I am reaching a critical point in my life. My job affords me enough money to possibly buy a new car, yet I am morally opposed to buying something when I can just as easily not buy it and have a lot more money. I drive a 1997 Volvo S90. It is fantastic. It provides every luxury demanded by my cosmopolitan lifestyle. Namely, the air conditioning works and the wheels turn.

I started thinking, though, that in order to date successfully, I should get a car that isn’t the personification of my lifetime of shortcomings. Maybe there’s more to life than a functional air conditioner and an AM/FM radio. I don’t want to be that guy with all the high tech gadgets like tinted windows and power steering. I got so caught up in the comfort of American amenities that I forgot who I was inside. I don’t need a working radio or seatbelts in order to live. I need seatbelts that are approved by some government organization.

Assuming that I decide to buy a new car, I will have to cut back on my already cut back lifestyle. First, I will have to cut my three meals a day to one Snickers bar a day. I will have to stop texting and talking on my phone. My parents will have to go a few years before knowing that I am okay. Also, I will have to go a little while with no health, life, or car insurance. I think it will be alright if I find the love of my life and don’t die in the process.

One thing I had to remind myself of recently is that it is critical to take note of behavior patterns from the very beginning.

There are often times when a first date goes pretty well.  The laughter is there.  The attraction is being built.  The person you are dating seems like a good girl.

But theres that one tiny little thing at the very end of the night that just keeps you wondering, “Hmmm, “I loved everything, but why did she say that?”  Or, “Why did she do that?”

These minuscule moments may have even bothered you.  For example, perhaps your date said something that seemed overly clingy for a first date, or came across as nagging.

Although this may have been a fleeting 10 second moment, these are critical moments to take into account.  Behaviors that only appear in small doses or flashes in the very beginning of knowing someone, only get worse and worse as time goes on.

So the next time you are on a date, do not just dismiss behaviors that seem small.  Take into account that observing behavior patterns early on could be very important down the road.

How can you tell if the reason someone is breaking your date is the truth or just an excuse to get out of going out with you? Since most of the planning for my dates is done via text message it is often difficult to interpret the true tone of what the other person is saying. Additionally, since it is common practice nowadays to throw around exclamation points and smiling faces in text messages it is also difficult to tell whether someone is truly expressing excitement in what they’re saying or if that’s just how they end all of their messages.

Personally I try to be straightforward in my texts since it can be very easy for people to misinterpret the messages they receive. Also, I try to maintain a good rapport and vibe with my texting leading up to the first date so that we can build a stream of momentum that will hopefully carry over once we meet. However what happens when out of the blue you receive a text cancelling your date due to a seemingly reasonable excuse such as that they had to work late? How am I supposed to interpret this information in the moment so that I don’t get down on myself by thinking I did something wrong?

Obviously it’s believable that the person you are supposed to go out on a date with had to unexpectedly work late; but it is also reasonable to assume an excuse this convenient could signal they were just looking for a way out of the date that didn’t hurt your feelings. Either way the bigger problem I have with this situation is what I am supposed to do following their cancellation? Personally I think that if you cancel a date, for whatever reason, you should be the one who initiates rescheduling it. Yet I would never want my silence or passive behavior to indicate to the other person that I am no longer interested.

On the other hand if they were trying to cancel our date because they no longer wanted to go out I don’t want to look foolish by continuing to message them when they are trying to push me away without hurting my feelings. Ultimately there is no ideal way to handle these types of situations and I guess it really comes down to whether or not your previous dating experiences have led you to be as skeptical of these kinds of excuses as they have for me. In the end the only thing you can really do is to wait and see how they handle things after cancelling your date because if two days later you don’t hear from them then you probably have your answer.

Whatever Morgan Spurlock was feeling after about twenty days of nothing but McDonald’s® in the film, Super Size Me, I am feeling the exact opposite after my third day of only Subway®.  I have more energy.  I miraculously somehow have 20/20 vision.  I have the same sense of smell as a dog, the same amount of memory as an elephant, the adorableness of a kitten.

In reality, it has only been three days.  Not much feels that different.  However, my weight is coming off nicely, and hopefully by July 15, I will at least appear presentable for my open casting call for a date.  Either that or I will starve to death with a sub sandwich in my mouth and an unattainable dream of being skinny in my heart.  My craving for non-Subway® food is still bearable.  I am not yet sick of turkey, applicable vegetables, or honey mustard.

Next, I should pick a location for the event.  A restaurant, though cliché, would be a good venue as I will want non-Subway® food more desperately than I will want a girlfriend.  I should warn the Western world that I will probably pay little to no attention to my date during the commencement of the eating of the food.  Maybe I should call the date off and go by myself to a steakhouse.  Or I could take my talents to an all-you (I)-can-eat buffet.  Or I could take a tour of an ice cream factory or a slaughterhouse.  That is maybe a little too morbid.  The poor ice cream.

I believe though, that this date may be great because my main objective will be to fill my stomach.  Once that is satisfied, there will be no pressure or disappointment.  I think that this may turn out to be great.

I always experience one constant feeling after a date, no matter how well or badly it went. That is, an intense feeling of hunger. Since I work late the earliest I am able to meet for a date is 7:30, but on some occasions it can be as late 8:30 or 9:00. Since I typically go out on dates during the week this is often times too late for the woman I am going out with to eat dinner, therefore we usually just grab drinks and, if I’m lucky, split a small bite.

I work on the far south side of Chicago, and every place I could conceivably meet a woman in order to go on a date is located north of me; therefore it is easy for me to always drive straight from work to a date.  Usually for a first date I like to suggest a place where we can comfortably sit, have a drink and order food if we want, but often times my dates will have eaten right before we meet and therefore won’t be very hungry.

Since I no doubt raced to the date straight from work – changing on my way out the door and, once in a while, doing my hair in the car to avoid being late — I always show up to dates starving. Furthermore, if the woman I am on a date with isn’t interested in eating then I never order anything because I’m just not comfortable sitting there stuffing my face when she’s not having anything to eat.

Of course, knowing that this is going to be the feeling that I enter every date with, I could make the necessary adjustment and either eat something on my way, or make sure that we specifically make plans to eat dinner during the date. Usually, however, I like to keep it open-ended and just go with the flow of the evening based on how we are both feeling. Unfortunately, a side effect of planning things this way is that if we don’t eat I have to go through the entire date hungry. Additionally, I realized recently that as a result of my empty stomach the effects of the drinks we have are magnified and therefore I need to closely watch my consumption so that I am able to drive home.

I know that this particular problem might seem silly, and most people reading this could list off the top of their head a half-dozen reasonable solutions; however this is the way that I am most comfortable approaching first dates. So, even though it doesn’t seem rational, I’m going to probably keep things this way, which means I’ll just have to suck it up if on my next date if we don’t order any food knowing that after it’s over I’m going to have to race home and make a frozen dinner.

Is there anything worse than being on a date with a person whom you never want to see again?  Okay, aside from disease, starvation, and the WNBA, is there anything worse than being on a date with a person whom you never want to see again?  It’s miserable.  Your date is so annoying.

You think the date is going well at first, because dates always start out great.  You pick her up and you’re both smiling like idiots and she seems really interested in everything she has to say.  Then you worry that her sensibilities are too delicate for your tastes, but then she makes a joke and you think that everything is going to be okay.  But everything is not okay.  You slowly realize that you don’t like this person and the $50 lobster that you ordered will not be enjoyed with good company.

However, not all is lost.  Remember, you are never going to see this horrible person again.  Go ahead, tell her your deepest secrets.  Ask if she will pay for dinner.  Since most people don’t like confrontational situations, she probably will.  Now that lobster isn’t going to be so bad.  You are going to enjoy it for free with the knowledge that you can do whatever you want to in front of this person.  Tell her that you just got out of prison on appeal for murder.  Who cares.  When life hands you lemons, eat a lobster.

Back in the Kibitz Corner, 100hookup wants to know: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done on a date? Here are some of our favorite answers!

Climbed out the bathroom window and left.

-MizMore, 42, Single, Woman seeking a Man, Boca Raton, FL

Choked on a sandwich and my date had to do the Heimlich to clear my throat passages. Then the chicken came flying out of my mouth. It wasn’t pretty at first, […]but then everyone in the restaurant applauded my date for saving my life.

-MeryllM1961, 49, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, E Northport, NY

Sang Turkish patriotic songs in Speedos at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC.

-NotSoReal, 36, Single, Man seeking a Woman, New York, NY

Flew from Philadelphia to NYC for dinner. Drove three hours round trip for The Kitchen Sink (a 20 scoop ice cream sundae.) I was younger then…

-Gladeswhi…, 59, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, Miami, FL

Sprinted away from my date, while chasing a thief who stole an old lady’s purse at the ice cream store. Thief went to jail, lady got her purse back, the date itself… didn’ […]t go so well.

-BuilderAL, 25, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Naperville, IL

First date, took her to a shooting range. Was totally spontaneous, spur of the moment and we had a blast. She had never even held a gun before and found she was a natural […]marksman…couldn’t get her to leave. Then we went to play laser tag. Crazy, fun evening.

-118987859, 42, Divorced, Man seeking a Woman, Davie, FL

“Hijacked” a front-loader, in the middle of the night, from the marine base in San Diego.

-1debswish, 49, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, Irvine, CA

Impromptu Cubs game. Lame, I know. I need to do more adventurous stuff on dates. Want to crash a Quinceañera? Get matching facial piercings? Stalk a celeb? Steal a Vespa?

-carmensan…, 35, Single, Woman seeking a Man, Chicago, IL

Bad crazy was a first date with a guy who took me out to an elaborate dinner with his parents–for their anniversary. Huh???

-Galya, 48, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, Albuquerque, NM

Walked out of the restaurant after she asked me: “I need to know how much money you make so you can give me what I want, and how fast can you get promoted to a position of […]more responsibility and money?”

-hookup ga…, 47, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Mineola, NY

I think that the place someone picks or suggests for a first date can, in some cases, tell something about them. Perhaps a female would have better perspective than Isince, as the asker-outer, I am normally the one who ends up suggesting the activity or meeting spot; I would still like to offer up my two-cents on the topic, anyway.

As someone who puts a great deal of consideration into where to take a woman on a date, I am always trying to suggest places that will we be different or off the beaten path. Therefore, if a woman was to suggest to me that we go to a generic place where everyone and their brother knows about, I might be slightly put off by the lack of imagination in their suggestion.

You see, for me, a first date is a time to test people a little bit – see if they are really willing to try new places and venture away from their neighborhoods to explore all that the city (of Chicago) has to offer. I honestly think that it’s fun to take people out of their comfort zones a little bit by taking someone to place that they admittedly haven’t been or to an area they don’t frequent very often.

Tonight I am going out on a date with a woman, at her suggestion, to a restaurant whose cuisine I haven’t ever tried, in an area that I’m not very familiar with, and to be quite honest am very excited about our impending adventure. This isn’t to say that if a woman suggested a generic place for a first date that I would write her off, because there is something to be said for that approach. HOwever, the fact that this woman would suggest this particular restaurant for our first date indicates something cool about her to me that I am looking for a in a woman.

Most people in life live fairly logical lives.  We are presented with a decision and then must decide logically which decision is worth making.

These types of situations often occur on a date.  We may be having an outstanding time with a beautiful woman and want to extend the date.  It’s starts getting kind of late and the question pops up,

“So do you want to come over?” or “You want to do something else?”

This is where the rational part of the female mind steps in thinking of all the reasons why she should not come over.

“I have work tomorrow.” “I haven’t yet been to this person’s home, I feel uncomfortable.”  Etc.

When trying to present opposing reasons as to why these women should hang out anyway in a reasonable manner, it will be a lost cause.

Saying things such as, “You will be home early don’t worry about it.”  “I only live five minutes away.”  Or “Don’t worry, my house is in a great neighborhood” are a wasted cause.

Instead, you need to go on emotions.  Make the date so fun that she will throw rationality out the window.  Build attraction to such intense levels that she won’t care whether it’s a good idea.  Emotions are how to win over beautiful women, not rationality.  When people have enough fun they just do not care whether or not staying up until all hours is the most responsible thing because the sacrifice is worth it.

Master the art of doing so, and you will find your online pick up success increasing every day.

On my quest for hot love I have already told many tales via this blog.  Some have been good, some have been bad, but all have been transitory.  There are no finished stories.  I suppose if one story played out completely, I wouldn’t have a reason to write in this blog.  I would have already found the love of my life and would have won the lottery.  Also, I wouldn’t have time to write here because of my busy television/radio/movie career.  I would visit 100hookup from time to time to check out all the other singles on their quests for happiness.

Of course, I am still one in a sea of unfortunate singles.  I visit 100hookup every day looking for the cement to fill the hole in my heart.  It’s usually a fulfilling experience.  I might get an email from a cute girl, or start up an online chat with a different cute girl.  After that, it is sometimes difficult.  I am often skittish about pursuing a relationship.  Asking a girl to dinner seems too forward, while not asking her out seems too cowardly.  I often take the lesser known middle route and hint at dinner.  That often comes out way creepier than either of the first two options and usually ends up sounding like, “So, like, since we know a little about each other, maybe we could get to know each other a little better.”  Therefore, I have found that it is never advisable to hint at a date.  You’re not writing a bad porno here (unless you want to); you’re asking someone out to dinner.  Just go all in.

In the same vein as my “go all in” theory, I sometimes blitz 100hookup.  If there are several people online in my area at the same time, I will instant message them all at once.  This can be seen as a last act of desperation, but I see it as efficiency.  When doing this, I often get multiple responses.  I gave up on limiting my options to people who share the exact same interests as me long ago.  This is mostly because there aren’t any people who fit these criteria.  Also, I realized that I don’t want to be around people who are too much like me.  I can hardly handle just one of me.  I will keep blitzing the site until I alienate all girls in the Texas area.  That may be the only way to find the one.