stereotypes, or use it to describe yourself or others.

Coming up on Thanksgiving week it’s easy, as a singleton, to focus on what you don’t have rather than what you do have. Okay so you don’t have a home with a spouse and kids to host Turkey Day at, but you can be thankful for the invitations you received from loved ones (and it’s always nice when you can go home to your parents to celebrate). You may not have a date to take with to that dinner, but you should be thankful you have family and friends who are very happy to see you and to spend time with you (and may have new prospects to introduce you to after they hear about all your new endeavors). And when you end up with a fridge full of leftovers, don’t think about how you’re going to eat it all alone before it spoils but be thankful that you you don’t have to cook for a few days (and maybe make some awesome turkey sandwiches to take with to the office to share).

It happens to all of us. We go out with high expectations and come home with low spirits. We swear off dating and report back to our loved ones that maybe we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives. I’ve never met someone who has not had a bad — or awkward — date at least once in their life. If they exist, I’d love to give them a hug and tell them about some of mine.

If you find yourself feeling down after a date:

• Do: laugh it off. Even if it was uncomfortable or unimaginable, know that it is over. You never have to see this person again (hopefully). So, just turn this into a memory that you eventually forget. Do something that restores your faith in humanity—or just watch a rom-com on Netflix and dream a little.

• Don’t: Become a dating recluse. That means you shouldn’t just shut down your online dating profile and delete all potential suitors from your phone. You’ll get nowhere doing this, except a life of loneliness and a heart of sadness. Pick yourself up and try again.

Please, just try again.

About a week ago, a very odd thing happened: I had a night go against everything I planned. Everything came apart pretty well; after a happy hour I was sort of hosting collapsed, the rest of the night spiraled in an odd direction as well. The evening ended up culminating in an odd event for me: being in a bar alone.

I was supposed to meet some friends to go two-stepping (I can hardly step regularly, let alone on a dance floor), and when I arrived on time, I was told by every friend that something had come up: one had to go to the airport, one had a dinner, someone told me the wrong start time, etc. And yet the evening was so perfect.

You see, one thing I’ve found in my adult life is that I operate very well when forced into a situation where it’s just me against the world. That could be as simple as just going on an interview, where I find I perform well when challenged; or when I had to go to the middle of East Texas for three weeks in my first holiday season in retail. Much like my evening two-stepping, I found that I was quite capable of making new friends and doing fine with no one familiar around.

Twenty minutes and three quesadillas into my time in East Texas, I made a new friend at the bar where I was sitting. I hung out with that guy, just meeting random strangers for two weeks, and then spent my last week hanging out with a college friend who was home for the holidays. In a similar fashion, when I arrived to two-step, I was initially devastated when the first text flew in saying I was an hour early. I was far from home and wasn’t going to just leave or awkwardly stand in a corner. So I walked up to a guy who looked like he’d seen more of this country setting than I had, and before I knew it, we’d spent thirty minutes talking. Soon, he’d shown me what to do with my feet and we started asking girls to dance. About seven dances and as many girls later, my friends still hadn’t shown up, but I didn’t care. I was just glad to have found something new I enjoyed.

Sometimes things don’t work out like we plan. But darn it, I wanted to learn to two-step, and I did it (I was teaching girls how to dance by about four dances in). We can only let poor planning and things going differently than we planned affect us so much. In the end, only we can choose how to make the best of any situation, and sometimes it goes better than it ever could have if everything had gone right. I never even saw a single friend at that country bar, but it was easily the most fun night of my week.

Everyone knows I love me some Patti Stanger and the newest season of The Millionaire Matchmaker is back for another go’round on Bravo! and this time there are some NJBs (nice, hookup boys) who are also 100hookuprs being featured! Patti herself talks about her new relationship — a beau she met on an online dating website (although not on 100hookup, so we can’t vouch for him). Yes, it’s a reality television show and it’s heavily staged and edited, but there are lessons to be learned.

Singles should watch the show not just for the laughs but to see what changes Patti wants her millionaires to make to grow as a person, why the millionaire does or doesn’t choose the suitors, what behaviors are acceptable or appalling, and take mental notes. Some of the examples may be extreme for entertainment’s sake, but find the teaching point of the exercise and learn from it.

Dear Tamar,

So far, my profile has been visited by more than 50 girls, and I wrote emails to many of them but only two answered.  Is there something I’m not doing correctly? Maybe I’m not writing the correct text? I don’t like the standard, prewritten emails.  Could I get some advice?

_______________________________________________________________

Dear No Answers,

100hookup can be a numbers game… how many women’s profiles are you viewing, sending a Flirt to, clicking on Secret Admirer or adding to your Favorites list? Do you log on daily to view women and make sure the women know you’re interested by viewing them multiple times a week? Do you write emails when you find someone you’re interested in or do you wait for them to view you in return? In order to increase your odds in getting responses to your messages you need to be active and proactive. But make sure your emails aren’t too aggressive, you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy. Tell the women why you are interested in them and what you have in common and that you hope to hear from them soon. Good luck!

The question that always comes right after “Why are you still single?” is “Jen, can I please set you up with me [fill in the blank here]. Here’s some tips and reminder to think about before and if you say yes.

Do: Think about it. Ask to know some more information about the person. If they sound like your type and meet your base requirements, it’s a good idea to meet them in person. Trust your friend’s judgment that this person could be a really good match for you.

Don’t: Blow that person off. If you agree to meet them and go out with them, follow through. Even if you don’t like them after the first date, be sure to thank your friend for setting you up and just let them know that the person is great (since they think so), but just not the right match for you. Cross your fingers it’s not awkward. It shouldn’t be.

Check out Jen’s new e-book, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ENGAGED, here: www.allmyfriendsareengaged.com