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Jul 21

Nightclubs are not Emotionally Invested in Your Problems Like I Am

by JeremySpoke under Entertainment,Single Life

Going out and meeting people on your own is so easy.  Everything is handed to you and women approach and engage in conversation with you because you are so great and know how to rub cologne onto your neck.

Nightclubs are therefore the perfect environment for this series of events to occur.  First, they are notoriously quiet.  It is often compared to a library, but instead of books for free, you get alcohol for your life savings.  There is no awful music pounding through the walls until you feel that the blood running through your veins is going to explode into an orgy of flesh, bones, and organs.  Just walk up to any girl and start talking in a soft voice.  Not only will she find this endearing and not creepy in any way, she will probably hand you a pre-written seven-digit code on a napkin.  Be sure to either memorize this code or write it down as soon as possible.  It is the only way that you can ever get access to any woman outside of the quaint, homely nightclub.

Nightclubs are also known for being free from the hectic, overpopulated lifestyle of urban America.  They are uncrowded, providing free movement for everybody inside.  People walk about and care for one another’s personal space without simultaneously making their bodies pulsate in a non-repetitive fashion.  People are self-conscious about how stupid they might look if they started dancing like idiots, and often become very self-aware. Feel free to walk up to other men and spill your soul.  Tell them how pretty their female companions are.  Walk up to them and ask them if they feel as horrible as they look with their pink shirts tucked into their shorts.

Or do none of these things and not die.

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