Archive for August, 2011

Dear Tamar,

I’m interested in xxxxxxx in New York, but I’m out of her age range & I live in California. Can you please make the match?

Dear Out of Range,

Although I’d love to make a match, I don’t know either of you personally to do so, sorry. But I think if you’re really interested in her you should write her an email and let her know all of the things about her that lead you to believe you would make a great match even though you’re out of her age range and location. If you haven’t already, change your profile to indicate that you’re willing to move so that when she checks you out she sees that you’re flexible — and if you’re checking out women in other cities then I’m hoping it’s because you are willing to move. If she responds and you begin a conversation then spend time getting to know each other online and on the phone but try and plan a trip out to see her as soon as possible so you can see how you are together in person (just get a hotel and if the feeling isn’t mutual then go sightseeing instead!).

I am reaching a critical point in my life. My job affords me enough money to possibly buy a new car, yet I am morally opposed to buying something when I can just as easily not buy it and have a lot more money. I drive a 1997 Volvo S90. It is fantastic. It provides every luxury demanded by my cosmopolitan lifestyle. Namely, the air conditioning works and the wheels turn.

I started thinking, though, that in order to date successfully, I should get a car that isn’t the personification of my lifetime of shortcomings. Maybe there’s more to life than a functional air conditioner and an AM/FM radio. I don’t want to be that guy with all the high tech gadgets like tinted windows and power steering. I got so caught up in the comfort of American amenities that I forgot who I was inside. I don’t need a working radio or seatbelts in order to live. I need seatbelts that are approved by some government organization.

Assuming that I decide to buy a new car, I will have to cut back on my already cut back lifestyle. First, I will have to cut my three meals a day to one Snickers bar a day. I will have to stop texting and talking on my phone. My parents will have to go a few years before knowing that I am okay. Also, I will have to go a little while with no health, life, or car insurance. I think it will be alright if I find the love of my life and don’t die in the process.

For those of you who have been reading this blog consistently, you are probably aware of a blog I wrote in which I performed a little experiment on how many messages a beautiful girl would receive.

To rehash, a beautiful friend of mine made a profile on another site, was wearing a bikini, and received over 100 messages in an hour.

After this little experiment, which didn’t surprise me at all to say the least, I decided to try another little experiment.  The same girl agreed to create another profile, only this time, she was not wearing a bikini, but was dressed much more business like, with her hair up, and less makeup.

Same beautiful girl, different looks.

The results?  Less than half of the messages in the same time frame!

This once again re-enforces the fact, men are visceral creatures!  It may seem unfair ladies, but if you want to attract men, your profile pictures have to draw them in!

Dear Tamar,

I want to know definitively and once and for all, should I answer messages if I’m not interested? I get so many different answers from people. My gut tells me yes, it’s only kind and decent. What do I say when I’m not interested but don’t want to hurt feelings?

Dear To Answer Or Not To Answer,

You’re right, it is only kind and decent and you should answer. You don’t absolutely have to, but you should because it’s the Golden Rule or Karma or whatever you want to call it — what goes around comes around and you don’t want to be the one left hanging after you took the chance of writing someone.

As to what you should say, well, try starting with something along these lines: “I’m flattered but…” or “Thanks so much but…” or “I appreciate your interest but…” and then end with something along these lines: “I just met someone” or “I just started dating someone” or “I’m looking for someone/something different” and then say “thank you again though and good luck.” Be nothing but compassionate, polite and respectful.

I was perusing 100hookup for a single friend in a very general way (30 year old females in Manhattan) and I was only clicking on photos which caught my eye and were his type (petite, dark and exotic). Out of the hundreds I looked at only 12 stood out for the right reason. But for the most part I was appalled by page after page after page of piss poor profile pictures. I’m not even talking about the supporting photos, just the ones that show up in the search as a thumbnail. This is THE MOST important picture, so why are men and women alike using totally inappropriate photos?

Your profile picture SHOULD NOT:
1. include sunglasses or a hat
2. include other people or pets
3. be taken from a long distance away
4. be blurry (obvious, but you’d be surprised)
5. show you looking anywhere but at the camera

Your profile picture should basically be a headshot — your face, with a smile, filling up the screen. And your eyes should be, in the words of Tyra Banks, smizing. Your eyes should express happiness and invite me to click on your profile to learn more about you and see your other pictures.

If you ever feel that you are the odd one out at your place of work, consider this: You might feel awkward, but before you pre-diagnose yourself the black sheep, remember that no matter how awkward you feel the first day of work, it is nowhere near what I felt as a teaching assistant on the first day of kindergarten in an inner-city school.

Work technically started last week, but I didn’t really get a good taste of awkward until Monday (yesterday), when the children arrived. As I am not accustomed to areas not conditioned by air, it only got worse as the children flooded in. I found myself standing in a sea of very tiny children, dripping in sweat, simultaneously trying to tell the kids where to go and also trying to not die of dehydration. The next part of the day took place in the actual classroom, and it was air conditioned, thank my hookup deity. However, I was still so overcome by the heat that my sweat continuously dripped onto the poor children until the next hour, when I had enough time to change clothes.

Then came lunch. Of course, I didn’t get to eat until after the children did. While manning the lunchroom, I quickly discovered the reason why America is obese. The answer lies somewhere in the giant hot dog, bowl of melted cheese sprinkled with broccoli, chocolate milk, and ice cream sundae for dessert. Though I would usually not be tempted by public school lunches, I had yet to eat my own lunch. Those under-cooked hot dogs lying in a stale bun, overcome with ketchup, was maybe the most delicious looking thing I had seen since I saw the school’s breakfast, which I will not disgust you by describing. I will only say that it involved sausage, cheese, and scrambled eggs mixed together in a way nothing should ever be mixed.

Though it’s only been one day, I have a new respect for teachers and really anyone who works in schools. I’d say about 67% of the women on this site that I date are teachers and I now think of them in a whole new way. It is not a cushy job and it requires all of your attention all of the time. The least I can do is show a little attention myself.

So now I’m back home from my first day of kindergarten. I will never again take clean sheets for granted again.

Dear Tamar,

I am about to be divorced. When I start dating and my date enquires why I am divorced, how much does one tell them before they are put off? My soon to be ex husband is a substance abuser and ruined our lives. Do I go into detail about this or not? Will it reflect badly on who I am? Please help!

Dear Divorce Drama Disclosure,

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You only need to say that you’re divorced and that’s it. When it gets serious with someone then you can go into detail and divulge your past, but for now keep it to yourself. Your ex’s problems don’t make you look bad because it has nothing to do with you and I hope that you don’t let it effect your confidence as you begin a new chapter in your life. Not every guy is a substance-abusing jerk who wants to hurt you and I hope you’re open to eventually trusting a new man.

Dear Tamar,

I am having difficulty meeting men in the city of Boynton Beach, FL where I live and I’m not a barfly.  So, I’m turning to 100hookup for a little help. I have been divorced for 5 years now and am definitely ready to be your next success story! Could you please give me any helpful advice/tips on how to make this a successful dating experience?  Do I need to make the first move?  Should something in my profile be changed? I would appreciate ANY advice/help to make this successful and a fantastic experience.  I will be joining within the next couple days. I look forward to hearing from you and thank you in advance for your help!

Dear Next Success Story,

I appreciate your eagerness to seek help. I know you’re not a barfly but find out when there’s going to be 100hookup event in your area for starters. Be honest about your divorce both on 100hookup and on dates but don’t give too much information too soon. Keep the details to a care minimum. Once you create your profile, go through all of your matches and start using the tools to Flirt! and so on in order to let the guys know you’re interested. Make sure you’re preferences are realistic but not too narrow. I think you’re enthusiasm will help you land a lot of dates quickly!

A doctor friend of mine is pulling these crazy shifts and I wonder how she ever has time to date since she’s catching up on sleep constantly. She’s on 100hookup and checks her smart phone for messages and flirts when she’s in the on-call room, but I have no idea when she plans on ever actually going on a 100hookup. If you want to meet your Beshert and get married, then dating needs to be a priority. Obviously my friend can’t do anything about her schedule, but she can get creative with her dates. I’m sure any guy (and gal) would be impressed to date a doctor, so how about having your date come to the hospital to meet you for lunch in the cafeteria? Unless you want to keep going home to an empty, cold house you’ve got to figure out how to date no matter what your profession is.

One thing I had to remind myself of recently is that it is critical to take note of behavior patterns from the very beginning.

There are often times when a first date goes pretty well.  The laughter is there.  The attraction is being built.  The person you are dating seems like a good girl.

But theres that one tiny little thing at the very end of the night that just keeps you wondering, “Hmmm, “I loved everything, but why did she say that?”  Or, “Why did she do that?”

These minuscule moments may have even bothered you.  For example, perhaps your date said something that seemed overly clingy for a first date, or came across as nagging.

Although this may have been a fleeting 10 second moment, these are critical moments to take into account.  Behaviors that only appear in small doses or flashes in the very beginning of knowing someone, only get worse and worse as time goes on.

So the next time you are on a date, do not just dismiss behaviors that seem small.  Take into account that observing behavior patterns early on could be very important down the road.