Dear Tamar,

HI!  I am new to 100hookup – I have been a member for about 6 weeks and I am not getting much response.  I do not know what is wrong, and I assume it is something in my profile.  I cannot get any positive feedback from anyone online and do not know who else to ask. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.

Dear New Member Needs,

Thanks for providing your screen name so I can check out your profile and give you feedback. I’m going to start with the photos. The first one is great! Bravo on that! The second is just a close-up of the sixth photo, which I think is better because it shows your body type which is important, so eliminate the 2nd photo. The 3rd and 4th are cute but the 5th is questionable. I know it’s you and your Mom, whom you talk about in your profile, but it’s obvious that it’s dated and to be honest it’s difficult to garner much from it because of the distance.

Regarding your About Me paragraph I would leave out the part about your Mom and save that for when you’re actually on the date. I know it must have been a difficult part of your life, but it’s a downer. This line: “Another is cooking. I have been told I am quite good at it…” should be changed to: “Another passion is cooking. I’ve been told I’m quite the chef and look forward to proving it to you.”

I like what you said in My Ideal Relationship and My Past Relationships. My Perfect First Date is fine, but I would edit I’m Looking For from: “Well-educated man, money is not important, intelligence and education are – once an educator always an educator. A very close second is a man who is faithful. Honesty is a must. Funny is always enjoyable. A man who likes to have fun!” to something along the lines of: “a well-educated man who is also intelligent (two different things). Money isn’t important. Honesty is. I’m looking for a faithful man who can make me laugh and likes to have fun!”

I like that you’re open to all marital statuses, but I would extend your age range. You’re willing to go 10 years younger but only 5 years older? Why not 10 years on each side then? Can’t hurt, right?

Once you’re done editing, add two new photos to replace the ones you’re eliminating. Take new ones this weekend (have a friend snap away, get different angles including full body) and start doing some Flirting. Write me in a few weeks and let me know how it’s going!

I was perusing 100hookup for a single friend in a very general way (30 year old females in Manhattan) and I was only clicking on photos which caught my eye and were his type (petite, dark and exotic). Out of the hundreds I looked at only 12 stood out for the right reason. But for the most part I was appalled by page after page after page of piss poor profile pictures. I’m not even talking about the supporting photos, just the ones that show up in the search as a thumbnail. This is THE MOST important picture, so why are men and women alike using totally inappropriate photos?

Your profile picture SHOULD NOT:
1. include sunglasses or a hat
2. include other people or pets
3. be taken from a long distance away
4. be blurry (obvious, but you’d be surprised)
5. show you looking anywhere but at the camera

Your profile picture should basically be a headshot — your face, with a smile, filling up the screen. And your eyes should be, in the words of Tyra Banks, smizing. Your eyes should express happiness and invite me to click on your profile to learn more about you and see your other pictures.

Dear Tamar,

Why don’t people post answers to the questions, why don’t they post pictures, and why don’t they have a screen name instead of the serial number 100hookup gives them?

Dear Half-Hearted Profiles?

Respectively, I don’t know, I don’t know, and well, I don’t know. These are good questions and simply put, if someone didn’t take the time to complete their profile then you don’t need to take the time to look at their profile. It’s their loss and it’s a shame. I don’t understand why someone would sign up and then not finish filling out the questionnaire or post some photos. If you like the part of the profile you do see then it can’t hurt to send a message letting them know that you’d like to learn more, but don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back. Check out these links to see what I previously had to say about these topics: What’s in a Name? Everything. and Under Interrogation. Lastly, don’t let your frustration with people’s half-hearted profiles linger because then you’re letting their dating issues effect your dates.

Dear Tamar,

I am an older, single male with no children. I realize most of the women my age have children in high school, college or beyond and I recognize the importance of those relationships. However, I do not understand why these women are posting [multiple] pictures with their children, other family members and their pets. This is a dating service for adults. It is not a service for child adoption. Or pet adoption. I think the logical progression is for the adults to meet, and if there is chemistry, to form a relationship with each other. If we get past this step, then we can see if / how the partner and the children, family and pets are compatible. I am here to, initially, meet a woman – not her children, parents, girlfriends or pets. I can understand one picture with, say, a single person’s pet, but what I am seeing in terms of children, parents and friends in multiple photos does not make sense to me. Again, the written information states whether an individual has children and whether they live with the person. One would expect to meet them, later, if a relationship developed.

Dear Photo Flop,

I agree with you 100% and in Picture Perfect and More Picture Perfect I discussed how to post appropriate photos. After posting a few of yourself — face, full body, in action — only then is it okay to post ONE of you with your pet or another person both of which you must quickly refer to in your About Me paragraph.

I don’t think parents or kids should be a part of your photos because this is about you right now and not your family. Let your prospective dates get to see you without any distractions. That said, posting photos of loved ones is not a make or break. If the woman has everything you’re looking for and you’re attracted to her, then don’t let her photos stand in the way. People are proud of their kids, their parent’s lasting marriage, their adorable dog, etc and they think it’s compelling (even when it’s not). At the end of the day, are you going to reject your Beshert because she put a photo of her and her chihuahuas in her profile?

As someone whowrites about online dating for a living, my brain seems forever connected to online dating ideas.  No matter where I look or turn I can’t seem to disconnect my life from what I write about so frequently.

And as I sit here staring at my dog, thinking how dogs are such female magnets, I ponder to myself, how can this be used to help our online dating lives?

Profile pictures.

Those familiar with my online dating advice know that one of the many goals to creating a successful photo gallery in the online dating world is to come up with pictures that will generate interest or spark conversation.  Well most women LOVE dogs.  If you have one, throw it up in your profile picture.  If a girl is a dog lover she will, without a doubt, throw a comment your way about a dog.

If there is one thing I have learned since getting one its that doglovers LOVE doglovers.  So, if you are one, use it to your advantage.  After all, they are supposed to be man’s best friend!

Dear Tamar,

Not sure if my profile is good enough? Really don’t know what to write. I am not getting any mails and if I do it’s from old men or very young guys like in their 20’s. I just changed my picture and will be adding more later today. What should I wear in these pictures? Please help me to write a new profile as well so that I will hopefully attract quality men ages 40-52.

Dear Prolific Profile,

I would start with writing that you’re interested in men between the ages of 40-52 both in your profile and in your “what are you looking for?” section. I know you’ve selected those years as your age range in the preferences section, but it won’t hurt to drive home the point as long as you don’t write in an obnoxious way. In your “About Me” paragraph write that you’re looking for a guy between 40 and 52. Then in the “I’m Looking For A” write “Did I mention that I’m looking for a guy between 40 and 52?” Make it cute but make your point.

As for your photos, you want to look young and fresh even though you say you don’t want to attract the 20-year-olds. Your first photo should be a close-up so get a facial if necessary and apply your make-up so that it looks natural and accentuates your best features. The next picture should be from the waist up in a shirt that shows some skin but not too much…in this case less is more. Your third picture should be a full body shot with form-fitting clothing to show your shape. Don’t hide your body… there’s plenty of men who like every type of shape. The key is to make sure your pictures look like you, but your best you!

100hookup has unveiled the beta version of the new profile makeover and it’s going to make your time on 100hookup easier than ever! Your excuse that you don’t have time is no longer plausible because 100hookup is doing the dirty work for you! Not only can you see all the photos nice ‘n big without having to go to the next page but 100hookup tells you right away what you have in common and lists what items are most important up front. That means no more searching for height, parental status, smoker or not or job and education — those non-negotiables are front and center so you can see if you’re a match right away.

The added scroll of photos at the t0p means it’s more important than ever to have your main photo be an eye catcher. That means it needs to be a close-up so people can see your face in a tiny thumbnail, it shouldn’t be a profile view or have anyone (or anything) in the pic with you. We want to see your face! No sunglasses, no hats, no dark photos without flash. You need to stand out in a sea of people. You have so many more options to post photos, save the underexposed one with your dog standing by the tall tree for option #4.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on 100hookup before and received plenty of interest in the form of IM’s, emails and the like. I’m back on this site for a third time, and I am getting no replies to my profile. Everytime I log in my inbox is empty and I get no messages when I’m online. Moreover, when I email or IM men whose profiles I like, I don’t get any responses! Is there something I can do about my profile to make it better? I’m starting to lose confidence (and hope!) because of this! Anything you can suggest would be very much appreciated!

Dear Repeat 100hookupr®,

Sorry you’re not having any success this go ’round. I’m sure you’re totally frustrated but try to look at your profile from a different perspective. If you’re not getting ANY messages or responses than there’s something immediate that’s turning men off instantly. Actually, that’s an easier fix than most. This means your main photo may not be showing you in the best light or your first sentence may be off-kilter. Change those 2 things up and use a trusted friend’s opinion and approval beforehand and I’m sure your luck will change. In addition, take the opportunity to make sure the men whom you’re trying to attract are appropriately suited for you in age range and other categories.

In the last blog entry I discussed the importance of showing that you are a somebody of high value in society.  This is a great tool that will trigger a woman’s interest, gain her attention and, consequently, make her more attracted to you.

The reason is simple:  You are establishing that you are someone special in society whom other people want to be around.  Valuable people are not only valuable to society, but valuable to women, as well, making you someone that they will want to be around.

Today I will discuss one way that you can establish this value in the online dating world.

Use your profile pictures.

Profile pictures shouldn’t merely be used to show pictures of yourself in a flattering light.   While they should look good, photos are also a great opportunity to establish value.

Find profile pictures that show you in a light that draws women to you. 

Maybe you were at a part,  surrounded by some beautiful women, and you have a picture of it.  This shows you have value among beauitful women and are used to being surrounded by women. 

Do you have a great job, where you attend events that not many people get to go to?  This again shows value.

Maybe you have a great car that you have a picture of yourself standing next to.  Again, value.

There are a million and one ways to show value within your pictures.  Get into the habit of doing so and you will find women will be more drawn to your pictures online and, consequently, more into you!

Dear Tamar,

I feel that I receive limited responses to my 100hookup profile and was wondering ways to attract women? I am tall with diverse interests but divorced (no children) and in my mid-40’s. Any suggestions?

Dear Great Catch!,

You are, in fact, a great catch based solely off of the information you just gave me. I know of dozens of women who would be interested in you! So that means you’re probably not representing your best self in your profile since you’re not receiving replies. Try taking new photos – this New Year’s is a great time to get some candid photos of you having fun and celebrating! Make sure your preferences are realistic. I know women in their early to mid-thirties who would be interested in you, but you will, without a doubt, have more luck with women in their late thirties to mid-forties, so your age range needs to be pretty broad. Finally, although I’ve now told you that you seem like you’re a great catch, make sure your About Me paragraph doesn’t come across as cocky. Nothing is worse than a guy who is a great catch and says so himself! Oh, and instead of just saying “diverse interests,” actually name some of them that are indeed diverse. Having broad preferences is good, making broad statements is not.