Zombies Know Nothing of Humanity
by JeremySpoke
under Single Life
I went out with a couple friends last night (Saturday) for almost Halloween night. We went to a popular coffee shop, and tried to think of ways to talk to women we knew we would never go through with. I was leaning towards the, “Nice costume, can I buy you a steak?” approach which was odd because not only is that weird, but also we were nowhere near a venue that had the capacity to serve my lovely lady a fine steak. Instead, we sat there like morons comparing coffee patrons to celebrities. We all decided that this one dude looked exactly like famed murderer and person-eater Jeffrey Dahmer. He looked pretty creepy, and sat by himself.
A few minutes later all of the lights on the patio shut out. About ten minutes after that, people started running out of the shop yelling that it was on fire. My quick, reflexive instincts told me to stay where I was and watch. The fire kept building until we were forced to leave. We decided to go to a bar. As a side note, the coffee shop was essentially ruined the next morning.
At the bar, many people were dressed up in elaborate costumes. It was either almost Halloween or we were at a really progressive place. I started a conversation with a zombie who I assume was female. Though undead, she was able to convey her personality through a complex system of grunts and blood-spurting. It took me a while before I started to think that she may actually be a zombie. I maintained a conversation but kept a safe distance. I offered to buy her a drink, but she kindly said “No, thanks.” Really? I even strike out with post-apocalyptic daemons.
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