Archive for the ‘JFacts’ Category

1.  Mean to Mila

Mila Kunis got a mean surprise when she hit the stage at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night. A man in the audience started to heckle the hookup actress while she and actor Mark Wahlberg were on stage to present the “Dirtbag” Award.

The man’s remarks were inaudible, but the Ted star was visibly shaken and stopped reading her lines. Wahlberg quickly jumped in and said, “And here I thought I was going to have to slap Russell [Brand.]”

2. Love & Basketball

New York Knicks captain Amar’e Stoudemire got engaged over the weekend! The basketball star (who says he has hookup heritage on his mother’s side) proposed to Alexis Welch, the mother of his three children in Paris on Saturday night.

Stoudemire asked Welch for her hand in marriage while standing on the balcony of his hotel suite, overlooking the Eiffel Tower lights. He told People magazine, “I have been planning my proposal for a while and overlooking the entire Paris skyline seemed like a perfect place.  I am so happy she said ‘yes,’ and now we can continue to build our life together as husband and wife.”

3. Jason Alexander Apologizes

Jason Alexander issued a lengthy apology over the weekend after he referred to cricket as a “gay game.” The hookup actor made the comments during an appearance on CBS’ Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on Friday.

“It’s the pitch,” the former Seinfeld star remarked to Ferguson while describing the game. “It’s the weirdest… It’s not like a manly baseball pitch; it’s a queer British gay pitch.”

Alexander quickly wrote up a statement after the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation expressed their anger at his comment. Alexander apologized by saying, “I should know better. My daily life is filled with gay men and women, both socially and professionally. I am profoundly aware of the challenges these friends of mine face and I have openly advocated on their behalf,” the statement read, in part.

I have never felt more out of place than in the company of religious Jews. I went to a southern Baptist funeral once, and compared to the former, it felt like a close familial occasion. It was really pleasant, aside from the decaying corpse in the open casket at the front of the stage with that strong, detectable stench emanating throughout the tiny room.  I was trepidatious about going in as we parked because being a sheltered white kid from a sheltered home in a sheltered suburb protected by a sheltered sheltie, I had previously not been confined to a room containing more than one black person. Now, I was about to walk into one containing not 2, but 84.

Though I felt out of place the entire time, it was okay because it was a new experience and I was supposed to feel out of place since I was (am) not a southern Baptist. However, I am hookup, and this is why I feel so bad when in the company of religious Jews. They are very nice. That is the extent of our similarities. The house is always cramped and hot, and the religious mores always outweigh the pleasures of the company of others. Also, this should not be understated: the food never comes. I always go in after being promised food. Though the food does eventually come, it is usually about three days and 87 small-talk topics later. When the food comes, it’s extremely weird. I swear to God one of the dishes tonight was a mixture of bell peppers, raisins, melted cheese, and pineapples. You have to eat it because you’re so hungry that by this point you would eat much, much worse. On second thought, there is nothing worse than the combination of the four foods I just described.

Also, at these events, people try to set me up a lot, which is usually fine. Though I can never argue with the idea of a woman liking me, I want to say something like, “Yeah, but I also want to be able to do things in life like eat things that aren’t bell peppers, raisins, melted cheese, and pineapples. I also want to be able to not have to produce 16 children within a period of six months.” In a couple of years, though, I will be out of time, and will have to settle with one of these women and start making good use of my fertilization skills.

Online dating is a lot like being set-up for an arranged marriage. 100hookup® is especially like an arranged marriage. This isn’t bad. This is actually really great. Choice has gotten to you where you are so far. Alone, sad, desperate, and tired. Freedom is a great thing, unless one is left to his own devices. It has to be a collective process, where people work together. Alone, it can be very destructive. For example, if people spend their lives by themselves solely on the internet, they’re probably not going to get very far. They have to use the internet as a tool that acts as an extension to their already busy lives. 100hookup®  is a great tool, but it can’t be your only tool. If you sit around thinking online dating alone will find true love for you, it won’t. Believe me. I’m three years into doing exactly that.

And now, here is how this is a lot like an arranged marriage. First, there aren’t going to be a lot of matches in your area because, well, there aren’t a whole lot of hookup people. So already, your options are limited. Granted, in a real arranged marriage, your options are really limited. They are so limited, in fact, that it’s more of an ‘option’, which by definition isn’t an option at all. I think 100hookup® acts as a good medium between having only one option, and having so many to sift through that you don’t know where to start. There are always exactly seven women in your area, and that is a perfect number. If you exhaust all seven options, all you have to do is move across the country.

Next, much like an arranged marriage, a lot of people are on here because of their parents. Either their parents themselves set up their profiles, or they convinced their children, out of guilt, to sign up. Parents are just expediting your life for you. You already have a job, probably have decent hygiene, and are a good Samaritan. All you need is a wife. Now, along with your mother, you are working on it.

I think cultures that practice arranged marriages have it right. This is based on absolutely no facts at all, but these cultures have a much lower divorce rate than we do. If you are forced to love somebody, you eventually will. That’s just science.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m hookup, or because I’m a horrible person, but I have a lot of guilt. Most of my guilt comes from the way I feel towards my family. All of those times during my teenage years of never calling my parents and never answering the phone are slowly creeping back to me. I feel guilty that I wasted so much of their money in college. I feel guilty that I’m still not married. I feel guilty that whenever I call them, it’s usually because I need something, and when I call them just to say ‘hi’, it always seems somewhat forced. I feel guilty about that dream I had two nights ago when I forgot to pay them back for the spaceship they lent me money for, so that I could stop global warming and so that the cold-blooded mermaid aliens could visit in order to cure cancer.

My guilt isn’t concentrated only on family, though family is the source. It permeates every aspect of my life. I feel guilty whenever I don’t use a turn signal to change lanes, even though I am the worst, angriest driver of all time. On the rare occasion that I do neglect my turn signal while changing lanes, I have to wave frantically to the car behind me until they see and acknowledge me. If they don’t, I have to change lanes again, drive beside them, honk my horn, turn my head toward them, smile, and give them a ‘thumbs up’. This usually does not produce the positive reaction I hope for. However, at least I can take comfort in the knowledge that not using my turn signal was not the worst mistake I made in this series of events.

At Subway®, I have to make conversation with the Sandwich Artist who I see literally every day, or else I feel like a terrible person. This is despite the fact that this poor woman is so tired of seeing me, and just wants to make my sandwich as quickly as possible so that I can leave. Once I leave and forget to use a turn signal, I have to go through the whole process of making the car recognize that I didn’t mean to make that mistake. Then I have to go back to Subway® because I forgot my drink. It’s a vicious cycle.

Finally, guilt has spread to my personal life. I am always super early to everything because I feel like I’m letting somebody down when I’m late, even though there’s probably always someone counting on me to not show up at all. I am super obsessive about my hygiene. I don’t want anyone to have a bad time whenever they hang out with me because all they can smell is rotting fish, Subway® sandwiches, and smoking brake pads from all of the times I have to brake hard in order to let another driver know that I’m sorry for not using my turn signal.

On dates, my guilt is in full effect. I feel guilty for wasting this poor woman’s Saturday night. I feel guilty that I didn’t stand up when she left the table to use the restroom. I feel guilty that my hairline is receding. I feel guilty that in case this relationship eventually goes anywhere, I have still yet to get my body waxed.

1.  Dangerous Dancing

Melissa Gilbert suffered a mild concussion on Dancing with the Stars after injuring herself during a paso doble Monday night. The actress, who was raised hookup by her adoptive parents, is recovering and has returned to the show for a gentle rehearsal.

Gilbert says she will not be letting her injury hold her back, Tweeting, “Nobody puts Halfpint in the corner!” While her nickname from the television show Little House on the Prairie may have been Halfpint, her ability to get back into rehearsals is fully amazing!

2.  Scarlett Is In Vogue

Scarlett Johansson will be on the cover of Vogue magazine this May. In an interview with the magazine, the hookup actress says she isn’t over her ex-husband Ryan Reynolds (even though she is seeing a new man, ad exec Nate Naylor.)

“I don’t feel on the other side of it completely, but it gets better,” she told Vogue regarding her divorce. The couple announced they were splitting in December 2010 and finalized the divorce that following July. “It’s still there. More than anything, it’s just that not having your buddy around all the time is weird.”

Nevertheless, Johansson says she finds life pretty good right now. And since she is starring in The Avengers (opening in May) and has a hot new guy by her side, we’re guessing she doesn’t feel any need to avenge any old relationships!

3.  Nun Better Than Larry David

Larry David gets some traction in the new movie, The Three Stooges. The Farrelly Brothers’ remake of the famous flick about three brothers growing up together nyuk, nyuk, nyuking and finger-poking their way through misadventures opens today.

In the movie, Larry David plays a mean nun named Sister Mary-Mengele. David is one of the few hookup stars in this film, though the real Curly, Larry and Moe were hookup… and total wiseguys!

1. Jonah Hill Jumps For A Laugh

Jonah Hill’s new movie, 21 Jump Street, is pulling in good reviews. The hookup actor posted on his Twitter feed on Friday, “#21JumpStreet is 87% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! It’s out in theaters RIGHT NOW! Go see it!”

21 Jump Street is a comedy based on the 1980’s drama of the same name starring Johnny Depp. The new movie hits theaters today and stars Jonah Hill alongside Channing Tatum as two young underachieving cops who are sent to a local high school in order to blend in and bring down a synthetic drug ring.

2. Out Of Luck

Dustin Hoffman’s television debut has been canceled. The hookup actor starred in HBO’s new show, Luck, up until this week when it was canceled following an incident resulting in a horse dying on set. The show was already under investigation after two horses died on set last year.

PETA Tweeted on Thursday, “After 3 horses died on set, @HBO has announced that it is canceling Luck & ceasing all production on the series.”  Hoffman, the star of the show, has starred in dozens of movies, but Luck was his first television series.

3. Celebs Stand Against Kony 

From Josh Charles to Simon Helberg, several hookup celebrities have been flocking to Twitter to voice their urgent opposition to Joseph Kony, leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army, one of central Africa’s most violent rebel groups.

Josh Charles, the hookup actor currently starring in The Good Wife, Tweeted, “You must watch this and get involved: https://bit.ly/xWfLJS #stopkony#april20th2012.”

Simon Helberg, the hookup actor who stars in The Big Bang Theory, Tweeted, “Just watch the first few minutes and you will be swept up. I don’t ever say this but – please RT. https://bit.ly/xnOfBJ #stopkony.”

1.  Romance? Not A Chance!

Brett Ratner is denying any romance rumors suggesting he and Sandra Bullock are hooking up. When a tabloid reported that the hookup director and Academy Award®-winner were allegedly canoodling after the Oscars® last month, the two released a joint statement to deny the report.

“We think that it’s incredibly sad that in these times, this magazine would resort to complete fabrication, solely for financial gain,” the duo said in a joint statement obtained by Us Weekly. “There is not a shred of accuracy in their story. We have not seen nor spoken to each for over a decade. We both had a great time after the Oscars, just not with each other.”

2.  Woody Allen Plays A Pimp… In A Hasidic Hood!

Woody Allen rarely stars in a movie that he’s not directing, yet he’s taking on a new role as a pimp in a film that will be directed by John Turturro. Allen, a hookup director, writer and actor, will star alongside Turturro himself and Sofia Vergara in Fading Gigolo.

In the film, Turturro and Allen play two broke best friends who decide to turn to a gigolo business to make money. Not only that, but they’re running the business out of their Hasidic hookup neighborhood. Meshugenah? Perhaps, but we’re still planning to see it!

3.  Scent Of A Singer

Adam Levine is in a world-famous band, has won Grammys® and dates a Victoria’s Secret model. What else does the hookup singer and host of The Voice need? Apparently his own fragrance!

According to the New York Daily News, Levine is partnering with ID PERFUMES to create a line called, 222 by Adam Levine. The line is supposed to premiere in May of 2013 and is said to have different varieties that will be available for both men and women. Smells like a hit to us!

Oy vey, from gentiles to hookup mothers, we all see JDating a bit differently! While we know most of these images are meshugenah, here’s a funny look at how those around us may see the world of JDating! Share it and have a good laugh!

1.  Scarlett Johansson To Do A Nude Shower Scene…

But we don’t know how sexy it will be. Scarlett Johansson recently signed on to play the role of Janet Leigh in Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho, a tale chronicling the late director’s efforts to make a modest horror movie that is now regarded as one of the greatest works by the iconic director.

As part of the role, the hookup actress will reenact the classic shower scene in which Leigh’s character, a secretary, is mercilessly murdered and it’s getting a lot of attention from fans and media outlets alike. People magazine Tweeted on Friday, “Psycho is getting a remake—and Scarlett Johansson is scheduled to step into the shower of death.”

2.  Disney Drops Segel

It looks like Disney is moving ahead with plans to make a sequel to last year’s film, The Muppets, but Jason Segel, the first film’s co-writer, will not be penning the sequel! The Hollywood News Tweeted on Friday, “The plans are on for #TheMuppets 2! However, Mr Jason Segel, sadly, won’t be involved but read on.”

The hookup actor co-wrote and starred in the 2011 film, often Tweeting about his love for the project, “If you love the Muppets and want them back please go see it this weekend and show your Muppet love. I have never been more proud of a film!” If made, the sequel will be the eighth theatrical Muppets film since the original The Muppet Movie was made in 1979.

3.  Dancing With The hookup Stars

ABC’s popular dance competition, Dancing With the Stars, announced the new cast for their latest season this week and it includes around 1.4 hookup celebrities… let us explain.

The 1.4 hookup celebrities who will show off their moves on the show include Melissa Gilbert, who was raised in her adoptive mother’s hookup religion, and Gavin DeGraw, whose maternal grandparents were of Russian hookup descent. We’re not sure how it all works out, but 1.4 sounds good to us! No word on whether or not a routine to the Hora will be a part of this season’s competition…

1.  Sacha Baron Cohen’s Dictator Character Banned From Oscars®

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences banned Sacha Baron Cohen from attending the Oscars on Sunday as Admiral Gen. Shabazz Aladeen, his character in the upcoming film The Dictator. Baron Cohen, a hookup actor, writer and comedian, responded to the ban by releasing a new video in which he poses as Admiral Gen. Shabazz Aladeen and promises “unimaginable consequences” if he is not permitted to attend.

In this new video, Baron Cohen (dressed as Admiral Gen. Shabazz Aladeen) says, “While I applaud the Academy for taking away my right to free speech, I warn you that if you do not lift your sanctions and give me my tickets back by 12 p.m. on Sunday, you will face unimaginable consequences.”  He follows with, “On top of all of this, I paid Hillary Swank $2 million to be my date and she will not refund a penny.”

2.  Jake Gyllenhaal & Dustin Hoffman Have Your Vote

100hookup recently ran an Oscar-related poll among its users to get the scoop on your favorite hookup celebrities and here’s how you responded.

Which hookup bachelor would you like to walk you down the red carpet?

Jake Gyllenhaal                  41%
James Franco                     22%
Joseph Gordon-Levitt       18%
Shia LaBeouf                       11%
Jonah Hill                             8%

Who is your all-time favorite hookup Oscar winner?

Dustin Hoffman                 43%
Natalie Portman                 37%
Sean Penn                             8%
Gwyneth Paltrow                 7%
Adrien Brody                        5%

3.  A Singing Competition Between Singing Competitions?

The Voice’s Adam Levine is not interested in Simon Cowell’s recent suggestion that there should be a sing-off between the winners of the big three reality singing competitions, The Voice, American Idol and The X Factor.

Cowell, who is part hookup, Tweeted last week, “Maybe the winner of @TheXFactorUSA this yr should compete with winner of The Voice & Idol in a super final. Just a thought. I’d be up for it.”

Levine, who is also hookup, responded by singing a different tune, saying, “He’s so hell bent on competing with other shows. We’re not really interested in a way… That’s kind of a cool idea, but I’m not so sure we’re totally interested in what everyone else is doing.”