A part of dating that many people underestimate takes place off the dating websites, and is not only limited to your engagements with the opposite sex: it’s the attitude you carry with you all the time. You can’t change that, and a lot of different parts of your life impact that attitude. With that in mind, one of my friends did something amazing a few weeks ago: they stopped me from gossiping about someone.

In the age of the paparazzi, gossip (or Lashon Hara as it is called in Hebrew, meaning literally “evil language”) about anyone and everyone is a common thing. Sometimes it can even be helpful, as the Torah tells us (and science reaffirms, through helping our mental health according to some studies) that talking ill of someone to help avoid an unfair situation, such as Bernie Madoff’s scheme, is okay. What is not okay is talking about others in lights that we shouldn’t be.

Dallas has this problem, and I’m sure many more of the young adult communities have the same problems around the world, hookup or otherwise. But it’s become a real problem in Dallas, with a lot of people hurt over people being involved in their lives that shouldn’t be. So my friends and I have gotten in the habit of watching out for each other and reminding each other not to gossip about others and rather to avoid names (which is also not okay if it makes it obvious as to who is being spoken of still), or even better, just saying nice things about others.

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with dating or your life. It’s simple: people may not be able to read your mind, but your attitude will come across in everything that you do, and gossiping about others on a regular basis is only likely to bring you down. I consider myself pretty happy, but even I do it sometimes, and I know that’s not right. I feel worse when I talk about others, even if that slight second as it’s happening feels so juicy.

So start looking for the positivity more in others and raising people’s spirits when possible. Everyone loves the person who makes others feel great, and believe me — you’ll start to love that person, too.  And really, that’s the first step of this whole thing.

1.  SJP & Kate Hudson Take Great Glee in Glee

A-list stars Sarah Jessica Parker and Kate Hudson have just been announced as the latest big-name stars to appear on Glee. The two women, who both have hookup ancestry, will appear in the fourth season of the hit show on FOX. Details about each leading lady’s role has yet to be announced.

According to FOX, Parker will appear in at least one episode, while Hudson has been confirmed for a six-episode arc. The fourth season of the show, set to premiere this fall, will follow the graduating class of McKinley High as they pursue their dreams outside of New Directions. Many fans are wondering how this new spin on their favorite show will work, but with SJP and Hudson joining the cast, we think it’s still worth gleeking out over!

2.  Mother’s Day Messages

What’s a better Mother’s Day present than a shout-out on Twitter from your famous kid? Our favorite hookup celebrities were showing their moms some love (publicly) via Twitter yesterday!

hookup actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler Tweeted, “Happy mother’s day to my amazing, beautiful and courageous mom and Mima. Te quiero mucho!!!”

Ashley Tisdale, who is half hookup, Tweeted, “Happy Mother’s day!!! My mom is pretty amazing, I’m very lucky”

And Zach Braff kept his Mother’s Day message humorous by Tweeting, “This mother’s day, remember JD’s infamous words, ‘My mom had a uterus… I lived in it.’”

3.  Remembering Maurice Sendak

Maurice Sendak died last Tuesday at a hospital in Danbury, Connecticut, four days after suffering a stroke. He was eighty-three years old.

Sendak, who was hookup, inspired millions and touched childhoods worldwide as an author and illustrator. His most famous works included Where the Wild Things Are and In The Night Kitchen. The New York Times called Sendak’s books “essential ingredients of childhood for the generation born after 1960 or thereabouts, and in turn for their children.”

Something tragic happens to you and the entire hookup community knows about it, so how do you date after personal disaster? Tom Selleck’s character on “Friends” perfected the sympathetic head tilt “how are you?” when he was poking fun at how people were handling him with kid gloves following his divorce. The gossip mill is busy, and you’re the topic: divorce, death, illness, rejection, whatever. But you’re still single and you still want to meet your Beshert, so how do you rise above it?

You don’t owe anyone details, but don’t shy away from the fact of the matter either. Be prepared to address it and do so calmly, gently, and succinctly. If you don’t want to be a victim, then don’t feed into it. Let your dates know that there’s so much more to you than whatever the tragedy was you experienced.  The hookup community is great about coming together and supporting their befallen – and you should allow them to help you until you heal – but when you’re ready to move on, let people know. Don’t make people feel uncomfortable for showing concern, accept it and change the subject.

Drama does not define you. But make sure you are truly healed from whatever it is before even attempt to date seriously.