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Feb 9

Passive-Aggressive

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

I am the most passive-aggressive person of all time. That is just a really nice way of saying that I’m a wimp. I avoid confrontation whenever possible. When somebody cuts me off on the freeway, I speed up until I’m next to them, and then I give them a thumbs up. I have to assume that they know that I’m being sarcastic. Of course, they have no idea that my thumbs up has a dark secret. The sarcastic thumbs up is the home-schooled sibling of the middle finger.

Today, I had to go to my cable provider’s store because they apparently required customers to pick up an adapter or else the cable would not work. They, of course, did not warn us of this until they turned the cable off yesterday. When I walked in, there were two separate and very long lines of people. The woman who greeted me asked what I needed. With a huge grin and a loud, overtly-friendly voice, I said, “Hi! I’m looking to wait in the longest line possible!” The woman just laughed figuring I was just being friendly. After I waited in the thirty-minute line to pick up the thing so that I can use the thing that I’m already paying for, I got to the front of the line. The man at the computer asked what he could do for me. “Hi! I would like to be able to watch the cable that I’m already paying for!” He repeated what I had said as if nobody had ever complained to him before. Unlike the woman at the front, he knew that I was not being affable. He also knew that I didn’t have the balls to just be openly angry like a normal person. Still, he was a professional. He asked how many adapters I needed. I asked what the minimum was before I had to pay for them. He said it was two. “Two then.” When he gave them to me, I said, “Great! So this should work until the cable crashes again, right?” He tried his best to not roll his eyes and smile. While walking out the door, I found the same greeter lady and said, very loudly, “Gee whiz, this is all so convenient! Thank you!” “You’re very welcome, sir!” she answered. Still oblivious.

I hope that once I’m in a relationship, I will have grown enough balls to tell my girlfriend how I really feel. Up until right now, I haven’t been able to do that. I pretend to be happy-go-lucky and just agree with everything. Of course, I don’t want to be mean to anybody, I just want the courage to state my opinion. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck giving thumbs up to the end of liberty.

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