Mind Credits
by JeremySpoke
under Single Life
Let me explain. You know that overwhelmingly wonderful feeling you get the moment a good movie ends in the theater? You had identified with the main character for at least an hour and a half. You could see yourself making the choices he (or she, but probably he) made during the film. He did all of the things that you have always been too scared to do. He told the girl he liked her. He jumped on a grenade to save people’s lives. He chose love over work. He went to the gym even when it was really cold outside.
Before the house lights come back on and crush this fleeting moment of complete clarity as you realize you have to go back to your monotonous life devoid of catharsis but full of disappointment, make a promise to yourself to do one thing that you know will make you uncomfortable. During the credits, make your own list of what we will now call ‘mind credits’. Promise yourself that you will tell the painfully platonic friend that you like her/him. In order to make sure that you follow through with this before you walk out of the theater, call her while still sitting in your seat. When either she picks up, or the answering machine starts, say ‘I love you.’ and then immediately hang up. That way, you will have to call back and explain yourself so it’s not awkward the next time you see each other. When you call back later, you don’t have to say that you actually love them, but you will have to explain why you made the call, and that is sure to be hilariously terrible.
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