Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Emily.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tamar,

I’ve called 100hookup customer service and solicited the advice of some girlfriends, but so far nothing has helped.

I’m a fairly attractive and very smart/fun girl… in real life I get approached by a good number of smart and pretty good-looking guys. Online, however, very few guys message me (and almost none reply to my messages). Plus, all of the ones who do contact me are, frankly, poorly educated, inarticulate, and unattractive.

I don’t mean to be dismissive of these people but I just have the feeling that something is terribly wrong with my profile and is turning the ‘good’ guys off.

I suspect that my profile is too long (and I read that this can indicate desperation), but I put in all those details so that I could attract a like-minded guy. I’m afraid that a shorter and more generic profile will attract people I have nothing in common with.

Can you help me to figure out what’s wrong with my approach?

Thanks in advance.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Emily,

Thanks for writing in and letting me know that you updated your profile already. I agree, your previous one was far too long and this one is much better. Let’s start from the beginning though…

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name isn’t your name although it is a name, so that right there can be confusing. I’m a huge fan of Lucille Ball, so if you’re trying to reference her then at least incorporate a more obvious connection. If it’s some other reference then I’m personally not catching and maybe you want someone who does understand it but then you might end up losing people who aren’t in on the joke even though they don’t know that there’s a joke to get. I wouldn’t judge potentials on whether they do or don’t get your profile name. Of course, it would be very impressive and earn major points if a prospect mentioned the inside joke in his initial email to you but that is just one little connection. I would prefer you had a profile name which described you better.

PHOTOS
You have lots of great photos! Maybe too many though. I love your main photo and the second one with the red background, I also love the fourth one in the white dress and the eighth one in the green dress. The 11th one showing your side profile is super cute too. The others are not preferable to me for a few reasons — I don’t love the idea of alcohol in photos so that eliminates the 6th and 7th photos. The 12th one is just too small (low-resolution) of a photo that it’s a toss away. There are 2 others which have the ame background of the cool and colorful wall but you have enough photos that you don’t need to repeat. I do like the Halloween pic as it shows your fun personality but the third picture, the one in the black lace dress is just okay to me. I think you can do better with a full body pic (in a sexy dress like that one) with your great smile to match. I don’t think the full 12 pics is necessary. Your look is consistent in all 12, so if you just offered 6-8 that would be sufficient.

IN MY OWN WORDS
You’ve written some really eloquent paragraphs so I’m going to be pretty nit-picky with you. Under ABOUT ME, get rid of the word “boyfriend” and just keep that sentence to “friends.” In the last paragraph I would also remove the following: the part about books and about movies. I love a great book and indie flick too but you mention it a number of times throughout the entire profile (and of course it’s asked further down under MY FAVORITES) so this would be a good place to delete and shorten the response, including the last cutesy exclamation. Instead put something like “If you like any or all of these things too then maybe we’ll have more fun doing them together!” With MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS saying that you want to find someone you “really love” is, for lack of a better word, weird. Of course you should really love the man you marry! That’s a given. Alas, I get what you mean. Instead say “I hope my husband and I are passionately in love for the next 60 years” and then add in the rest of the sentence. I love your answer to MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and I think the remainder of your responses are all solid. You could shorten and tweak I’M LOOKING FOR as it is, literally, a tall order. I too had a height requirement but you can narrow that down yourself, you don’t necessarily need to say it in your profile as that may give a guy the wrong impression about your priorities when I know you truly prefer someone who is intellectual and cultural above everything else.

MY DETAILS
Your details all look pretty solid and reasonable. I applaud you for selecting a minimum age range a few years below your age and a maximum age range 10 years above. This is the perfect range. You do seem like the type of person who would be fine meeting someone who ended up being an “activity partner” but that’s not what you’re on 100hookup looking for, so there’s no problem with eliminating activity partner, friend and a date from the list of what you’re looking for.

I think you’re well on your way and your most recent trend of great guys writing to you will continue. If you want me to review some of your initial emails or responses, feel free to email me some examples. Good luck!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Robin.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Tamar,

Could you please view my profile and critique it? I know I need a new username, but have not been satisfied with any yet. I do not want to be too cutesy. Should it be random or more personal?

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Robin,

PROFILE NAME
I see that you added a new username but I’m confused that you used a name that’s neither your first nor last name (that I’m aware of). You’re a hot, smart mom so try and create a name which reflects that. Even if you do use your first name, adding a bunch of random numbers to the end is not gonna cut it. There’s the obvious “RockinRobin” or, if you want to use Lawren(ce?) then there’s plenty of alliteration with the letter L, including the work “love” which you can play with.

PHOTOS
Your photos are quite nice. They show your youthfulness, your fun side and your body shape. I don’t love the last photo of you pointing at a photo, it’s definitely the weakest photo in the bunch. And the one in the blue dress is stunning but you look older there than you do in all the other photos. You don’t need to delete, but I would move it to the end and then add another photo or two.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I always tell people not to write things in their paragraphs which will have to be updated. Like “Daniel” who wrote about his newborn nephew — well, that little baby is going to be a toddler soon enough and Daniel will have to update his profile, rather he should have put just “my new nephew.” Or “Michael” who talks about being in the real estate industry 10 years — next year will be 11 years and so on, rather he should say he’s been in real estate “since 2003″ or “since graduating college in 2003″ and so on. What I’m getting to is that for your daughters, you should just say “teenage daughters” or “young daughters” or something to that effect. Same goes for referencing anything pop culture, such as this year’s Oscar contenders. It’s okay to say that, simply reword it to say “all of 2012’s Oscar contenders.” Of course, I hope 100hookup helps you find your Beshert before next year’s Oscars, but just in case not…

You list your activities which are all sporty but then make a comment about “believe it or not” referencing your love of sports. If you were being witty, I unfortunately didn’t get it. If you were being serious, then why wouldn’t a person believe it when you have so many active hobbies?

DETAILS
I think you answered all of the questions in this category pretty well aside from your IDEAL MATCH’s education. As someone with a law degree, I’m sure you prefer a man who has some higher level of education. Also, I would possibly venture a year or two older in your maximum age range. I know you are very youthful and active, but so are many 70-year-olds. Also, answer “What I Do” under BACKGROUND as many people have law degrees and work in the legal field but without specifying it appears that you’re being purposefully vague.

You have a solid profile and I think you’re on your way. Your age will throw people off since you both look youthful and have teenage daughters, so I’m glad you selected a younger than expected age range minimum. I’m also glad you’re a good writer whose profile seems to reflect your personality well as an upbeat lady!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Naomi.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Tamar!

I just renewed my membership and am really hoping for success this time around. I started to update my profile and think I could use some help. Any suggestions on what’s working/not working at the moment? My profile name is a combination of my first and middle name, but I’m not locked down – should I consider something else? Also, what are your thoughts on my ‘own words?’ I’ll take any tips to help mold my profile into one that will attract some genuine attention.

Many thanks!

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Naomi,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name isn’t bad but it’s not as awesome as you are. There’s no way one would know that it’s a combination of your first and middle names plus there’s some random digits added at the end so it’s really kinda boring… and you’re not! Try something more like this: GetToKnowNaomi, DontSayNoToNaomi, or NaomiInNewEngland. Spunk it up a little bit!

PHOTOS
Love your photos! There are plenty to choose from and you exude confidence and consistency in each one. I would reorder them though and make it the following: keep the first there as your main photo, then make the last one of you dancing second, make the fourth one of your super close-up third, the full length in the dress should go fourth, sitting in the cool chair fifth, the orange top sixth and the one with the wine bottle last. That one is a cute picture but I don’t think it’s a great idea to have alcohol in a picture so close to the front.

IN MY OWN WORDS
I really like your “ABOUT ME” — I truly feel like I know your personality so I want to applaud you for one of the more well-written essays I’ve ever read. Therefore, I’m going to be nit-picky. Add a period after the word “dream” in the first line. Perhaps eliminate segments here and there which are repeated later in your other answers in order to make the essay a bit less lengthy. Next, fix the grammar in the beginning of your answer to “ON FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHTS I TYPICALLY…”

DETAILS
Answer the questions about your IDEAL MATCH wanting kids, as that is an important question. Extend your age range a few years. Since you’re almost 30 you should start creeping past the mid-30s range and into the late-30s range.

I’m glad you decided to give 100hookup another chance as I think you will do quite well here this time around. Welcome back! Not sure how long you’re going to last though… but for only the best reasons!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Simon.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tamar, 

I’ve been a 100hookup member for about 3 years now, made numerous changes to my profile, but nothing seems to happen.

Could you please take a look at my profile and tell me what I’m doing wrong? I have absolutely no clue.  

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Simon,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name is great — simple and straight to the point. Using your first name and pairing it with your birth year is a very easy way to create a unique profile name.

PHOTOS
Soooo…. your photos. They are so different from one to the next that I haven’t the faintest idea what you truly look like. The first one, a close-up, is sweet and the third one is great because it’s a full body shot and shows your height. I don’t know the timing of between the first and third and which is more recent but the third one makes you seem more slender and fit than any of the others. If that’s how you currently look then you need to immediately eliminate the second photo. You’re a big guy and that’s great — it’s hard to find a tall Jew! But the way you’re positioned in the second photo makes you look heavy. Now, my problem is that your face and hair look different from the first to the third photo which is why you need at the very least 2 more photos to show that your hair can be any length at any time in between haircuts. Yes, that sounds obvious, but people are making flash decisions and you don’t want anyone to question the age of your photos or the consistency of your look. Since your first and third photos are now the only two photos and both are posed, I would recommend you ask friends or family to start taking candid photos while engaged in a hobby or hanging out.

IN MY OWN WORDS
“ABOUT ME” is far longer than I prefer. You tend to be repetitive in places so I suggest reading it again and deleting any sentences which basically say the same thing you already said. I understand using different words to help get a point across, but “treating a woman right” can only be said so many times before it actually starts to come across as disingenuous. I love that you talk about the fact that you love life and mention some of the things you like to do. Specifically, I would delete the last line of the second paragraph as well as the third paragraph. Less is more in this case.

“MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS” should be a bit more detailed in the fact that you are still studying. So perhaps add: “My goal is to graduate with a degree in … and then find a well-paying job in a career path I am passionate about all the while having a loving woman and family by my side.” This way, finding a job doesn’t sound like you’re unemployed but rather still in school, which is the truth.

I’ll be very blunt with you, “MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP” is cheesy. I know that you are a romantic guy and that you are just being yourself and trying to express your sweet side, but it’s just not coming across the way you might think in this answer. You’ve already been very clear about how you respect women and treat them as such. You need to find a way to explain yourself in a less expected way. Here’s an idea: “My perfect relationship  is one in which we laugh a lot and, when we fight (because all couples fight at some point), we go back to laughing as soon as possible. I’m an affectionate guy and want a woman who shares that characteristic and whose hand I’ll still be holding when we’re old and wrinkled.” See how that got your statement across in a more genuine way?

DETAILS
I would delete the following: your weight (being honest in your “body style” is enough of an answer) and annual income (you are in college and say so, that’s plenty explanation as to the fact that you probably have an income lower than that of a typical person with a college degree working a full-time job). I would edit the following: age range should only be a minimum of 21 since you are in your mid-twenties and you should tighten the reigns on other items in “IDEAL MATCH” as it seems as though you selected everything under marital status/religion/education/smoking/drinking. I know you want to see who is out there and to spread as wide a net as possible, but are you honestly ready to marry a widowed, Hassidic, smoker who frequently drinks and only has an elementary level education? Doubtful.

Finally, double check your paragraphs as I saw a few typos here and there (a misuse of a semi-colon under “I’M LOOKING FOR…” and a lack of end-quotes under “YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MESSAGE ME IF YOU…” both of which are quite distracting. Other than that, I think with the changes you will see things start to happen!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Steve.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Steve,

PROFILE NAME
Alright, alright, your profile name (ie. your name with a little added attitude) is smart and yes, a little cocky in a funny way. Women do like confidence and your profile name exudes that confidence by exposing your humorous side. Continue the funnies in your paragraphs as the initial thrill of your profile name kind of dissipates as one reads your words.

PHOTOS
Great photos! Shows you’re well-rounded, well-travelled, active and fun. Only possible addition I would suggest is one with grandparents or nieces and nephews to also show your family side.

IN MY OWN WORDS
To continue what I was saying above, your profile name sets a standard of expected attitude — that being fun and witty — and I strongly suggest continuing that style throughout your paragraphs. You do so in MY PERFECT FIRST DATE and THE THINGS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT but ABOUT ME needs some of that humor too. You mention many exotic locales in THE COOLEST PLACES I’VE VISITED but you also call yourself “down-to-earth” in ABOUT ME so therefore you need to explain more about why traveling is important to you or how you’ve managed to visit such awesome places so women can connect to you better. Also, talk about your family and where you grew up and how you got to where you live now. Prospective dates need to feel a kinship with you.

DETAILS
A few notes here: answer the SMOKING question — people care if you’re a smoker or not — and adjust your AGE RANGE from 20-30 to 21-33 — a 20-year-old, although 10 years younger than you which is my normal preferred range is not appropriate for a 30-year-old, she can’t even go to a bar with you! I really prefer 23-33 for you, but a wider age range is better than a wrong one. Because of all the traveling you’ve done and the established career you have, I believe you would connect to a woman a few years older than you.

Finally, I know residents in Toronto and possibly even in Ontario will know where you live and where you grew up, but you may want to try a bit broader and actually put Toronto as where you live and then be more specific in ABOUT ME, as that will attract more women and then allow you to pare down your preferences from there.

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Robbie.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Robbie,

PROFILE NAME
I know your initials are in there, but I’m not quite sure what else you’re trying to say with the rest of the profile name. Sayings and acronyms only work if everyone is in on the joke. I know you have a sense of humor, so definitely find a way to use it in your profile name but only if everyone will get it.

PHOTOS
Great, consistent photos. Love the fun Mets picture and I’m leaning towards you making it your profile photo as it shows your personality. You’ve done a great job with close-ups, (almost) full length, smiling and serious photos. I would add another photo or two with something funny happening or doing an activity to round out the collection.

IN MY OWN WORDS
Pretty good answers here. So far. You talk about your humor and your love of movies but there’s a lot more to learn about you which you should add to the ABOUT ME section. Where are you from? What kind of childhood did you have? Parents/siblings/nieces & nephews? Where did you go to college? These are a few nuggets of information which give some insight into your background without revealing too much details that should otherwise be left to correspondence and first date conversation.

I would recommend answering the rest of the questions (What I Learned from Past Relationships, My Perfect First Date, A Brief History of My Life — which is where the info I mentioned above belongs).

DETAILS
Everything here looks good except for the few “not answered yet” questions, particularly AGE RANGE  and HAS/WANTS KIDS. Those are important questions to answer. You’re on the younger side being in your mid-twenties and that makes the age range narrower than it would be in your thirties and forties. I doubt you want someone who isn’t old enough to drink, so I think 22 should be your minimum and 28 should be your maximum right now. It’s narrower than I typically like, but it’s appropriate until you move into your late 20s (if you’re still single then). Finally, you state that you want kids so it makes sense to select “yes” when asked if you want to meet a woman who wants kids. Unless you feel strongly about a woman having children right now, then it’s okay to leave that blank but it’s even better to select “doesn’t matter” so that you don’t have blank spaces.

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Silvia.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Silvia,

Well, you know how I feel about numbers as your profile name — it is a terrible indication of how creative you are and how much effort you’ve put into your profile. One idea that comes to mind for you is an alliteration of the first letter of your name — S. So… SingleSilvia, SuperSilvia, SilviaSeekingSomeone, SilviaSays, and so forth. Or turn it into something more descriptive about you — GlamGram, NotYourTypicalBlonde, FloridaGlamma, I could keep going but I think you’ve got the idea!

The pictures you have are really nice. Since the first 2 are the same, I’d actually eliminate the first one and make the second one your profile picture because it’s slightly more in focus. The next photo makes you look quite different than the others so it could also be on the chopping block if you don’t have anything else to supplement. The last with your grandchildren is beautiful, but add a description that they are in fact your grandkids. You look great, and not just for a woman in her 60s! So add more photos showing off your youthfulness! Since I already suggested eliminating one and possibly two then you need to find at least two more to add, preferably one showing your full body.

I appreciate that you kept your “In My Own Words” answers short, simple and sweet, but I would add a little extra so that it doesn’t seem as though you breezed right through the questions without putting any effort into it. In “About Me” add a bit about how many kids and grandkids you have and how long you’ve been divorced. Then add something about your passion for your work or another hobby to round it out and direct the reader back to you and away from your history. Is there anything else you can add to what “I’m Looking For” to embellish it? Maybe… “A companion in a life filled with passion and joy” or something of the sort. Again, in “My Ideal Relationship” it sounds like you want a best friend because you don’t mention anything about a lover.

All your details are completed and you have a nice age range. The only item which stood out to me is that you describe yourself as Modern Orthodox but then say you only keep kosher at home and only go to synagogue on some shabbats. Maybe this should be addressed in About Me as it is confusing. Otherwise, I think by creating a profile name, adding a few pictures and adding some more description you should be well on your way to a successful 100hookup experience! Good luck!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Mara S.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Mara S.,

You have a complete profile which is very helpful when tweaking! I’m not in love with your profile name, although it has your name in it there’s no excitement or originality to catch a prospect’s eye. Starting off with your name is great but try to think of another word to attach to it to make it stand out and describe you better.

I like your profile picture and the subsequent full body photo, but I would much prefer they be two different photos rather than the profile pic just being a close-up crop of the full body. Keep it as your full body pic and use it as your profile pic until you take another really good close-up. I do like the other 5 photos as they show a consistency in your look, your fun personality and your family. Try to find a fancier, sexier top to wear for your close-up as there’s a lack of skin in your photos. Not saying you should put the goods on display, but a hint of sex appeal is necessary.

As for your “About Me” I think it’s way too long. I like what you say, but there’s just too much. I would keep it to the first two paragraphs and leave the last chunks of info for email correspondence or first date conversation. I’m glad you address your family situation and state that you are not looking for a replacement father for your sons or for financial support for your family. You are simply answering concerns which you know are out there when you’re a single mom.

All the other paragraphs are great up until “I’m Looking for” and “My Ideal Relationship” which again I think are a bit on the long side. There are also a few typos which I recommend fixing because each time I read through your paragraphs the typos made me stop for a second to figure out what was wrong with the spelling. I really love your “My Past Relationships” line though, short and sweet but most of all, honest.

Your age range is great and there’s nothing else in “Your Details/Ideal Match” that stands out except for the lack of response in the category of if a man “Wants Kids.” I understand why you didn’t answer it, but since everything else is addressed, this stands out even more.

I think your profile is pretty close to complete, just a few tweaks here and there, particularly having less of an essay and adding a sexy photo. Good luck!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Barbara D.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tamar,

I’m disappointed with the responses I’m getting — most of them are from across the country or from guys I find spooky. I would love a profile makeover.

-Barbara D

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Barbara D,

I love your profile name! It’s cute, unique, and I expect it reflects your sparkling personality. I’m sure lots of people see your profile name and think “darn, why didn’t I think of that first!”

Alas, your photos — or rather, lack thereof — leave much to be desired. One photo simply doesn’t cut it. And by now I’m sure you know I hate photos posed against blank walls. You’re tall, blonde and relatively young for a widow, plus as one reads in your profile, you have a great personality, so show all that off in your photos! Find photos with your kids or with friends where your natural smile and happiness are shining through. You can crop out the other people in the photos or simply describe who they are in your photo blurb.

In general, I’m a fan of your “In My Own Words” paragraphs. There a few typos here and there that could be fixed, but nothing major stands out to me that should be edited. Your personality comes through nicely. It’s obvious that you are an active person and that your life is pretty full already, but would be more meaningful if you had someone to share it with you.

I suggest going through your “My Details” section and answering more questions so that there aren’t as many empty sections that say “not answered yet.” Overall though, I think you will be a hot commodity once you add more photos and hopefully that will help attract more men in South Florida. Good luck!

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Justin D.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Miss Tamar,

My profile seems to be anti-attractive to women. I don’t know what’s wrong with it.  I’ve updated the essays numerous times and the current pictures are fresh and new.

A majority of the women I email check out my profile, but then don’t respond.  That makes me think my profile is the weak link.  I’m entering my third month on 100hookup and still no dates.  I receive a minimal amount of responses.  My response rate is close to zero.

I’d be grateful for any advice you could provide.  Please pile it on.  Don’t go easy.  =)  Tell me the truth, do I need to see my plastic surgeon?  Maybe you’ve heard of him?  His name is…Dr.Frankenstein. LOL!

-Justin D

______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi Justin D,

Thanks for writing in! Between your email and your profile I want to thank you for making me laugh! I think your profile is very well written with a nice balance of jokes and seriousness. So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of what can be made better.

I don’t like your pictures, not because you look like you visited Dr. Frankenstein, but because your photos don’t reflect your personality at all. I appreciate you following my advice and having a close-up and a full length photo but your pictures are boring. Have friends snap candid photos of you when you’re out and about or have family take photos of you when you’re celebrating a holiday or birthday. Your natural smile with a random background is always better than a staged photo in front of a white wall. Another option is to find a friend who is an aspiring photographer who would be willing to do a photo shoot with you outdoors. Finally, photos showing you participating in some of your hobbies (any pics of you from last season’s Super Bowl winning Ravens season with you at a game or watching a game wearing a jersey with some friends?) is always a great supplemental photo. You need to have a minimum of 4 photos with 6 being the optimal number to show personality and consistency.

That brings me to your details. I don’t think you need to be SOOO specific with your weight. You’re tall and skinny and women much prefer that than the opposite, but they don’t want to know that you weigh less than them. In Your Ideal Match, I would add “Marriage and Children” because you say so in your Life and Ambitions paragraph. Dating in your mid-20s is difficult because you don’t want to put too young of an age and end up with someone in college and not ready for marriage but you also don’t want to select too high of an age range and end with someone who’s jaded from their biological clock ticking. I think your selection of 22 is good and it should stay there until you turn 30 (if in fact you’re still single at 30 which I’m sure you don’t plan on being). But as you age your maximum age range should continue to stay 3 years your junior. That currently gives you a very narrow age range right now, but that’s okay. Your next birthday is fast approaching so you will soon enough expand your age range.

I really think it’s your photos that are hindering your success. Find or take photos that match your fun and funny personality and you’ll be on your way! That said, if you want me to review the emails you’re sending to the women then send me a sample because maybe you’re doing something wrong there. Good luck!