Archive for February, 2012

We’ve all noticed the stock blank response in 100hookup profiles, “will tell you later.” You want to know my income? I’ll tell you later. That is, unless you don’t respond to my profile, in which case, I won’t be telling you later.

In order to properly zero in on the perfect candidates, I’d like Ms. Right to have another option: “Will not tell you later.”

Crazy dream I had last night I alone find interesting: Will not tell you later

Why I’m always right and you’re always wrong: Will not tell you later

The times I’m kissing you and fantasizing about somebody else: Will not tell you later

Stop hogging the blanket: Will not tell you later

Wow, this woman sounds like a dream… a dream crazy enough not to tell you about later.

Can a Cowboy and a City Girl make it work? Does a Southern Belle fit with a Surfer Dude? You see where I’m going here… do opposites attract? They can, and they do. But making it work long term is something else. You have to have commonalities, and more than a few if possible.

The hardest decision you may face is where to live — country, city, suburbs, urban, ocean — who gets to be in their comfort zone? Who has to compromise? And how will the person who compromises be repaid in the end? Should there even be rewards in a relationship — isn’t a successful relationship reward enough? Living accommodations aside, there will be other hurdles that opposites will have to jump, over and over again — but a couple who has a good foundation should be able to conquer anything if they want to.

A relationship is always going to be work, a lot of hard work, and you have to decide how much effort you want to put forth. Is it worth it, or would you rather keep looking for someone with whom you have more in common?

You click with a 100hookupr, go out on a couple dates and a photo op presents itself. So you snap away and capture the moment on film, er, your iPhone. But what now? What do you do with said photo? It’s super cute, you look great, your date is hot, but who is going to see it? You’re not an official couple yet so you can’t post it on Facebook. So what do you with this symbol of, well, potential?

Many years ago pre-Mrs., I had my first Facebook break-up where I had to un-tag and remove photos of me and an ex. That wasn’t fun. And as quick as I was, and as Facebook-savvy as I was in deleting any News Feed items, I still wished I had kept that non-relationship under wraps a little while longer. I had learned my lesson. Until it was more serious I would not be publicizing any romantic endeavors.

When I met my husband we took photo after photo. And I stored each photo until we became official. First, I printed out the pictures and carried them around with me. I would sneak glances at them and smile, and when people would ask me why I was quitting my job and moving halfway around the world, I would proudly flash the 5x7s. Finally, we discussed becoming Facebook official (it was a quick conversation — the answer was yes from the both of us) and then I finally posted them on Facebook… and printed and framed them to display in our new shared apartment.

Take it slow. A simple act such as posting an innocent photo can start a conversation you may not be ready to have.

This Week’s Top Three Tweet-Worthy Events From Jews Who Make News

1. Amy Winehouse Wins Posthumous Grammy

Amy Winehouse won a Grammy® award for “Best Pop Performance by a Duo” for her duet with Tony Bennett last Sunday. The hookup singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, accepted the award for Winehouse who died last year at the age of 27, following a battle with drugs and alcohol.

The Grammys congratulated Winehouse on their Twitter feed by writing, “Congratulations to Best Pop Duo/Group Performance winner Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse “Body and Soul” #GRAMMYs @itstonybennett.”

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt Becomes A Triple Threat

We all know Joseph Gordon-Levitt can act, but it turns out he can write and direct as well. The hookup actor will direct and co-star alongside Scarlett Johansson in a new film he wrote.

The movie is set to begin filming this spring. In the meantime, Gordon-Levitt is taking to Twitter to show off some of his other writing pursuits in this Valentine’s Day Tweet, “And now, a TINY STORY for Valentines Day… https://tmblr.co/ZfxHVyGQdvmz #BelieveInTinyStories #HAPPYVALENTINES ♥♥♥.”

3. Shatner Beams Down To Broadway

On Thursday, William Shatner opened his new one-man show, “Shatner’s World: We Just Live In It.” The show is an all-encompassing look at the hookup actor’s career which spans Shakespearean roles to the part of Captain James T. Kirk in Star Trek and beyond.

The 80-year-old actor will appear at the Music Box Theatre in New York for nearly three weeks before taking his show on a national tour. On Tuesday, Shatner Tweeted, “OK Broadway here I am! My best, Bill.” Looks like Broadway is Shatner’s final frontier.

What happens when the thing you exclusively write about no longer exists? This problem happened today, and I am writing through it the best I can.

I can’t, nor do I want to, detail the specifics. However, you should know that the job I’ve currently had for the past six months, and which has already been incredibly stressful, was, and is, put into jeopardy today. None of the reasons why it was put into jeopardy were my fault. Believe me, if they were, I would admit it here. I’ve said many horrible things here, and most of them have been about myself. I don’t know why I’m trying to convince you that this isn’t my fault. First, you probably don’t care. Second, you’re probably not reading this. Third, there’s always the off chance that my boss is an avid JBlog reader, though I have reasons to believe she’s not. For example, she doesn’t give me pointers on how many days I should wait before calling a date that you think went well but weren’t sure anymore.

So, I’m leaving work, and everything gets blurry. I start stressing about how I’ll be able to pay for gas for a car that I guess I won’t need to use anymore in the first place.

Now I’m sitting here, dreading a first date I have tomorrow. I have to go out and be friendly and pleasant and charming while at the same time have the burden of losing my job in my head. It’s a good thing there’s beer, because I’m way too young to start heroin again.

On the eve of Presidents’ Day Weekend, what better time to posit this: If the chief executive garners 55% approval, he’s doing pretty well. If 45% hate his guts, he’s basically a winner. So how come we need to approve closer to 100% of the qualities of our dating candidates? After all, it’s not like they have the power to destroy the world. Just an evening.

In honor of the holiday, this weekend try loosening the restrictions on your 100hookup laundry lists. Toss out your old images of Mr. or Ms. Right. 45% of his or her qualities repel you? Congrats! He or she is a keeper!

And guys, whether you grow up to be President or not, may 100hookup help you meet your first lady… who just might become your last lady.

Don’t you hate it when your ex gets married, gets a promotion, or just plain looks goooooood? It makes your blood boil, right? Especially when you’re in the exact same place as you were when you broke up. This is not a reflection of you, so try not to take it personally or beat yourself up over it. Maybe this is the kick in the tush you need to finally go after that hottie or that job or that haircut. It freaking sucks in the meantime, but use it for good, not evil. Even if you’ve moved on, it still might burn. But if you’re single, and your ex always pops up on 100hookup and then you hear he or she has moved on and suddenly their profile POOF! disappears, it’s gonna sting. Wallow in your self pity for bit, and then paste a smile on your face and carry on. Letting your ex’s success get the best of you will only make your desire to meet your Beshert seem like retaliation rather than authentic.

The night before this year’s Valentine’s Day is turning out to be exactly like the ones ten to fifteen years ago. I spent the night scrambling to drugstores looking for cheap candy that I can give out to people so that they will like me. Though last decade, they were aimed at girls in my classes, and this year, they are aimed at making my five-year-old students like me, the thought is the same. I can be a horrible person all the time, but somehow if I give people a tiny amount of chocolate one time a year, they will just like me so much.

I actually ended up at the exact same Walgreens I spent Valentine’s Eve, 2002. Though this time I also had to buy anti-anxiety prescription drugs, everything else was the same: deodorant, orange juice, and a shitload of chocolate. I think that I need to reevaluate my life every ten years, return to the same Walgreens, and buy Valentine chocolates for a brand new demographic of people. Maybe on Valentine’s Eve, 2022, I will re-return to Walgreens to buy Valentine candies for all of the people who live under the freeway with me. I will find love somewhere!

Okay, it’s here. The day you’ve all been looking forward to. If you’re a florist or dentist. The day we can finally stop noticing Hallmark displays that kvell over affection that nearly equals my passion for looking the other way in response to public displays of affection. Update: Hallmark just replaced them with Passover cards. Why live in the present when you can live in the warm and fuzzy near future?

Months ago I recorded Valentine’s Day, the movie, because venting while watching something you suspect will get on your nerves can be therapeutic. I’ve yet to set foot near it. Why do I diss both the holiday and the movie I’ve not yet seen? Because I’m not currently running slow motion through a field of daisies, that’s why.

The first time audiences watched people running slow motion through a field of daisies: “Aww. They must be in love. How sweet.” The second and subsequent times audiences watched people running slow motion through a field of daisies: “Hope this popcorn tub doubles as a vomit bag.”

I’m done venting. Have fun tonight, all you observers of the holiday. For the rest of you – happy Passover.

What do you want to change about yourself, your life, and what are you waiting for to finally make those changes? A friend of mine was ready to buy a home but was waiting for her boyfriend to ask her to move in. Another friend wanted to chop 16 inches off her hair but couldn’t forget the ex who told her that men like women with their hair long. One guy I know desperately wants to change his career, but his girlfriend doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Then there are the people I know who want to be in a relationship but aren’t willing to admit they need to change some things about themselves — to grow up and mature — even though they know deep down inside they need to change those things to become a better person on the inside.

Why should we wait for someone else to either change our lives for us or to keep us complacent? So what if my friend buys a condo just for her boyfriend to ask her to marry him the next day? She can lease the place for a few years. If my friend wants to donate her hair to locks of love and then meets a guy who loves long hair, well guess what?, it will grow back. If that guy doesn’t do what he’s passionate about for a living, he will resent his girlfriend forever, so either she supports him, or he needs to move on. Finally, it’s really difficult to look inside and see the things you need to change about yourself, but wouldn’t you rather figure them out for yourself than have someone else point them out to you? And wouldn’t you rather do the work while you’re single rather than in a relationship? And don’t you see how you’ll probably attract your Beshert once you’ve bettered yourself?

Change. It is a comin’.