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Jul 5

Weight Loss Challenge: Day 15 (Freedom Edition)

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

It took me almost two weeks before I met the biggest challenge to any type of weight-loss plan: Grandma’s house.  As a child, Grandma’s house was a wondrous place with candy, soda, food, and a television that had to have been bought in 1957.  At an early age, Grandma’s house was probably where I spent my first Thanksgiving, family dinners, and probably my second and third Thanksgivings as well.  Outside, my dad and uncles grilled meats, whilst on the inside, the women gossiped while garnishing salads.  Of course, there was no grill outside because my grandparents lived on the tenth floor or so.  Also, this is all made up and is an obvious oversimplification based on gender and familial stereotypes learned through television and film.

Actually, my grandparents bought property in the countryside about twelve years ago because we are in Texas and are living stereotypes.  Their ranch has been a rendezvous for holidays and special occasions.  Last night, we met for the Fourth of July.  Dinner consisted of steaks, potatoes, and salad.  Dessert included homemade pies, cookies, brownies, and a Jell-O® mold.  I, of course, was limited by my new diet and had to eat a pre-bought Subway® sandwich.  I had not faced a challenge this large before.  I was literally squeezed in between people eating steaks.  Bloody steaks!  That is not British slang.  They were oozing with blood and my carnal instincts were telling me to murder my cousin just to get one bite.

I haven’t lost any significant amount of weight since my last post.  In fact, I may have gained a little.  I don’t know why.  I blame science.  Bloody science!  My motivational urge to remain on my diet is slipping.  I am very anxious about tomorrow’s weight-in.  On top of that, I have less than two weeks until my self-appointed date night.  I should look at my list of potential candidates and start weeding out the weak.  Here, the weak include men, and women that are just friends.  This leaves me with one person.  I’m looking at you, Sarah!*

*I don’t actually know a Sarah.  I am hiding her name to protect her anonymity as well as myself from lawsuits.

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