I think that most people who know me would say that my lifestyle, mostly because of my job, is pretty unpredictable. Many of my friends from both college and high school have lives that look much different than mine, and on the surface appear to have things much more together than I do. Since graduating from college I have worked for four different schools in  five years (all as a college basketball coach), and have lived in New Mexico (two years), New Hampshire (one year) and Florida (one year) before taking a job in Chicago last August. Most people I know, while they may not still be at the same “place” they were right after college, are at least in the same city and appear to be on a stable and progressive career path. I, on the other hand, work in an extremely fluid profession with a turnover that appears to be accelerating with each passing season, meaning there are no guarantees year to year that I will be in the same city or even have a job, period.

I believe that there is a general list of assumed characteristics that people are looking for when assessing who they are potentially interested in dating, which includes honesty, intelligence and passion (amongst others), and while I believe that I possess those and other desirable traits there is one important one on most people’s list that there’s no guarantee I will ever be able to fulfill; stability. I believe that as the number of years since we’ve graduated from college grows most people begin to put more of a premium on finding someone stable with whom they can rely on and begin a life with. However while I believe that I am a very loyal and dependable person my job ultimately comes first, which means that in many situations it seems as though I am not making my personal relationships the type of priority they should be.

Certainly I can’t argue this point, and perhaps the right person for me is someone who feels similarly passionate about their job; however, I can’t get past the idea that the choices I make concerning my job on a daily basis, and career from a long-term perspective, puts such parameters on my personal life and ability to maintain and grow relationships. Ultimately this is one of the sacrifices that I’ve decided to make in pursuit of my career aspirations, and I have never had second thoughts that this was the right decision for me. However, this doesn’t mean it always feels good or that it doesn’t bother me that the instability and uncertainty in my professional life makes it difficult for people to rely on and get close to me. In the end life comes down to a series of choices, and so much of the choices we make are affected most by their timing, so really all we can do it let things play out, do what we think is best for ourselves at the time and hope everything works out in the end.

It can be difficult for many of us to find the time to go out on dates since we have demanding work schedules that transcend the typical 9-5. However, it is that reality which is exactly why we need to date and try to establish some sort of personal and professional balance. The days of dad coming home to mom cooking dinner and the kids doing their homework at the table, before spotting him entering the house and running to give him a hug, are largely over.

So too are the days where mom and dad both work 9-5, come home and relax with their children every night, go out to dinner on Saturday and work in the yard on Sunday. Professions nowadays work 60, 70, 80 hours a week (including weekends), which leaves little time for any of us to build relationships that resemble these bygone fantasies from another world and time.

The difficulty of finding quality time to spend together at the beginning of a relationship poses a potentially insurmountable roadblock, since it is during that time when getting to know each other and hopefully building a sense of mutual trust typically occurs. Trouble finding good times to go out on dates, and phone conversations condensed into impersonal texts, make it nearly impossible to get to know someone and determine if you have a true connection.

I am not an easy person to make plans with, primarily because I work a zillion hours and there is no specific time when my day typically ends. Additionally, as my friends can attest to, during the season I am a virtualghost (even when we aren’t on the road). Yet, in spite of my crazy job I’d like to think that if the right woman and relationship came along that I would figure out a way to make it work. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that she will do anything more than acknowledge my efforts, but regardless I have to keep trying and have faith that eventually I’ll find someone who likes me enough to make things work in spite of my crazy lifestyle.