Archive for March, 2011

Back in the Kibitz Corner, we asked 100hookuprs®, “What drives you completely crazy?”

 Keep in mind, “crazy” can be interpreted a few different ways.  Here are some interesting answers!

• A passionate kiss with the right partner.

7995295, 37, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Boston, MA

• When someone passes you on the highway, then slows down in front of you for no apparent reason. The left lane is the FASTER lane people!

silverblur07, 26, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Savannah, GA

• When people pronounce “temperature” as “temp-a-cher”

118966484, 25, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Denver, CO

• When using ketchup and the liquid comes out because I forgot to shake the bottle!!

GenuineGuy, 36, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Hoboken, NJ

• People who refuse to make plans. I’m spontaneous and adventurous but, when it comes to women and dating, can we please set aside some time for our next date?

millerthe…, 25, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Boston, MA

• People in my neighborhood who are still lighting up their Christmas lights at night. I can’t think of any reason why unless they’re celebrating tax season!

LevanahBlue, 57, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, Long Lake, MN

• When you need to get a hold of a company and the number given just rings and rings and rings and you know it is the right number but no one answers…if you hang up the whole process repeats!

hockeyaz98, 24, Single, Man seeking a Woman, West Bloomfield, MI

• Bad guacamole.

HelloWorl…, 20, Single, Man seeking a Woman, La Jolla, CA

• Overuse of the phrase, “Having said that…”

MarcWithaC, 26, Single, Man seeking a Woman, New York, NY

• When two hangers get caught together. For some reason this drives me nuts…it’s weird, I know.

Artinthecity, 25, Single, Woman seeking a Man, Chicago, IL

Instant messaging is one of the most advanced forms of online dating.  It requires quick thinking and the ability to sustain high levels of interest amongst great competition.

Most men mistakenly believe that the line you open with is the most important aspect of an instant messaging conversation.  The truth of the matter is, it is actually what comes after the instant message opener that really matters most.

The basic reason for this is that if a woman decides to open your instant message, odds are she will write back at least a courtesy response or hello.  It is after this initial response that it is time to play ball.

The follow-up needs to be something that will ignite immediate interest, build attraction levels and win over your potential date.  Instant messaging is a fast and furious game where women will lose interest if the pick up is not done correctly.

The only way this is done is by learning effective transition techniques and story builders that allow these things to happen naturally during the course of an online pick-up.   Not only should learning how to transition be treated with utmost importance, but a successful online dater learns how to amp up the excitement more and more as each moment passes by.

Think of online pick-ups as an emotional snowball.  We want the emotional highs to get bigger and bigger as we roll that snowball down hill.

This should be done throughout three of the four stages of instant message game, until we finally begin to build higher comfort levels.

I’m out of room for today.  More next time!

Movies have a strange power.  For me, the worse the film, the better I feel about myself after I leave.  For example, after watching Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, I had the most fantastic day.  I think it is because bad movies give the viewer a skewed perception of reality, whereas good films either closely reflect real life or are so good at reimagining a fictional universe that the viewer cannot even begin to picture such a fantastic, fictional world.  A good example of a good recent film is Inception.  I couldn’t bond with the characters because I had no idea when the film takes place.  Everyone dresses like it’s the 1950s, but also there is a machine that lets people share the same dream.  I can’t identify with any of that.

I just got back from seeing a movie called Just Go With It. I saw it with a female friend and I think that we were the only two people in the theater that weren’t on a date.  Of course, maybe everybody was with a platonic friend of the opposite sex while assuming that everyone else was on a date.  Either way, it was depressing.  It was so clearly a date movie and I was so clearly not on a date.  The movie was not very good, but romantic comedies always give me an extra boost of confidence for about half an hour after the film ends.  If Adam Sandler, who today is 67 years old, can win over a really hot blonde and Jennifer Aniston, maybe I can find the confidence to call a girl and ask her to a bad movie.

So, immediately after the happy ending of the movie, I went straight to my phone.  I called a girl that I never had the guts to ask out.  She picked up and sounded very ill.  I freaked out and asked what was wrong, and she eloquently told me that it was 3 am on a Tuesday night.  Time!  I never think of time!  Why did I see a midnight showing of an awful movie on a work night?  But I’m still on the phone, and I am not going to back down this time.  So I ask her out, knowing she will agree because she is half asleep.  The next day I play back the tape of us talking because I apparently tapped the phone line* because I knew she wouldn’t believe that she agreed to a date with me.  Apparently, tapping a phone line and harassing people in the middle of the night are not the way to a girl’s heart.  They are, however, a horrible way to win a date that will end up being extremely uncomfortable.  I suddenly wake up and realize that this entire scenario was a dream that I had so that I would have backup material in order to write an impromptu blog post that won’t offend anybody.  Then I wake up again and realize that it was all a dream within a dream, and that I am actually the President of the United States.  I veto a few bills and go to bed.

*Can you even tap a cell phone?  I don’t even know how to tap a real phone.

Being single isn’t easy. When you are in a relationship there are times when you look around and perceive that all of your single friends are having the time of their lives, which causes you to feel envious – however I promise you that for one of those fun-filled crazy nights, there are ten nights when we are alone and wish we had someone to greet us when we walk in the door after a long day, lounge with us on the couch with and fall asleep next to.

In the past I have all too often taken too many of the little perks of relationships for granted, and it is only now that I’ve been single for an extended period of time, that I realize how much I miss those things. The feeling of love and security that being in the right relationship gives us is something that a million crazy single nights can never match, which is why people are drawn to relationships and most look to settle down when they believe they have found the right person.

The search for the right person and relationship isn’t necessarily an easy one, and how long it takes varies for each individual. Sometimes, even though we are positive that we’ve found that perfect relationship, it slips through our fingers due to any number of circumstances. But in light of how the process of dating and meeting people might make us feel at times, we have to keep putting ourselves out there. While opening ourselves up to potentially being rejected or hurt isn’t an easy thing to do it is also the only way that we can let someone in and find out if they are right for us.

Dear Tamar,

My question would be how to handle rejection and how to have more than two dates with a female?

Dear From One Date to the Next,

Rejection is going to happen no matter how hard we try to avoid it. Once you figure out how to gracefully handle it you will also be able to better digest it. If you are rejected on 100hookup, meaning before you ever meet, just brush it off and move on. You don’t even have to respond to those types of emails. If you’re rejected while on a date, then take what I used as a way to ease the awkwardness — ask if you could both keep each other in mind for a friend who may be better suited for them — and follow through because you never know who you could meet! If you’re rejected by phone after a date then say “I’m sorry it’s not going to work out between us but I wish you luck on your journey” and then get off the phone.

In order to land the coveted third date make sure you follow up with a phone call within 48 hours of the second date and ask the girl out for Prime Date Night, as in Saturday night. Have a nice restaurant in mind and let her know what the plans would be, keeping in mind things she has said she likes from your past two dates. A girl wants to know that you’re thinking of her and are going out of your way to make her feel special.

My friend Jenny turned 30 a few weeks ago and has found herself locked out of the dating game. Her 100hookup profile no longer shows up on many men’s pages because their age preference ends at 29. When she checks out guys she looks at their preferences only to find out she matches them… all except for age.

I figure if you’ve taken the time, money and effort to create a profile on 100hookup then why not make your chances of meeting someone as high as possible. A guy who meets Jenny at a party and finds out that she fulfills all his preferences accept that she’s no longer in her twenties is not going to reject her but will instead make an exception – so why systematically reject her online before you’ve even given her a chance?

If you expand your age range too wide there will be less of a chance of having a connection based on where you are in your life and the things you’ve already experienced, or are yet to experience. Any narrower and you’re lessening your chance of finding your Beshert by eliminating thousands of prospects by selecting just one year less.

I told Jenny that eventually the ignorance of these men will change because they’re going to find themselves continuing to be single on their next birthday and then having to up their age limit – at which point Jenny will be included in their searches… at least until her next birthday.

Most people that struggle during online dating often worry about what they must do to improve their online dating skills directly.  And for good reason.  Learning how to build attraction, generate high interest, and strategies to push past the competition is extremely important for any advanced online dater.

However, sometimes it is good to work on aspects of yourself that are not directly related to online dating techniques.  Occassionally having a nice mental boost and jump in self-confidence will do wonders for your success.  If we don’t feel good about ourselves, first and foremost, we won’t feel good on a date to the extent that we need to if we wish to be extremely confident, self assured and on point with our game.

So do things that improve your mental health.  Excercise.  Set time aside for your hobbies.  Get a new haircut.  Buy some new clothes.  Even something as small as drinking more water every day can improve your mental health and provide more energy.

Improving yourself is the first step that we all must take before improving our dating life.  Only when our confidence is at a high will we be fully equipped to succeed with women of the highest quality.

Recently, I feel like I’ve come across several profiles where I could tell from the “About Me” section that the owners weren’t totally sold on the idea of online dating. Opening lines referring to how they feel “unsure” about online dating but had friends “push” them into it, or how they felt defeated or had given up on meeting someone “conventionally” and therefore decided to go online as a type of last resort raise a bright red-flag for me.

What lines or references like these tell me is that the person writing them isn’t totally committed to the concept of meeting someone online, which also makes me feel a little judged for being an active online dater. While this might not make a difference to some people I’m honestly put off by someone who seems to waiver on the idea of meeting someone online, and would much rather pursue conversations with people who I feel are completely comfortable with the online dating process.

Furthermore I get a little defensive since I have invested a lot of time and energy over the past several months in online dating, when someone joins the site and so openly questions the validity of online dating versus more conventional methods. In the end I completely understand and empathize with how initially joining an online dating site can be intimidating or feel a bit unnatural, but in my opinion if you are going to take the leap and join an online dating site, for whatever reasons or pretenses, you should go all in because I think a majority of people active with online dating are looking for someone who is as invested in meeting some as they are.

Dear Tamar,

I am so confused and frustrated right now. I met this amazing girl on 100hookup. We went on a date in NYC and the chemistry was great. I called her a few days later and left a message on her phone. I received a text saying she was feeling sick that weekend. I understand completely and wished her a speedy recovery. Since then I have not heard from her. I just don’t understand why there is no follow up. I want to call her badly but think I should wait till after this weekend. Something seems strange, maybe she had a change of heart? But so suddenly? Event to just talk to her on the phone would be great but I’m confused on why she hasn’t been in touch.

Dear Continuity Confusion,

Go ahead and call her. I hate texts, but if she was sick then I’ll give her a pass for not calling. Some women want to be pursued and if she wasn’t feeling well she may be waiting for you to call and see how she’s feeling. I think it’s a bit presumptuous to think she’s had a change of heart. On one hand it’s only been one date, on the other hand you’ve only made one phone call. Take the risk and put yourself out there and make that call!

Today I would like to discuss infusing attraction builders into the stories that you tell during your online pick-ups. 

If you have been following my blog over the course of the year you are probably well aware that there are many different ways that you can build attraction in online dating through the profiles you write, the messages you send and the pictures you take.  Well, telling stories in your online pick-up or during your dates is no different and should be infused with plenty of attraction builders as well.

Telling stories should not be told merely to entertain.  They should be used to reveal aspects of yourself that you not only want the opposite sex to know, but that will build attraction at the same time.

For example, in recent discussions I mentioned how creating high social value for yourself builds attraction levels with your potential date.  Incorporate these principles into the story you are telling.  If you were on vacation last month and were comped a V.I.P. room or had a connection with the owner of a bar, slide these examples of high social value into your story.  If your job has high status in society or perks that society values, find a way to subtly mention that as part of your story.

Building social value is just one of ten ways to build attraction.  There are so many ways to use these attraction builders in the stories you tell to your advantage.  Be sure to do so and reap the benefits.  This is critical to achieving high success.