Archive for May, 2012

Watching the Survivor finale and people winning immunity made me think of dating. I’m laughing as I write this because it’s ridiculous to compare a reality TV show game to real-life, but dating can feel like a race to the finish line. The difference is that you don’t want to be the “sole” survivor of this game, but rather end up with a lifelong partner in the end (see: Boston Rob and Amber). And you are not going to be able to be immune to the difficulties of dating. Dating is tough, dating can suck at times, but dating is a means to an end so try as hard as you can to have fun while you’re at it. Dating is going to hurt and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, and if you try to be immune to your emotions then you’re going to fail.

I’ve written about this before, but the topic of the 100hookup profile one-liner came up again recently as I was speaking with a few single girlfriends. The one-liner I’m talking about is not the one you hear at the bar, but rather the one which shows up on the computer during your 100hookup searches. It’s the couple of words which appear next to your photo with your screen name, age and location, particularly when you’re a Spotlight Member. So these words are very important.

One person told me she even would count the number of characters which show up in that one-liner and then crafted the first line of her About Me paragraph to fit in that space. Brilliant! There’s about 60 characters in that line – less than half of a tweet – but it’s enough to say something unique, smooth and attention grabbing. It is not the place to say your name, age or location, since those items are already posted with your photo.

Say something witty, funny, enlightening, eye-catching. Use your words -and letters- wisely. Bounce the idea off of a number of people first, if need be, or even post it on Facebook and ask for feedback. Just make sure it’s not boring or cringe-worthy or an incomplete sentence. It seems like it should be easy, but it’s worth taking the time to develop because it truly is the first words 100hookuprs will read about you.

If you want to get girls to like you, you can’t just be likable. You have to practice. You can’t just practice in the mirror because the mirror will love you, but the world won’t.

Start with places where you buy food. See what works and what doesn’t. Try your cute mannerisms on the woman (or man) behind the counter. If you’ve got new material, this is the place to try it. If you’re wearing jeans, casually put your left hand in your pocket. See if that garners any attention. If it doesn’t, try the right hand. Ask her how her day is going. If she answers unfavorably, it’s either because your question isn’t working or because she just hates her job. If it’s the former, try to revise your question the next day. Go for minimalism. Just say, ‘hi’.

For the lady working behind the counter at dinner, take another approach. Be the over-confident guy. Hold up the line while you continuously talk to her, whilst never taking your eyes off hers. When the guy behind you tells you to move, defend your honor! Show her that you’re not a pushover. Ask her out in front of all of the angry people behind you. Sure they will roll their eyes, and may spit on you, but it will be spits of respect.

Do this so much that it becomes second nature whenever you’re in public. I don’t see any potential drawbacks to this at all. Don’t necessarily hit on every girl you see. Just work out all of your quirks and pay attention to what works. The absolute worst that can happen is that you will alienate everybody in your life and will die alone.

However, do not practice your flirting at work. This is dangerous, and really is the best literal manifestation of a lose-lose situation. When you get rejected, you lose a date. When you get rejected at work, you lose a date and a job.

I’m always nostalgic around college graduation time. Looking back, it’s truly amazing (not to be confused with the plain old “amazing” that’s applied to everything else) how my Bachelor’s Degree unexpectedly prepared me for the real world… the one in which I’ve so far, at least, remained a bachelor.

I still remember my courses… Intro to Lack of Commitment… Advanced Lack of Commitment…The first one was so effective, it took me awhile to commit to the second one.

Intro to Becoming Engaged in your Career. Intro to Staying Married to your Career. Intro to Ms. Right, On Second Thought, Maybe Not.

But I still hold out hope of one day settling down with my better half. I learned that being the sole master of your universe isn’t healthy… from my Masters Degree.

So what happens when you meet someone new that you like and eventually start dating, but you can’t get another prospect out of your head? My friend Jessica is dating Rick and she likes him a lot, he’s awesome in fact. But she can’t get this other Marc out of her head. She went on a couple of dates with Marc but hasn’t heard from him in a few weeks. Yet she can’t get him out of her mind. Maybe it’s because of the rejection – or the lack of rejection – or maybe it’s because she felt really good chemistry with Marc and is now comparing that feeling with everyone else. The problem here is that Jessica doesn’t have a future with Marc. I’m not saying she should settle for Rick but it’s not fair to compare him to someone who isn’t a true contender. When a prospect is gone, forget about him or her and move on, otherwise you’ll just be holding yourself back from possibly meeting someone great!

Nothing.

Sit in the back and do not say a word until you leave the karaoke bar.

Keep ordering and drinking beers with your friends until you are completely confident that you are the best singer in the place. Don’t worry about the 60-year-old woman’s hauntingly beautiful rendition of Sarah McLachlan’s Angel. You could totally destroy that crap with your version of Limp Bizkit’s Nookie.

After killing it, you walk off the stage like you own the place. You mistake people’s polite ‘please leave the building’ smiles for silent ‘your version of Limp Bizkit has restored my faith in humanity’ smiles. You assume that the cute waitress is now ignoring you because she is so nervous and no longer knows how to say, “Beer?”

You drunkenly text a girl you went out on a date once. She has to hear you sing Metallica tonight. I learned a good tip the next day. If you do send a drunken text to a girl, do not include the word Metallica. If you’re going to piss her off, at least have the decency to include some sort of good music. For example, a drunken text that simply reads ‘the Beatles’ probably can’t hurt much. “The Beatles,” she’ll think. “They’re pretty good. I should probably go out with this guy again.”

When a guy courts a woman on his best behavior, he’s running for office.

After she agrees to start seeing him, he’s secured the nomination.

After he suggests sitting home and watching a movie in lieu of going out, he’s begun easing off of his earlier campaign rhetoric. (He’s also moved to the center… of the couch.)

As for moving in together, that’s when he’s elected.

Finally, in order to get things accomplished, he compromises.

I’m Andy Cowan, and I approve this message.

1. RIP MCA

Adam Yauch, one-third of the pioneering hip-hop group the Beastie Boys, died at the age of 47 last Friday. Yauch, also known as MCA, had been in treatment for cancer since 2009. Yauch, whose mother was hookup, was diagnosed in 2009 after discovering a tumor in his salivary gland.

The rapper’s death quickly spread across the Internet last Friday, and the tributes that flooded Twitter showed the impact his music had on artists from all areas of entertainment. Actor Jonah Hill Tweeted, “I’m filled with so much sorrow to hear about the world losing Adam Yauch. He was such a beautiful person and artist. My heart is broken.”

2. Amanda Bynes In Trouble Again

Amanda Bynes, who was previously arrested for driving under the influence, got into another car accident over the weekend, but this time it was much less serious.

The hookup actress, who is 26 years old, was pulled over by police in West Hollywood last Friday afternoon after she allegedly scraped her SUV against another vehicle while driving. She wasn’t given a citation, but officers did take a collision report. According to TMZ, Bynes told police that she was unaware that she had sideswiped the driver.

3. Debra Messing Is Not Sold On Marriage

Debra Messing is opening up on her new house, new work projects and new personal life! The hookup actress recently filed for divorce from her husband of 10 years, Daniel Zelman, and immediately began dating her Smash costar, Will Chase.

Messing says she and Zelman remain “good friends,” but will not talk about what caused the divorce after 10 years of marriage, only saying that 10 years is a “very long time.”

“I think the idea of a partner for life is incredibly romantic.” Messing tells Ladies Home Journal. “But now we’re living to 100. A hundred years ago people were dying at age 37. ‘Til death do us part was a much different deal.”

Dear Tamar,

I feel when I email someone for the 1st time, it’s always a lame question. What should I be asking and how many questions should I ask?

Thank you,
What to Ask in an Email

Dear What to Ask in an Email,

Start off an email by telling the prospect what it was about them that attracted you, what made them stand out and what compelled you to write them. Mention a few similarities. You don’t need to ask any question, except for: would you be interested in getting together? There’s no need to start exchanging pleasantries via email because you already know so much about each other from your 100hookup profiles and you need to leave whatever is left of the typical first date chat for the first date.

You know when you’re going through a bad break-up and you’re driving along and that certain tear-inducing song comes on the radio? All of a sudden your cheeks are wet and one of those corner of your lips are turned down into a frown, quivering, and you can’t help but let out the ugly cry, sob actually, and you just start wailing while singing along to “Un-Break My Heart.” Yeah that. We’ve all been there. Don’t deny it. It’s healthy. Let it out. And know that one day you will be in a happy place again, and one day you will hopefully be in love again – except this time for real -and then another love song – this time a happy one, like “Lucky” – will start playing on the radio and you will cry tears of joy with your lips curled up in a smile because you never thought you’d ever feel so much love and how stupid were you to think that the last guy was the one when this one is so much more! If that hasn’t happened for you yet, it will. You may have to have a couple more ugly cries before you meet the one who will help you have a happy cry but it will come, one day.