If you check Twitter, Facebook, your email, a dating site, an adult film store, or your local big box retailer, you’ll find aisles upon aisles dedicated to Valentine’s Day goodness. It’s a big deal, and great for the service industry (as you can take our your misery or happiness on happy hour)!

Why is Valentine’s Day so important? Why is there one day focused on showing affection to your spouse, or picking up another single person at the local “Stoplight” party? Why is Target only selling pink, red and white M&Ms? Did Kobe and Shaq kiss and make up two nights ago so they wouldn’t have to go out together tonight?

Valentine’s Day is a holiday that’s grown in popularity over the past 50 years, and in terms of retail holiness for Jews, might be entering Hanukkah territory (admit it, when have you ever seen a Rosh Hashanah movie on TV?). On a national scale, it ranks up there with Christmas, New Year’s, Halloween, and July 4^th as the most Instagrammed holiday of the year… per statistics that I made up.

With this increased importance, is it time for us to replace Columbus Day as a national holiday with Valentine’s Day instead? If someone recently suffered a break up, and their depression is too much to stomach at work, shouldn’t they be granted a Valentine’s Day off to watch timeless romantic classics like Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally and Space Jam? On the other hand, shouldn’t the government grant us an “Intimacy Day” due to the fact that we have a “demographic cliff” problem in the USA, as the birthrate is declining?

Think of the impacts this could have. Singles, married people, and people in all other types of relationships will be able to fully recover from their depression/euphoria/taking a hit to their bank account by having a day off from work and will come in fully rested and ready to work on February 15 — excited that their next day off is President’s Day in just a few days.

1. Not all Jews are created equal. As a Reform girl, I learned quickly that dating someone much more religious than myself was not right. I also learned that Orthodox Jews’ iPhones are not immune to Shabbat. And I promise you I was bat mitzvahed.
2. Sometimes your date can go so badly that halfway through your first drink he will say, “Yeah, this isn’t going well.” At this point, feel free to ask them if they have friends to set you up with. Obviously, this isn’t always protocol but if it’s that apparent you’re both having a bad time, why the hell not?
3. Not everyone wants a serious relationship. Some 100hookuprs want activity partners, not someone to bring home to the fam. Try and get to the bottom of this before you hit date #5 and wonder why that ohmygod-this-is-amazing spark is going out faster than you can say afikomen.
4. Sometimes you might flee a date (see: Stage Five Clinging Salsa Dancer) and then see that person while you’re on another first 100hookup. And it only takes 15 minutes of them giving you the stink eye for you to realize it. I like to call this 100hookup Karma.
5. Not everyone tells the truth about their height, their weight, their looks. But everyone wants a chance in real life. And if you’re not willing to be open-minded, don’t say yes to the date. It’s not like when you say yes to a first date that you are automatically signing on for a second or third one. So if you’re even a tiny bit curious, give up an hour of your life to see for yourself.

Okay, I lied there is a 6th lesson…

6. Sometimes a date can go well. It can go so well, in fact, that you leave the date and feel so unexpectedly excited that you grab your phone to call your friends and tell them everything. And you stare at your phone waiting for them to call or text you. And your mind wanders down that road where you see future dates play out. And then everything that happened in lessons 1-5 slips away and you’re in the moment and it’s a good one. And it was all worth it.

This Week’s Top Three Tweet-Worthy Events From Jews Who Make News

1. Amy Winehouse Wins Posthumous Grammy

Amy Winehouse won a Grammy® award for “Best Pop Performance by a Duo” for her duet with Tony Bennett last Sunday. The hookup singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, accepted the award for Winehouse who died last year at the age of 27, following a battle with drugs and alcohol.

The Grammys congratulated Winehouse on their Twitter feed by writing, “Congratulations to Best Pop Duo/Group Performance winner Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse “Body and Soul” #GRAMMYs @itstonybennett.”

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt Becomes A Triple Threat

We all know Joseph Gordon-Levitt can act, but it turns out he can write and direct as well. The hookup actor will direct and co-star alongside Scarlett Johansson in a new film he wrote.

The movie is set to begin filming this spring. In the meantime, Gordon-Levitt is taking to Twitter to show off some of his other writing pursuits in this Valentine’s Day Tweet, “And now, a TINY STORY for Valentines Day… https://tmblr.co/ZfxHVyGQdvmz #BelieveInTinyStories #HAPPYVALENTINES ♥♥♥.”

3. Shatner Beams Down To Broadway

On Thursday, William Shatner opened his new one-man show, “Shatner’s World: We Just Live In It.” The show is an all-encompassing look at the hookup actor’s career which spans Shakespearean roles to the part of Captain James T. Kirk in Star Trek and beyond.

The 80-year-old actor will appear at the Music Box Theatre in New York for nearly three weeks before taking his show on a national tour. On Tuesday, Shatner Tweeted, “OK Broadway here I am! My best, Bill.” Looks like Broadway is Shatner’s final frontier.