It’s official. I’m hitting that age when everyone I know on Facebook is moving in with their significant other, getting engaged, married, procreating. It’s all right on time I suppose, considering I’ve finally hit the mid-20s checkpoint. I realize that I’m young and I’m meant to be in the mix of it all at this stage in my life. Still, I think I’m experiencing a minor case of FOMO. Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely happy to see these good things happen to my friends. But at the same time, it’s causing a total shift in how I look at dating and my future. Their life events are the real thing: the beginning of their future. The beginning of life beyond the 20s. Nothing quite that big is happening to me right now. In fact, it’s safe to say that the highlight of my week was when my TiVo recorded a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes because it thought I might like it…and I did.

I’m not yet at the point where I’m bitter. I’m a little too young and naive for that. The problem is that the more I look at what is going on in other people’s lives, the more I start judging my own. I fixate on what others have that I don’t. I try to justify why I’m still single and they are not. I look inward to see if I can make sense of everything, as if I can really change things that I know will naturally happen. I have little to zero control over it. It will all happen eventually… or at least that is what I keep telling myself. But until that day comes, I’m going to really try and not let it drive me nuts. Instead I will see that I get my butt out of my apartment and out into the full-speed world of NYC and live my own life instead of sitting on my laptop looking at the lives of others. That should solve everything, or at least just keep myself from standing too still. And if not, there is at least some comfort in knowing who I come home to each and every night. My new boyfriend TiVo, and maybe an episode or two of Gilmore Girls.

There is a drawback to losing weight that is even worse than all of the positive attention, lack of heartburn, general overall wellness, self-control, ability to consistently sleep, a reason to wake up in the morning, an increase in energy, and a less-sensitive Pavlovian response telling my body to throw blunt objects at mirrors.

Losing weight also comes with the very real possibility that you will acquire crazy eyes. In photos, while large people may not like the way they look as much, they generally seem level-headed, and their eyes are often nice and human-like. Before I lost the weight, and after Facebook was invented, I noticed a trend among photographs of my friends. My larger friends all seemed relatively normal, while a lot of my thin friends looked absolutely crazy. I think I need to clarify that thin people do not have crazy eyes in real life. They only look crazy in pictures. This, of course, is not applicable to all people. But try to stay attuned to this when looking at pictures of people.

Actually, the prevalence of crazy eyes in photos of thin people seems to be higher in thin people that have lost a lot of weight. I can think of several examples of this off the top of my head, myself included. When I look at pictures of myself now, I think  ‘Wow, I look great. I’ve really come a long way.’ and then my eyes move up to my face and I think, ‘Gahhh what the hell is wrong with me? Good lord, give me some food.’ I bet at least five people that have never met me, but seen photos of me on Facebook or something think that I sleep in my bathroom and own 25 cats that are all named ‘Lucille’, without realizing that only half of that is true.

I’ve become what I hate the most. I hate crazy eyes. Once I realize that a friend has crazy eyes, it makes it very difficult to maintain the friendship. Maybe that’s why I have no friends. I hope I haven’t ruined your life with this theory of mine, but I haven’t, because you’re probably not reading this.

He poked me on Facebook. Twice. Was one poke just not enough? We had only gone on one date, and it was just a cup of coffee in Gramercy on a Saturday afternoon. And immediately after he texted me that he had a good time. That’s it. And then a week later, when I had not texted back, he thinks about all the ways he could get in touch with me – phone, email, text, singing telegram, fax – and decides after much consideration I imagine, nope let’s go with a poke. That’ll get her heart. So when I didn’t answer him back, hoping he’d get the point, this guy throws the Hail Mary of Facebook communication and pokes me again.

Now that we were two pokes in, I knew I had to officially let him down. This might come as a surprise, but up until this moment I’ve only had the experience of telling guys I’m not interested after very ordinary interactions. None of my mother’s lessons in etiquette even remotely prepared me for post-100hookup Facebook poking. I never even dreamed Facebook poking would be something I’d have to deal with. So I was completely on my own when I sat down to write him back and convey that I wasn’t interested and while I know he meant well, Facebook poking after a date is just wrong. So, so wrong.

Hi D—,

I really was hoping I didn’t have to write this message. I think you’re a great guy, however, I don’t think we clicked when we met for coffee. I don’t know how to say what I am about to tell you without sounding harsh. I’ve thought of a ZILLION ways to say this nicely, and this is the best I can come up with: Poking someone on Facebook, especially after an interaction like ours, doesn’t come off charming. It was really awkward – both times – and I didn’t know how to react. I’m only saying this because I think other girls might have the same reaction as I did. A message is much nicer and more upfront than a poke (I’m sorry if that sounded as mean as I think it does. I just really wanted to let you know for the future).

Take care,
Kelly

I thought about this recently when I told a guy I wasn’t interested in him after 3 dates. I was shocked when he asked me where he went wrong. He said I could think of it as a favor, as he wanted to learn from this experience. I gave him a little feedback, and I think he genuinely appreciated my honesty. You know, maybe it wasn’t my place to tell the Facebook poker that poking is creepy, but part of me wanted to save him. What if no girl ever had the chutzpah to break it to him that poking is socially unacceptable? Would he still be Facebook poking girls innocently thinking that he was flirting? I really believe that all of the guys I’ve gone out with – well, at least for the most of them – deserve a fair shot. And besides, if you can’t learn from your dating mistakes after a 100hookup, when can you?

1. Zuckerberg Updates His Status

Mark Zuckerberg tied the knot in a surprise wedding ceremony last weekend to his college sweetheart, Priscilla Chan. The 28-year-old, who was raised hookup, pulled off the surprise nuptials by inviting 100 guests to what they were told was a surprise party for Chan, who recently graduated from medical school.

The wedding announcement was in classic Facebook style as Zuckerberg simply updated his profile to: “Married to Priscilla Chan.” The news had almost 850,000 “likes” by Sunday evening.

2. Mila Kunis Makes Maxim’s Hot 100

Mila Kunis is hot – really hot! The actress came in at number three in Maxim’s Hot 100 list this year, and it’s not hard to see why. The 29-year-old hookup star was the only Jew to make the top 10. Here’s Maxim’s reason for putting Kunis in the top three:

“Ever since she locked lips with Natalie Portman in Black Swan, our appreciation for this brunette stunner has transformed into a near obsession. Not the kind where we lurk outside her house with binoculars, but the kind where we wake up every morning thrilled that it’s one day closer to the premiere of her new comedy, Ted (it’s almost here!).”

 3. Stern Acts Stern

Howard Stern got tough on a seven-year-old rapper who appeared on America’s Got Talent this week. The tiny MC named Mir Money was moved to tears when Stern (who is now a judge on the show) hit his X button, signaling the kid’s shot at fame was over.

“No one likes hitting the X on a seven-year-old. You’re very brave to get up there at seven years old,” the hookup radio host said, as Money started to cry.

The crowd disapproved of Stern’s decision and erupted with booing. While host Nick Cannon carried Money off the stage, Stern spoke directly to the cameras saying, “I’m not cut out for this man. I’m not cut out for it. I’m shaking man. I’m shaking.”

Whenever you don’t hear back from someone you went out with, there’s always some sort of desire to contact this person again. Whether it’s because you like her, or because you just don’t want to feel rejected, you really want to write her back. However, you are not allowing for the delicate balance of sender/sendee. For every text or call you receive, you are allowed only one equal and opposite text or call back. Don’t upset the balance. Don’t tip the equilibrium. Once you send a text out of turn, especially if it’s a casual text conversation (only one message a day), it’s over.

Persistence is good sometimes. Like when you’re fighting a lion, or trying to stay off drugs. It is almost never good, though, when pursuing a girl that doesn’t like you. It just makes you seem annoying and desperate. I am often a victim of persistence, and have come up with a few tools that help me curtail it most of the time. First, if someone doesn’t return my texts, I often remove their number from my phone. This way, even when I’ve been drinking, I will not be sending this pleasant, though selective, woman a text message. Though this won’t necessarily help me expand my love life, it certainly may help me look less needy. Another good tool that goes along this same line of thinking is unfriending on Facebook®. Though this seems a little more cruel, it is no more cruel than the eventual realization that this person really doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Unfriending someone is also somewhat liberating. Even if there’s nobody that doesn’t necessarily dislike you, I’m sure there are people on Facebook whom you dislike.

I literally hate at least half of my Facebook friends. This doesn’t even include the ones that constantly update with pictures of abused pets, food, Ron Paul updates, or baby pictures. Unfriend at least one Facebook friend a year. It is kind of like a small weight you need lifted off every once in a while. Either do that or unfriend a person in real life. That may get messy, though.

This Week’s Top Three Tweet-Worthy Events From Jews Who Make News

1. Zuckerberg Takes Facebook Public

Traders can expect to see the ticker symbol “FB” on a major stock exchange soon.

Facebook, Inc. filed paperwork to go public last Wednesday. Mark Zuckerberg, who was raised hookup, founded Facebook in 2004. Since then, the company has grown tremendously, earning $1 billion in profits last year alone.

CNN reports that Zuckerberg will now officially become a billionaire on paper. On Wednesday, CNN’s Breaking News account Tweeted, “Facebook says stock worth $29.73 a share; Zuckerberg holds 534 million shares worth $16 billion.”

2. SJP Fills In For Demi Moore In An Emergency

Sarah Jessica Parker is taking over Demi Moore’s role as Gloria Steinem in the forthcoming Linda Lovelace biopic. Parker accepted the part just three days before she was asked to start filming. The actress, whose father is hookup, is filling in for Demi Moore who dropped out of the film after being hospitalized last week.

US Weekly is already Tweeting new pics of SJP in a long blond wig for the Steinem role. On Thursday, the magazine Tweeted, “First pic of Sarah Jessica Parker as Gloria Steinem in Lovelace! https://bit.ly/z0qqht Is SJP a good replacement for Demi Moore?”

3. The Truth Behind “Online Sweetheart”

100hookup’s newest Success Story has been getting plenty of attention on The Howard Stern Show. Elisa Jordana, the hookup former keytartist for Cobra Starship, and Benjy Bronk, a hookup comedian and writer on The Howard Stern Show, are not only a 100hookup Success Story, but are also behind the song, “Online Sweetheart.” The song, which can be viewed on YouTube, is an ode to the love Jordana and Bronk found on 100hookup.

Some HSS staffers and fans say Jordana and Bronk are exploiting their connection to the show and only wrote the song to further their careers and find greater fame. However, Jordana says their love is real and tells JMag she and Bronk only wrote the song to share a positive message about finding love.

Jordana Tweeted a grateful response to a fan who read the article on Thursday, “Thank u we appreciate that! RT @SkipStarcher: @bronk Okay I was a skeptic at 1st. I love ur 100hookup interview. I DL’d the song on iTunes (2x).”

Even though I have never had a problem being Facebook friend with a woman while we were dating that doesn’t mean that there weren’t problem with us being Facebook Friends after we broke up…

The problem one faces when you seriously date someone you are Facebook friends with is that when you break up you are left with two, equally poor, options.

Option #1

You de-friend the person you were dating so that you don’t inadvertently learn any new information about them through the Facebook News Feed. Additionally de-friending them saves you in the event that you succumb to temptation, and view their page in order to see what they’ve recently posted or if they are dating someone new you, by giving you a fail safe which prevents you from the agony that inevitably results from such actions since you will no longer be able to view their page because you aren’t their Facebook friend any longer.

Drawback to Option #1

If you decide to de-friend the person you recently broke up with there is a strong possibility you will look like the smaller person in the situation and may receive flack about it from mutual friends. De-friending on the surface seems immature and might make it seem to the other person or people with knowledge or your break up that you aren’t handling it well.

Option #2

You remain friends with then and hope that you enter into a new relationship or post interesting information and pictures to your profile before they do, so you aren’t the one left feeling as though the other person is doing better without you, or doing better than you at that point in time.

Drawback to Option #2

You may inadvertently learn things about the person you broke up with you don’t want to know, which may lead you to feel bad about yourself or fixate on as a result. Information you may not want to know includes that they are dating someone knew, any information that makes it seem like they are doing better than you, or pictures that show them having fun, particularly with mutual friends or at places where you used to have fun together.

In the end there is really no good way to handle this situation, and to some the whole idea behind my past two blogs may seem ridiculous; but I was once in that camp and have through experience come to realize the potential unintentional psychological damage that being Facebook friends with your ex can inflict. Ultimately social media, and specifically Facebook, aren’t going anywhere, therefore we just going to have to adjust to this new aspect of dating, relationships and break ups, as well as the potential consequences or situations that they might present to us.

Social media and, for the purposes of this blog specifically Facebook, has transformed the way we access information about other people. Even though most of the information we are exposed to about people isn’t particularly relevant to our lives, or even information that we necessarily need to know, we are nonetheless inundated with it every time we access the Facebook site.

Personally, I assume everything I say, do or write is going to eventually be heard, seen or read by someone, somewhere, and therefore I try to limit engaging in activities I wouldn’t want people to see pictures of the next day, or write things on my blog about myself that I wouldn’t want other people outside of my close circle of friends and family to know about me.

After college I got my first job and during the time leading up to my first day I did my best to track down the pictures other people had posted of me that weren’t, shall we say, flattering. It was during this exercise when I began to realize the true extent of how much my, and pretty much everyone else from my generation’s life, was on Facebook for (depending on your privacy settings) everyone, or at least all of our Facebook friends, to see.

It wasn’t until my junior year of college when Facebook made its’ way to Indiana University. Yet, this still left me with plenty of time to fill my Facebook page, and many of my friends’ pages, with “interesting” pictures, comments and other information. Through the Facebook newsfeed I am inundated every time I log on to the site with information about what my Facebook friends are doing, where they are, and what information and pictures have recently been posted about them or they added to their profiles.

As a result of this newsfeed, and the access that my Facebook friends have to the information and pictures attached to my profile, I have definitely been more careful with who I accept to be my Facebook friend, which includes not only people I meet but also women who I’m seeing. Initially the thought of being Facebook friends with the woman I was dating seemed like a no-brainer since, after all, it was only Facebook; it wasn’t until after going through a break up that I realized being Facebook friends with your ex was a potentially complicated situation.

Even though I have never had a problem being Facebook friends with a woman while we were dating that doesn’t mean there weren’t problem with us being Facebook friends after we broke up…

A few years ago, I took Jared Fogle’s lead, whom according to jewornotjew.com, has a ninety percent chance of actually being hookup, and decided to try to lose weight by eating nothing but Subway sandwiches and exercise (minus the exercise). It went okay, but after losing about twenty pounds, I somehow started gaining weight after I stopped eating Subway® subs and started eating steak. The steak diet’s patent is still pending, as there is no way that it can lead to any form of weight loss.

I eventually gained all of my weight back. Last night, I decided to re-try the Subway weight loss challenge. I am happy to report that I have not deviated from the diet yet have yet to lose any weight. This may partially be because the sandwich I ate today had bacon, avocado, roast beef, and ranch dressing. Perhaps the ingredients of the sandwich are more important than the fact that it is a sandwich. I suppose Jared Fogle didn’t lose weight by eating the Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich.

Okay! So my diet starts tomorrow. I am still trying to figure out how to build a healthy sandwich out of beef, bacon, and guacamole. When this happens, revolution will materialize as people recognize the futility of lettuce. If I went the rest of my life without lettuce of any kind, I think my life would be full and happy. My first report on the progression of my new Subway®  diet will be posted on Thursday. If you would like to join me, and are a girl, I would definitely be open to that.

I have arbitrarily decided that July 15 will be the first day that I will eat food that is not a Subway® turkey sandwich. I have already created an event on Facebook inviting women to a date with a skinny me on that evening. People have started to RSVP, but I’m pretty sure they did it as a joke. I don’t think anybody realizes how not much of a joke it is. I would really like to go out on a date as a thin person. I would like to cordially extend this exclusively Facebook invitation to 100hookup. If you will be in Houston on July 15, I am completely open to dating you. Also, I am open to dating you on any other date ever.

 In my previous blog entry I discussed how Facebook is becoming directly tied to online dating. Women will frequently want to check your Facebook to see if you are who you really say you are before providing a phone number.

Today I would like to talk about ways to make your Facebook account is worthy of those who check them. We want to update our profile with as many attraction builders as possible and avoid attraction killers at the same time. The following are a few suggestions for doing so:

1. Update your photo galleries. Infuse the pictures with attraction builders that create demand and high social value.

 2. Take down tagged photos that possess attraction killers. We don’t want any negative photos reducing attraction, showing us in a bad light, or making women think we are not exactly the most ideal candidates for a relationship.

3. Fix up that wall. If you have comments that show you in a bad light, take them down. On the flip side, keep comments that build value, especially ones from other women.

4. Don’t have too many messages from other women. Messages from multiple women show’s value (value is a key part of attraction building). Too many messages  will  make you look like a player and potentially have a negative effect.

Follow these guidelines and keep your Facebook profile in check.  These days this is more important than ever.