Dating Drunk
by JeremySpoke
under Date Night
I go to the same bar every Friday after work regardless of whether I can find someone to meet me there or not. My adventure continued last Friday. I got there at about six, and it was more crowded than usual. That was probably because it was freezing outside as the outdoor seats were empty. Of course, my body only reacts to below zero temperatures, which have never actually existed, because I live in Houston, so how do I know? It’s because sometimes I’m not in Houston. Usually I am though, because bad things tend to happen to me when I leave.
I finally found a seat at the bar. It wasn’t easy, as there were no seats. All I had to do was wait until one person in a large party at the bar went to the bathroom, and then all I had to do was swoop in and pretend that I was that guy. This method immediately presented challenges as the group was already extremely trashed and they violently asserted that I was not their friend. I ran away and hid in the back until enough time had passed for this party to leave.
When I came back, there were plenty of seats. I sat down and started drinking. My date would be coming in two hours and I didn’t want to be sober. I’ve been sober on dates. I was all second guessing everything I was saying, and listening to the things she was saying. This was just way too much talking and listening. This time, I wanted to listen to nothing she was talking about yet act equally excited every time she spoke.
I can’t write about the actual date, though, because I don’t remember most of it. Needless to say, she won’t be contacting me again.
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