A long time ago, I wrote a blog that I never ended up posting about Damon Lindelof, the creator of the television show Lost. While that post wasn’t my greatest, and hence not one I chose to post, I constantly find myself thinking about Lost. Sometimes it’s because of the mysteries the show left unsolved — were we supposed to learn more about that giant foot? What happened in the mental hospital? Did Hurley actually eat the entire tub of ranch?

But really, my mind always comes back to Lost in a different sense, usually one that relates to dating. Every week Lost would end and there was a vague teaser of the next episode. That little bit had you glued to the TV most of the time, especially as the seasons got shorter and every episode started to leave viewers with more questions than answers. You had to know what happened next.

There is another example of this in romance. In One Thousand and One Nights, the king in the story framing the narrative kills every new wife after bedding them once. However, the narrator, Scheherazade, knows this before marrying the king and decides to keep herself alive by telling him part of a story on their wedding night. She doesn’t finish the story, leaving him curious, and he keeps her alive as she does this night after night.

Most of us are not trying to stop our deaths after being romantic with one another. However, I have found in my time that nothing sets up a great romance quite like planting seeds of what’s coming next. This was especially helpful in the year I spent largely beginning my relationships over Skype. Whether it was getting excited for the party we’d go to, the trip to Texas they’d make, or even just a simple dream of spending the day on Coney Island or a mystery date, it gave us an experience to look forward to together. And when those dates were done, I’d already planted the seeds for the next one, only to leave us craving more good times.

This can be a little dangerous — how do you keep building that momentum after so long? But at the same time, I believe the bigger danger is planting nothing, and letting a relationship fizzle as you question what to ask the person to do next. At a certain point it’s less necessary, but nothing begins a good relationship like exciting adventures that you pine for right after the last one.

A great blog about “15 Ways We Can Put an End to the Dishonest Dating Culture We’ve Created” echoes many of the same dating philosophies I put forth in the past few years while writing for 100hookup and in my book, “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern hookup Guide to Dating and Mating.” The author of the blog laments about how many missed opportunities there are due to going in circles while playing the dating game. She has a challenge for all singles out there: stop playing games by following the 5 tips below.

1. Go out on dates and have fun
2. Let the person you like know that you like them, and if they don’t like you back, then you’ve now saved yourself lots of time and energy
3. Don’t settle or change what you want in order to fit someone else’s needs
4. Don’t be afraid to get hurt, or use past relationships to stop you from making a commitment to a new relationship
5. Respect yourself and those you’re on a date with whether you want to go out on another date or not, it’s the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. That said, if you don’t like someone then don’t lead them on.

We’ve all been there. You’re out with someone you’re newly dating, it’s not a full-on committed relationship yet, and you run into someone who you used to date, and still have feelings for, or you run into someone you’d typically be interested in dating had you not met while with your date!

So, how do you make introductions without burning either bridge? Simple: don’t include titles. Say hello, introduce the person you’re with to the person you’ve run into by first name only, and don’t get flirty. Respect yourself by being respectful to your date. You can always send a quick email, text or Facebook message later that day letting the person you ran into know that it was nice seeing them.

Askhole: a person who constantly asks you for advice, but always does the opposite of what you tell them.

These people aren’t a**holes, per se, but it does make you wonder why they bothered asking for advice if they weren’t going to follow it.

Most singles tend to ask for advice because they’re hoping you are going to say what they were thinking, therefore confirming their intentions. So when your advice does not align with what they want to do (call him, text her, accept a weekend date late in the week, etc.), they will do it anyway. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

So take it in stride. Your advice is only your opinion, and it may or may not be the right advice. Or, your friend need to learn lessons the hard way. Each situation is different. Be there for your friends and don’t get upset if they don’t take your advice. And don’t say “I told you so” either. It’s always easier to give advice than it is to take it.

After nine years of watching every episode and looking for clues, How I Met Your Mother has finally come to an end… and the ending was not at all what loyal fans necessarily expected. As is life.

The writers were not going to wrap up the show in a pretty little package and tie it with a perfect bow, rather they were showing how life has twists and turns, and can get really ugly at times. They proved everything happens for a reason, and when it is supposed to (Ted wasn’t with Robin so he could meet Tracy and have his kids, Barney wasn’t with Robin so he could knock up a one-night stand and become a dad, then Ted gets to be with Robin anyway).

I have a similar rollercoaster of a story as to how I met my fiance and I’m sure you will eventually have yours as well. Mine definitely wasn’t pretty either, but — in hindsight of course — it went the way it was supposed to. Yours will too. Dating sucks sometimes, other times it’s exhilarating. Your path to meeting your beshert is going to unfold as it’s supposed to, be patient and just keep dating.

Everyone talks about learning lessons from your past so that you don’t repeat your mistakes, but you ought to also learn from your past in a positive way.

What did you like the most about your exes? What attracted you in a way that wouldn’t wane no matter how bad the relationship got? What did your exes do to make you happy? What were the reasons you wanted to stay with your ex? What kept you there when the going got tough?

Look for those same qualities in your next mate… and then of course remember the lessons you learned about from your past relationships which contributed to their demise (i.e. the negative stuff) and keep those things in mind as well.

In writing my blogs, I sometimes like to remember that it’s not only single people reading. So for this week’s piece, I went to one of the sturdiest relationships in my life, the marriage of my friends Alastair and Lauren. As we ate dinner together last week, I decided to ask them for advice on healthy relationships.

• On how they decided they were right for each other. Practicality is always king. Agreement on where you’re both headed is vital. Alastair and Lauren think of themselves as good roommates and think that, combined with their attraction, made for a great relationship. Common goals are also vital, and the practical understanding of the long-term blueprint was important in their relationship leading into marriage. They also trust each other immensely, and think of each other as their closest confidants. Money is an important point that comes up for them as something they immediately trusted each other with beyond just living together.

• On what keeps them happy. Anticipate the other person’s needs. For example, Lauren and Alastair cook for each other when one is stuck at work (or in a classroom with me, in Alastair’s case). Basically, do nice things without being asked and put your partner before yourself. Life isn’t having sex and talking about G-d, it’s making the decisions to help each other and keep life stable.

• On finding the right person for you. Find an environment that’s conducive for people being together regularly. hookup events, hobby groups, and universities (within limits — maybe not if you’re in your 30s or older and not in college) are great ways to find people. Finding a place where you’re comfortable with lots of people is great, and while the university option was how they met, they still have lots of faith in meeting at community events.

One final note I’d like to make is how much I enjoy having Alastair and Lauren and their fellow married friends in my hookup community. In Dallas, we don’t have “singles” events for young Jews, but rather events for young hookup people in general.  While some people don’t love the mixing of singles and couples (how can you tell who to hit on?), I think there’s an added value not just from the fact that those in relationships can also be great people, but in the fact that they can give you a sense of guidance in a very confusing dating landscape.

Having two people in as stable of a relationship as Alastair and Lauren is more than just a great reminder of what I aspire for, but also a great resource to help me get there. So couples of the hookup world, be sure to stay active in your community as my friends have, you never know who will benefit from your friendship, and the friends you can introduce them to.

Often times when I go on first dates, I’m asking myself (prematurely) if I can see myself having a future with this person. But not just a future in the sense of multiple dates… but in the sense of marrying them and spending the next 60 years with them. And did I mention this is all happening after chatting for just one or two hours? All that pressure sometimes ruins my initial perception of a person and instead of having a good time on a date, I find myself having these internal battles with myself.

Here’s what you should do instead:

• Do: Dates 1-3 should be measured based on how well you get along with a person and, of course, how much fun you have with them. Do they interest you? Do you want to see them again next week? Make your judgments based off those questions.

• Don’t: Start picturing your wedding or your old-age days with this person. They will see this internal battle on your face, in your gestures, and in your responses. It’ll make you seem and feel disinterested in someone who could potentially be a great match.

Follow Jen here: @tthingsilearned

A common question comes up when I’m coaching men on how to successfully get dates with beautiful women.

“How come she hasn’t responded yet?”

Now, this could be through online messaging, texting or even Facebook. Let me set the scene…

You get the girl’s number from online or maybe at a bar. You know the right move is to text instead of call (and if you don’t know the right move then check out my youtube channel for that answer https://www.youtube.com/trippadvice)

Back to the story…

You have the number and you’re ready to say something. You send that glorious message and…

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

How come she hasn’t responded yet (you think for the millionth time).

Well I can’t tell you why she hasn’t responded necessarily, because I don’t know your specific story. But, I can give you some sage advice on how to get her to respond to your messages.

ASK A QUESTION!

Common sense? Maybe. But, how come I never see men ever use this amazing “technique”? If you want a girl to respond to your texts and/or messages then end the message with a question.

Give her a REASON to respond. She will need that in order to give a response. When we see the question in our inbox, phone, etc. it gives us purpose to continue communicating. Most guys end messages with stuff like:

“Hope all is well”
“Hope to hear from you”
“Talk soon”

Bad. Bad. Bad.

This will not necessarily garner a response from her. It’s a gamble. In order to keep the conversation moving ask her something and give her the REASON to respond to you.

I know what you’re thinking at this point. Well, Tripp, what if she doesn’t respond? Then what?

Well, at that point you’ve just given yourself a lot of well needed information. If she’s not keeping up with conversation and won’t bother to answer your questions via messages, then you can safely assume she (or he) is not interested and you’ve done something wrong.

Maybe your previous message wasn’t witty enough.

It’s possible when you met her out that you didn’t get her attracted.

At the least you now know to do something different for the next time.

What do singles want? An online survey (taken by Market Tools Inc.) of more than 5,000 singles over the age of 21 said the first thing they judge about their date is… teeth. Why teeth? Teeth are an indication of your overall health.

So, make sure you:

• Floss the night before a date so your gums aren’t still swollen the next day
• Brush your teeth right before a date
• Pop a piece of minty gum in your mouth as you approach your date
• Don’t eat or drink anything on your date which will stain your teeth (ie. red wine) or smoke.

Even if you’re a smoker and your date is okay with that, try to not smoke after brushing your teeth until the date is over. You could have crowded teeth or a bad bite, but as long as your teeth are clean and white — and your gums are pink and healthy — then fret not, you will pass judgment.

Of course, you should floss regularly and brush your teeth twice a day and not smoke at all, but we all know that’s not always going to happen!